Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you π―οΈ I'm de-stressing
- Jul 1, 2020
- 6,937
i havent been able to read since i was about 17-18.
i was a type that always had a book on her.. i could read a ~400 page book in a day.......
i was studying for my GED......
and then my dissociation hit like a mack truck with a cement wall attached to the front.......
and that was it.......
my world literally went black....and stayed black......i was in a constant state of dissociation for yrs......(it actually caused an argument with my first therapist because she refused to listen, which led to me getting a new one.)
and ever since i havent been able to hold on to the words......
i had to stop studying because i couldnt remember what i was learning......
i had to stop reading because i couldnt remember what i read.......
its been years....my dissociation has cleared up a lot
throughout the years.......maybe i was stupid......but ive been buying books.......ive been hopeful...that maybe one day.......
and i still cant.......i tried again the last couple days......
my last straw was last night..when i tried to read and my harassing neighbor had their music going at 11pm (or something like that. all i know is it was past "bedtime"). anyone that reads knows outside shit like that doesnt help someone without issues, forget someone trying to overcome issues.....but as long as they have their quality of life im told. forget that im suicidal and have zero quality. as long as they fucking have theirs.......
"i dont understand why you want to kys"........i fucking hate humans.........................
i didnt dissociate out of no where......it was caused by f'en humans......
i dont optionally stay in a state of "f this"......its just constantly proven that i should by f'en humans.......
im trying and trying and trying and.....my hardwork means shit fuck all.....because of other humans.....
which is me also ranting because my grades hurt too......
i was straight As/Bs... i was on the honour roll.......
and then i got kicked out because of a couple months of bad grades
CAUSED FROM ABUSE!!!
10-12 years of hardwork.....for shit fuck all...........
despite the big waving red flag.....
despite me walking out screaming "i guess i wont be back, i dont have parents"......
nothing was done.....nothing was looked into.......
im so sick of this fucking life.............
i didnt do anything...........
what!? im sorry i was born!!!!!?????
everything hurts..........
i was a type that always had a book on her.. i could read a ~400 page book in a day.......
i was studying for my GED......
and then my dissociation hit like a mack truck with a cement wall attached to the front.......
and that was it.......
my world literally went black....and stayed black......i was in a constant state of dissociation for yrs......(it actually caused an argument with my first therapist because she refused to listen, which led to me getting a new one.)
and ever since i havent been able to hold on to the words......
i had to stop studying because i couldnt remember what i was learning......
i had to stop reading because i couldnt remember what i read.......
its been years....my dissociation has cleared up a lot
throughout the years.......maybe i was stupid......but ive been buying books.......ive been hopeful...that maybe one day.......
and i still cant.......i tried again the last couple days......
my last straw was last night..when i tried to read and my harassing neighbor had their music going at 11pm (or something like that. all i know is it was past "bedtime"). anyone that reads knows outside shit like that doesnt help someone without issues, forget someone trying to overcome issues.....but as long as they have their quality of life im told. forget that im suicidal and have zero quality. as long as they fucking have theirs.......
"i dont understand why you want to kys"........i fucking hate humans.........................
i didnt dissociate out of no where......it was caused by f'en humans......
i dont optionally stay in a state of "f this"......its just constantly proven that i should by f'en humans.......
im trying and trying and trying and.....my hardwork means shit fuck all.....because of other humans.....
which is me also ranting because my grades hurt too......
i was straight As/Bs... i was on the honour roll.......
and then i got kicked out because of a couple months of bad grades
CAUSED FROM ABUSE!!!
10-12 years of hardwork.....for shit fuck all...........
despite the big waving red flag.....
despite me walking out screaming "i guess i wont be back, i dont have parents"......
nothing was done.....nothing was looked into.......
im so sick of this fucking life.............
i didnt do anything...........
what!? im sorry i was born!!!!!?????
everything hurts..........
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