Venting I can't stop crying in terror (too long sorry.) Stories of abuse I need a hug

[Hollowillow]

I have sexual abuse since I'm 11 years old. My mother was a narcissist who took me that I don't deserve to be protected or haven't defend myself for free. So I've been the victim of bullying and pedophiles. Because I wouldn't put my limits with boundaries I guess. I was isolated fragile with no self esteem so I was an easy target to vent like a punching bag. The happiest days of my life or meat punching back people in the face including my mother. I had a fiance when I was 18 but it turned out violent and I left him. I haven't had lovers since at least 20 years. But I kept being abused. I haven't had to give up my carrier because it was just sexual harassment. I was doing web design but they treated me like just some w**** pretending to have a job for me just to have an excuse to talk to me about sex. I even had a bos tell me that sex is all I'm good for. I never had sex with him he was super old. I ended up leaving in a very end celebrious apartment with mold and between really heavy smokers. My neighbor when I begged him crying to at least upon the windows try to punch me on the face and I slapped him. The landlord said that I'm at red and tried to kick me homeless with that excuse because he was sick of me complaining about and insalubrity. It took me 4 years to be accepted for a cheap housing for the poor. Nobody wanted to rent to a poor invalud without reference and a job. But when I got my new apartment it was exactly my wildest dream. Unfortunately the trauma of leaving in a celebrity made me do stupid things. I am extremely sensitive to chemicals so I read online for a natural way to kill and deodorize mold. So I started cleaning everything with vinegar. I don't understand because in my previous apartment I didn't notice a big problem but maybe it gave me breathing troubles more than mold and cigarette but I kept blaming the other stuff. I started having my skin peel off and trouble seeing and the right side of my face was numb with trouble seeing. That's when I try to do laundry with it. I was so sick I had to get rid of my bed and sleep straight on the floor on pillows. I thought that I was allergic to my new fancy latex bed and my new washing machines. And then when I tried to wash I already take fake for blanket that smelled like mold after drying in the rain... I used vinegar and dish soap. I use the entire bottles. I had a voice screaming in my head not to do it but I dismissed it thinking that I could just neutralize it with bicarbonate and wash it later. The smell was gone but also the skin in my face I couldn't speak I could barely see for a week and I never got better because of the fumes. I had constant tremors all over my body. I'm still in intense pain with burn all over my body but they're not visible. I thought that if I waited the fumes will go away but I realize that I created a solvent and melted metal and acrylic from the bath. I seem to be allergic to acrylic. My previous bath was a metal and I never reacted this bad even through I was washing my hair with vinegar to fix dandruff. No if I try to take a bath I get convulsions and I'm in a coma for 2 days. Even when I went four times to the hospital with purple hands they did nothing except call me insane. I played along just to escape the fume and make them to keep me in psychiatry and they refused. The landlord refused to help me and threaten me. Everybody mocked me saying that it's impossible. The skin pillar of my face with scabs all over my face disagree. Clearly but by having an extremely acidic body and brain I can't think straight. They use it to dismiss me it's just insane.

Last year I lived the two worst moments of my life. I got assaulted by a security guard for not wearing a mask at on outside I begged him to let me catch my breath but he grabbed me by their hair and dragged me left and right. He lied to the cup saying that I attacked him but it was not true and the cops refused to see the video camera showing that I never defended myself. The cops saw my legs covered in blood and told me that I deserved it that I'm the guilty one that I'm the bad person.

I have trouble walking for 4 months twisting in agony day and night I couldn't sleep because every time I moved it tortured me. I twisted my ankle long ago and by suddenly moving left and right it twisted my knees dozens of times on both sides on both legs. I would have been better off with a broken leg.

When I was finally able to go out I went to see my doctor begging him to have help at home because I can't function alone anymore I can't take care of myself I'm too sick. And after going out of the clinic I got hit by a car who didn't do his stop. He hit me in the leg then my head got catapulted I doubles speed against the car. I had a neck injury Whiplash and concussion but they drag me on the sidewalk by the arms with my head moving left and right. When I woke up I was screaming in agony saying that I can't live like this and to finish me off. Someone managed to find my broken glasses because I'm almost blind. They took me to the hospital and I talked at least this time they can dismiss my physical pain as being just in my head.. but they did. I had to put my hands through my hair and through the blood asking them if it looks real enough for them. But they kept saying that I have nothing that it was just a slight fall which was not.

I saw double couldn't work straight couldn't get out of bed from the pain. I shat in my bed starving helpless. I called the hotline for the nurse begging to send someone to help me at home and they hanged on me saying that I don't cooperate with them because I was so hurt I was not able to spell my name and how they care about was to feel their form. I was left to die I had to learn how to do physiotherapy to be able to walk myself with YouTube to replace the crystals in my hair at the proper place to detect gravity.

I can do it everything I don't anymore I have people not me that I need to be independent they never had to do an operation on their own knee.

Have have no family no friend no nothing and when I finally have a social worker she refused to help me get the help I need to eat.

I thought I made a friend but it turned out to be as sadistic narcissist. I learned that they do triangulation she kept insisting that she won't tell me to meet her friend to help me make friends but it was a lie. It was to be too against one to recruit me to her jeovah whitness religion, and to mock my suffering. When I said that I was losing weight extremely fast and was scared because I was not healthy enough to be able to cook for myself since the toxin and my apartment, she kept saying that her friend brings her food when she's sick and I was happy for her so I didn't see hOw twisted and cruel or come out was. Until one day that I asked her if she could do that for me and she said no that I don't deserve it she does but not me. I finally noticed all the abuse that she did to me since the beginning and I became slowly more insane. She kept pressuring me to be positive while she complain about really dark things. It was okay for her but not for me. She pressured me to be perfect and happy and to never talk about anything negative if she made me meet her friend or if I go out with my own or at all. The pressure to be something I'm not in high my reality when I could not even cook for myself was too much and I started to become agoraphobic.

When she went too far telling me that I don't deserve help I finally told her to apologize or she would lose my friendship if she doesn't respect me. But instead to do that she called my social worker to manipulate her that she was worried about me and that I was acting like a crazy person when I was just asking for respect. So when my social worker met me later that day she refused to believe that she was a bad friend even true I've been telling her for weeks How cruel she was being to me. She manipulated my social worker against me and my social worker broke the privacy rule and listened to the manipulation of an enemy. She was on the side of my aggressor instead to defend my right to not be bullied. She also said nothing while somebody was truly insulting me she didn't defend me even to I begged her too. And employee of my apartment met me to order me to never call for help again to pay for all the repairs myself from now on. It's illegal and I begged my social worker to at least tell them to respect my doctor recommendation and send the specialist in decontamination. But she just sat there like I dead fish letting them do psychological violence and refuse to save me. She had the chance to defend me but didn't. She was even on their side on the phone telling that I'm just insane and that she's going to take care of my crisis instead to tell them that I'm in distress because of physical pain and need their help figure it out what happened in my apartment.

Went went to the hospital four times and they just dismissed me. The degree of extreme Agony that I indured I can't even describe. I would rather be hit by 10 other cars than go through acid fume exposure again and I answered that non-stop since 6 months I'm becoming insane as my body is breaking.

I can't have afford to move and nobody want me.

I demanded to be kept in psychiatry to have a chance to heal and figure out a way to fix the problem because I couldn't think straight anymore. It took a week but I started to heal. Physically. Mentally their torture to break me and convince me that I'm a bad person who deserve nothing have succeeded. Did denied me everything phone even food shower at some point. Even medical Care and the medication that they wanted to give me. They deprived me of sleep by speaking loudly all night laughing like mad clowns while I cried. That really f***** me up. I wanted to stay for at least a month but when they wanted to let me go after 5 days I couldn't wait. All I wanted was hide in the poison because people are way more toxic than acid. I became extremely agree with I can't even go get food. Because if I get out of the poison and start feeling better I will become completely hysterical and terror to be forced to return there. Like I did the last time and went in psychiatry after playing board games. I almost puked and passed out all over the boards I was shaking in agony. Now I'm so extremely dizzy I have a trouble just getting up. People don't understand that I'm f***** up because I'm in pain and they think it's just my personality. It's torture I'm denied medical care because nobody want to believe me my doctor does but I don't think I can survive one year to meet a specialist with probably going to call me insane anyway like last time I saw one about allergy. I needed a paper saying that I'm allergic to mold to sue the landlord for and celebrity with more weight but the doctor couldn't even detect an allergy that was known from childhood.

But that's supposed to be my only hope when even if they validate that it's not in my head it doesn't change that the poison is in my home and the landlord refuse to help and I can't find any specialist to help me

It's absolutely cruel to tell somebody who was the victim of pedophiles that she has a personality disorder. That it's not the criminal that is a bad person but the victim. Mental health problems are not caused by brain defects. They are caused by violence. Psychological physical or sexual and I had them all several times in a way that I almost died. It's even more traumatic to be abused by the people pretending to be there to help you than by the criminal himself. Somebody cannot heal from violence with more violence and invalidation. They made us sadder with abuse and justified more abuse saying that we're sicker. Antidepressants cause psychosis and antipsychotics cause psychosis. And suicidal urges. The goal is clearly not to make people happy but to control them with chemical lobotomy and straight jackets.

It is sick that in our society or friend are told to not hug us and listen to us but to call the cops on us and get us locked up and drug by force if we are crying. It is extremely disHumantizing and isolating. But if the victims of societies abuse are isolated and hidden nobody are going to have real happiness because everybody is just working hard to hide pain. We need solidarity to fight for her rights and stop abuse but as long as we're going to blame the victim the aggressor are going to stay victorious.

Women get killed because their cops refuse to take them seriously. They think that a man is entitled to beat the s*** out of them that they deserve it for not being submissive enough to their Superior monsters. I am literally disgusted that even fathers think that way of their own daughter even to the point of raping them. I read a story that was so gruesome of displaced internal organs that nobody wanted to different her in court and get her justice because they could not bear to see the reality so they dismissed her as a liar.

Yesterday I thought that I had help from someone but when I told her about the toxin and allergy to the product in my home, send the cops on me even to I begged her not to telling her that they abused me before. She did anyway to give herself good conscience and have the illusion to help. Because it was easier than come to my home with that mop and bucket. So once again I was treated like a criminal. He said that he finds it worrisome that people like me are allowed to vote. He told my friend that she should block me because I'm just an insane abusive person who don't deserve help. She's a business woman who help people high in politics. But he described her as some cripple in the nursing home and me trying to abuse her for money. Is shame me for asking for help telling me that I'm going to make her sick because she can say no and I abuse that. He shame me that I don't deserve help or friends or even to vote. After all the multiple abuse that I entered since childhood I was told that I'm the abuser and don't deserve to be safe don't deserve protection deserve to be beaten.

They they don't want to finish me off and kill me they don't want to let me kill myself so I will be free or at least won't bother anymore.

Yesterday yesterday I just broke and I bought SN. I'm too broken in my brain to be able to understand what to do with the other drugs and will need a coach to guide me step by step like a broken child. I can't even write anymore I'm using a speech to text converter.

I am extremely tempted to just hang myself right away because I don't think I can figure it out. I can go out to buy a scale or even a measuring cup

I had to order Chinese food to find us trying to eat because I just can't cook for myself anymore. If if I tried to do the dishes the acid in the metal sink will not only make fumes but also metal dust. When I try to clean the sink the towel is full of metal. So imagine what it does all over my body it is agony. I am so tempted to try to neutralize it with bleach but it will do mustard gas. It probably did.

Feel feel so ashamed that I ruined the apartment forever and everybody after me is going to be in pain. But maybe it's just me. Maybe I am just too fragile for this world. But I've seen pictures of baby with skin peeling of like mad and doctor said that that it's just a disease of their body when I think it's the products that we use in the environment. The combination.

I really need help to save my life from the products that I use I don't know what to do. But people will rather invalidate my reality than try to find solutions. I'm told that it just in my head but even if I was bad s*** crazy and yes I am it's really cruel to see it that way. It's dismissive and demeaning. Their nurse hotline keeps saying that. I don't want to live in such a cruel world. Someone here told me that he sure that everybody was kind to me and I'm just misjudging the situation. When I was covered in blood I was told that I deserve it how am I supposed to see it as a kindness. There are words that are so cruel that I remember the exact words perfectly.

Like app psychiatrist who told me that I have no quality and to learn to obey.

There are so many beautiful things in this world that I want to experience but I'm too sick and broken. Even if I move to a different apartment and it can only be worse because it's perfect I would have to trash everything I own that got contaminated. And even if I sacrifice all that grief and try to heal for years the only thing that awaits me is loneliness rejection and more assault.

I feel like I am forced to die. I feel like I drank solvent. I can taste it my tongue is inflamed and lips are burning. All my inside burns like mad my tears burn like acid I can't even go to the bathroom without being in agony and no I don't have an STD I'm a virgin. I have defended my virginity as more preciously than my life as people try to rape me but thankfully only made scars on me and groped me and gave me serious traumas. I read our stories that broke my heart of rape... I don't know how they cope maybe they had a better social support system but I have ever got was to be beaten down more and more.

Being told that I'm an abusive monster for killing for help and accepting the hell that someone gave me it's horrifying.

I I kept opening that somebody would have compassion someday but the psychopath get in the way and tell them to block me that I don't deserve their help ever. When the employee of my apartment told me that it was devastating but to see the CObs tell me that I will never get help from anybody in society ever. The very people paid to protect me making sure that nobody will ever help me...

It's it's not a syndrome of persecution when it's real

I want to live but I must die before I get tortured and cripple even more. I can't there yet sit anymore I wake up screaming and crying. Sometimes I wonder if I would be healthier homeless but a friend told me that is cold and hungry and it broke my heart to not be able to help him. I wish I could save people but I can't save myself. My brain hurts so much I can't even figure it out the SN recipe

What can I do to be saved

Every every time I find a spark of hope I realize that it just want more abuser in this guys and they tell me that I'm the abuser. even here

I'm so tired to live in hatred and threats and blame and be blamed for the attack that I am sure and to always f****** be blame for what other people do to me when I do nothing except screaming pain

I would give anything to ever live in that world without cruelty or never wake up

I I forgot to mention about covid. I've been injured by a vaccine and I clearly can't tolerate tramickel's not even vinegar so imagine being injected with viruses. I was so happy to live in a evolved world without the segregation of the Nazi against the Jews, and the white people segregating the blacks. Calling them filthy and dangerous and unworthy to have the same human rights as others. But because I couldn't get vaccinated I didn't even have the right to work go to school go eat in restaurants when I was angry or even rent certain places. I was denied absolutely everything in society and isolated at home having prisoners don't endure complete isolation. I thought that I understood it by being bedridden for 20 years but not even having the right to go to a restaurant made it go to such an extreme degree it was absolute agony. I was even denied to join clubs to take walks outside in parks. I lost all my friends three times because they told me that I was a Monster killer by refusing to get something toxic inside me. Countless people drop dead or the vaccine and even after four doses and masks they still can't kill the flu and the Easter Bunny try to control body function instead to nourish the immune system with vitamin C and B... And d.

Controlling our mind with school censorship is not enough they had to control her breaths and medical choices to force us to take drugs. Forcing all the healthy people to take drugs all the time can you imagine how absurd it is. And people pressuring their own family members and loved one to do it and shaming them if they don't denouncing them if they have parties with loved one like people denounce the Jews. If you think that I am exaggerating I read people say that they won't the vaccinated to be locked up in camps and they build some. I've been beaten to a pulp because I was not wearing a mask outside trying to catch my breath while I was sick so don't tell me that it was okay because they crippled my legs and almost kill me. The security guard paid to protect me just wanted power and domination. If he had cared about being sick you would have respected to stay to me there is a part instead to touch me. I was not coughing and a baby I was all alone begging to let me catch my breath between buses.

And and I'm not the only one who's been abused we were all abused but attacked the people who are trying to protect us.

I I saw enough cruelty for an entire lifetime. I made mistake myself and I destroyed my new beginning with stupid poison like a fool.

I'm too sick I can't live like this alone and tortured every time I ask for help and people taking away the people who love me out of pure spite.

The the cOps were so beyond cruel to tell and abused person that she has no right to call for help otherwise she's the abuser she's a monster.

Damn damn just shoot me with your gun.

I I am sick and tired to be abused and pay for the crimes of others. To wake up crying like a terrified child but I'm 42 years old. I never had a life I only waited for death in terror hiding.

I wanted to meet life but I fell and now I just wanted to end. I tried to kill myself two times with her bag and three times with a rope. I really meant the last attempt but it didn't work out. I'm such a chicken I just want to live. But I can't bear torture non-stop anymore.

I'm I'm using a voice to text converter and sometimes it writes the opposite of what I want. So if I say something mean please forgive me I'm just broken. Unless you're a cOp or a psychiatrist or a pedophile please don't think I think badly of you.

I wish I could get help any help to live or to die. But not be crushed bullied humiliated...

Every second is torture not just when it happens but being haunted after.

How the hell am I supposed to be able to have friends and help after being told that it makes me a monster to try by the police. They changed who I am for the worst. They told me that I'm abusing Monster if I just speak to the elderly so now I just want to shun them for their own good. I don't deserve friends protection medical care I don't deserve to breathe non-toxic air

I have a normal friend who welcomes me to join is online game party once a month but they talk about their lover wedding travels... Carrier dreams of hobbies really big accomplishments. It made me realize that I've never been alive and never will be and that I don't belong. I can't join the conversation and if they push to ask I break and end up telling them how much I suffer and then they look at me like I'm the black plague. I'm told that I have to hide it but it takes so much energy to fake a smile I can't anymore. I hate the hypocrisy. My friend told me that I probably don't have friends because I forced my trauma on others. Telling a victim of sexual abuse that I'm the one who forced myself on my friends because I honestly share my reality. I cannot win. They're just no place for me. I'm broken I'm the public punching bag and I'm f****** sick of it. They say that we just need to make the efforts but that's not the way it works. They say to just call for help and that pro life or will come to save us but no they're the worst sadistic people that I have ever seen.

I am I am not a fear-monger I am absolutely terrorized and I need to talk about it. I feel like I'm forced to die when I want is a hug...

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really unbearable what you have been through. I cannot even imagine how awful it must be. Life is so horrifying. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[Hollowillow]

It sounds really unbearable what you have been through. I cannot even imagine how awful it must be. Life is so horrifying. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

Thank you for reading the testament of my life. I hope you'll be free too. I wish we could live happiness first...

 

[Julgran]

It's absolutely cruel to tell somebody who was the victim of pedophiles that she has a personality disorder.

You have certainly been through a lot, but this seems to be the easiest way for society to keep blind to your problems - sadly.

Yesterday yesterday I just broke and I bought SN. I'm too broken in my brain to be able to understand what to do with the other drugs and will need a coach to guide me step by step like a broken child. I can't even write anymore I'm using a speech to text converter.

All you really need is one or two extra set of SN glasses - the rest of the ingedients seem to be for calming you down or preventing a headache during the process.

I'm so tired to live in hatred and threats and blame and be blamed for the attack that I am sure and to always f****** be blame for what other people do to me when I do nothing except screaming pain

If what you have described about yourself is true, I see no reason not to hate the people whom you have interacted with thus far.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Thank you for reading the testament of my life. I hope you'll be free too. I wish we could live happiness first...

Are you okay?

 

[leeloosnow]

i'm going to have to re-read that when i'm less sleepy but omg yea i can relate to a lot of how hopeless some of that feels thru some of my experiences. ive basically been conditioned to not trust anyone irl, and not to ask for help. sometimes i think it's part of why i ramble here because i don't have to look at anyone's face or get the reactions most ppl give.
big hugs to you @Hollowillow <3

 

[Nirrend]

I have sexual abuse since I'm 11 years old. My mother was a narcissist who took me that I don't deserve to be protected or haven't defend myself for free. So I've been the victim of bullying and pedophiles. Because I wouldn't put my limits with boundaries I guess. I was isolated fragile with no self esteem so I was an easy target to vent like a punching bag. The happiest days of my life or meat punching back people in the face including my mother. I had a fiance when I was 18 but it turned out violent and I left him. I haven't had lovers since at least 20 years. But I kept being abused. I haven't had to give up my carrier because it was just sexual harassment. I was doing web design but they treated me like just some w**** pretending to have a job for me just to have an excuse to talk to me about sex. I even had a bos tell me that sex is all I'm good for. I never had sex with him he was super old. I ended up leaving in a very end celebrious apartment with mold and between really heavy smokers. My neighbor when I begged him crying to at least upon the windows try to punch me on the face and I slapped him. The landlord said that I'm at red and tried to kick me homeless with that excuse because he was sick of me complaining about and insalubrity. It took me 4 years to be accepted for a cheap housing for the poor. Nobody wanted to rent to a poor invalud without reference and a job. But when I got my new apartment it was exactly my wildest dream. Unfortunately the trauma of leaving in a celebrity made me do stupid things. I am extremely sensitive to chemicals so I read online for a natural way to kill and deodorize mold. So I started cleaning everything with vinegar. I don't understand because in my previous apartment I didn't notice a big problem but maybe it gave me breathing troubles more than mold and cigarette but I kept blaming the other stuff. I started having my skin peel off and trouble seeing and the right side of my face was numb with trouble seeing. That's when I try to do laundry with it. I was so sick I had to get rid of my bed and sleep straight on the floor on pillows. I thought that I was allergic to my new fancy latex bed and my new washing machines. And then when I tried to wash I already take fake for blanket that smelled like mold after drying in the rain... I used vinegar and dish soap. I use the entire bottles. I had a voice screaming in my head not to do it but I dismissed it thinking that I could just neutralize it with bicarbonate and wash it later. The smell was gone but also the skin in my face I couldn't speak I could barely see for a week and I never got better because of the fumes. I had constant tremors all over my body. I'm still in intense pain with burn all over my body but they're not visible. I thought that if I waited the fumes will go away but I realize that I created a solvent and melted metal and acrylic from the bath. I seem to be allergic to acrylic. My previous bath was a metal and I never reacted this bad even through I was washing my hair with vinegar to fix dandruff. No if I try to take a bath I get convulsions and I'm in a coma for 2 days. Even when I went four times to the hospital with purple hands they did nothing except call me insane. I played along just to escape the fume and make them to keep me in psychiatry and they refused. The landlord refused to help me and threaten me. Everybody mocked me saying that it's impossible. The skin pillar of my face with scabs all over my face disagree. Clearly but by having an extremely acidic body and brain I can't think straight. They use it to dismiss me it's just insane.

Last year I lived the two worst moments of my life. I got assaulted by a security guard for not wearing a mask at on outside I begged him to let me catch my breath but he grabbed me by their hair and dragged me left and right. He lied to the cup saying that I attacked him but it was not true and the cops refused to see the video camera showing that I never defended myself. The cops saw my legs covered in blood and told me that I deserved it that I'm the guilty one that I'm the bad person.

I have trouble walking for 4 months twisting in agony day and night I couldn't sleep because every time I moved it tortured me. I twisted my ankle long ago and by suddenly moving left and right it twisted my knees dozens of times on both sides on both legs. I would have been better off with a broken leg.

When I was finally able to go out I went to see my doctor begging him to have help at home because I can't function alone anymore I can't take care of myself I'm too sick. And after going out of the clinic I got hit by a car who didn't do his stop. He hit me in the leg then my head got catapulted I doubles speed against the car. I had a neck injury Whiplash and concussion but they drag me on the sidewalk by the arms with my head moving left and right. When I woke up I was screaming in agony saying that I can't live like this and to finish me off. Someone managed to find my broken glasses because I'm almost blind. They took me to the hospital and I talked at least this time they can dismiss my physical pain as being just in my head.. but they did. I had to put my hands through my hair and through the blood asking them if it looks real enough for them. But they kept saying that I have nothing that it was just a slight fall which was not.

I saw double couldn't work straight couldn't get out of bed from the pain. I shat in my bed starving helpless. I called the hotline for the nurse begging to send someone to help me at home and they hanged on me saying that I don't cooperate with them because I was so hurt I was not able to spell my name and how they care about was to feel their form. I was left to die I had to learn how to do physiotherapy to be able to walk myself with YouTube to replace the crystals in my hair at the proper place to detect gravity.

I can do it everything I don't anymore I have people not me that I need to be independent they never had to do an operation on their own knee.

Have have no family no friend no nothing and when I finally have a social worker she refused to help me get the help I need to eat.

I thought I made a friend but it turned out to be as sadistic narcissist. I learned that they do triangulation she kept insisting that she won't tell me to meet her friend to help me make friends but it was a lie. It was to be too against one to recruit me to her jeovah whitness religion, and to mock my suffering. When I said that I was losing weight extremely fast and was scared because I was not healthy enough to be able to cook for myself since the toxin and my apartment, she kept saying that her friend brings her food when she's sick and I was happy for her so I didn't see hOw twisted and cruel or come out was. Until one day that I asked her if she could do that for me and she said no that I don't deserve it she does but not me. I finally noticed all the abuse that she did to me since the beginning and I became slowly more insane. She kept pressuring me to be positive while she complain about really dark things. It was okay for her but not for me. She pressured me to be perfect and happy and to never talk about anything negative if she made me meet her friend or if I go out with my own or at all. The pressure to be something I'm not in high my reality when I could not even cook for myself was too much and I started to become agoraphobic.

When she went too far telling me that I don't deserve help I finally told her to apologize or she would lose my friendship if she doesn't respect me. But instead to do that she called my social worker to manipulate her that she was worried about me and that I was acting like a crazy person when I was just asking for respect. So when my social worker met me later that day she refused to believe that she was a bad friend even true I've been telling her for weeks How cruel she was being to me. She manipulated my social worker against me and my social worker broke the privacy rule and listened to the manipulation of an enemy. She was on the side of my aggressor instead to defend my right to not be bullied. She also said nothing while somebody was truly insulting me she didn't defend me even to I begged her too. And employee of my apartment met me to order me to never call for help again to pay for all the repairs myself from now on. It's illegal and I begged my social worker to at least tell them to respect my doctor recommendation and send the specialist in decontamination. But she just sat there like I dead fish letting them do psychological violence and refuse to save me. She had the chance to defend me but didn't. She was even on their side on the phone telling that I'm just insane and that she's going to take care of my crisis instead to tell them that I'm in distress because of physical pain and need their help figure it out what happened in my apartment.

Went went to the hospital four times and they just dismissed me. The degree of extreme Agony that I indured I can't even describe. I would rather be hit by 10 other cars than go through acid fume exposure again and I answered that non-stop since 6 months I'm becoming insane as my body is breaking.

I can't have afford to move and nobody want me.

I demanded to be kept in psychiatry to have a chance to heal and figure out a way to fix the problem because I couldn't think straight anymore. It took a week but I started to heal. Physically. Mentally their torture to break me and convince me that I'm a bad person who deserve nothing have succeeded. Did denied me everything phone even food shower at some point. Even medical Care and the medication that they wanted to give me. They deprived me of sleep by speaking loudly all night laughing like mad clowns while I cried. That really f***** me up. I wanted to stay for at least a month but when they wanted to let me go after 5 days I couldn't wait. All I wanted was hide in the poison because people are way more toxic than acid. I became extremely agree with I can't even go get food. Because if I get out of the poison and start feeling better I will become completely hysterical and terror to be forced to return there. Like I did the last time and went in psychiatry after playing board games. I almost puked and passed out all over the boards I was shaking in agony. Now I'm so extremely dizzy I have a trouble just getting up. People don't understand that I'm f***** up because I'm in pain and they think it's just my personality. It's torture I'm denied medical care because nobody want to believe me my doctor does but I don't think I can survive one year to meet a specialist with probably going to call me insane anyway like last time I saw one about allergy. I needed a paper saying that I'm allergic to mold to sue the landlord for and celebrity with more weight but the doctor couldn't even detect an allergy that was known from childhood.

But that's supposed to be my only hope when even if they validate that it's not in my head it doesn't change that the poison is in my home and the landlord refuse to help and I can't find any specialist to help me

It's absolutely cruel to tell somebody who was the victim of pedophiles that she has a personality disorder. That it's not the criminal that is a bad person but the victim. Mental health problems are not caused by brain defects. They are caused by violence. Psychological physical or sexual and I had them all several times in a way that I almost died. It's even more traumatic to be abused by the people pretending to be there to help you than by the criminal himself. Somebody cannot heal from violence with more violence and invalidation. They made us sadder with abuse and justified more abuse saying that we're sicker. Antidepressants cause psychosis and antipsychotics cause psychosis. And suicidal urges. The goal is clearly not to make people happy but to control them with chemical lobotomy and straight jackets.

It is sick that in our society or friend are told to not hug us and listen to us but to call the cops on us and get us locked up and drug by force if we are crying. It is extremely disHumantizing and isolating. But if the victims of societies abuse are isolated and hidden nobody are going to have real happiness because everybody is just working hard to hide pain. We need solidarity to fight for her rights and stop abuse but as long as we're going to blame the victim the aggressor are going to stay victorious.

Women get killed because their cops refuse to take them seriously. They think that a man is entitled to beat the s*** out of them that they deserve it for not being submissive enough to their Superior monsters. I am literally disgusted that even fathers think that way of their own daughter even to the point of raping them. I read a story that was so gruesome of displaced internal organs that nobody wanted to different her in court and get her justice because they could not bear to see the reality so they dismissed her as a liar.

Yesterday I thought that I had help from someone but when I told her about the toxin and allergy to the product in my home, send the cops on me even to I begged her not to telling her that they abused me before. She did anyway to give herself good conscience and have the illusion to help. Because it was easier than come to my home with that mop and bucket. So once again I was treated like a criminal. He said that he finds it worrisome that people like me are allowed to vote. He told my friend that she should block me because I'm just an insane abusive person who don't deserve help. She's a business woman who help people high in politics. But he described her as some cripple in the nursing home and me trying to abuse her for money. Is shame me for asking for help telling me that I'm going to make her sick because she can say no and I abuse that. He shame me that I don't deserve help or friends or even to vote. After all the multiple abuse that I entered since childhood I was told that I'm the abuser and don't deserve to be safe don't deserve protection deserve to be beaten.

They they don't want to finish me off and kill me they don't want to let me kill myself so I will be free or at least won't bother anymore.

Yesterday yesterday I just broke and I bought SN. I'm too broken in my brain to be able to understand what to do with the other drugs and will need a coach to guide me step by step like a broken child. I can't even write anymore I'm using a speech to text converter.

I am extremely tempted to just hang myself right away because I don't think I can figure it out. I can go out to buy a scale or even a measuring cup

I had to order Chinese food to find us trying to eat because I just can't cook for myself anymore. If if I tried to do the dishes the acid in the metal sink will not only make fumes but also metal dust. When I try to clean the sink the towel is full of metal. So imagine what it does all over my body it is agony. I am so tempted to try to neutralize it with bleach but it will do mustard gas. It probably did.

Feel feel so ashamed that I ruined the apartment forever and everybody after me is going to be in pain. But maybe it's just me. Maybe I am just too fragile for this world. But I've seen pictures of baby with skin peeling of like mad and doctor said that that it's just a disease of their body when I think it's the products that we use in the environment. The combination.

I really need help to save my life from the products that I use I don't know what to do. But people will rather invalidate my reality than try to find solutions. I'm told that it just in my head but even if I was bad s*** crazy and yes I am it's really cruel to see it that way. It's dismissive and demeaning. Their nurse hotline keeps saying that. I don't want to live in such a cruel world. Someone here told me that he sure that everybody was kind to me and I'm just misjudging the situation. When I was covered in blood I was told that I deserve it how am I supposed to see it as a kindness. There are words that are so cruel that I remember the exact words perfectly.

Like app psychiatrist who told me that I have no quality and to learn to obey.

There are so many beautiful things in this world that I want to experience but I'm too sick and broken. Even if I move to a different apartment and it can only be worse because it's perfect I would have to trash everything I own that got contaminated. And even if I sacrifice all that grief and try to heal for years the only thing that awaits me is loneliness rejection and more assault.

I feel like I am forced to die. I feel like I drank solvent. I can taste it my tongue is inflamed and lips are burning. All my inside burns like mad my tears burn like acid I can't even go to the bathroom without being in agony and no I don't have an STD I'm a virgin. I have defended my virginity as more preciously than my life as people try to rape me but thankfully only made scars on me and groped me and gave me serious traumas. I read our stories that broke my heart of rape... I don't know how they cope maybe they had a better social support system but I have ever got was to be beaten down more and more.

Being told that I'm an abusive monster for killing for help and accepting the hell that someone gave me it's horrifying.

I I kept opening that somebody would have compassion someday but the psychopath get in the way and tell them to block me that I don't deserve their help ever. When the employee of my apartment told me that it was devastating but to see the CObs tell me that I will never get help from anybody in society ever. The very people paid to protect me making sure that nobody will ever help me...

It's it's not a syndrome of persecution when it's real

I want to live but I must die before I get tortured and cripple even more. I can't there yet sit anymore I wake up screaming and crying. Sometimes I wonder if I would be healthier homeless but a friend told me that is cold and hungry and it broke my heart to not be able to help him. I wish I could save people but I can't save myself. My brain hurts so much I can't even figure it out the SN recipe

What can I do to be saved

Every every time I find a spark of hope I realize that it just want more abuser in this guys and they tell me that I'm the abuser. even here

I'm so tired to live in hatred and threats and blame and be blamed for the attack that I am sure and to always f****** be blame for what other people do to me when I do nothing except screaming pain

I would give anything to ever live in that world without cruelty or never wake up

I I forgot to mention about covid. I've been injured by a vaccine and I clearly can't tolerate tramickel's not even vinegar so imagine being injected with viruses. I was so happy to live in a evolved world without the segregation of the Nazi against the Jews, and the white people segregating the blacks. Calling them filthy and dangerous and unworthy to have the same human rights as others. But because I couldn't get vaccinated I didn't even have the right to work go to school go eat in restaurants when I was angry or even rent certain places. I was denied absolutely everything in society and isolated at home having prisoners don't endure complete isolation. I thought that I understood it by being bedridden for 20 years but not even having the right to go to a restaurant made it go to such an extreme degree it was absolute agony. I was even denied to join clubs to take walks outside in parks. I lost all my friends three times because they told me that I was a Monster killer by refusing to get something toxic inside me. Countless people drop dead or the vaccine and even after four doses and masks they still can't kill the flu and the Easter Bunny try to control body function instead to nourish the immune system with vitamin C and B... And d.

Controlling our mind with school censorship is not enough they had to control her breaths and medical choices to force us to take drugs. Forcing all the healthy people to take drugs all the time can you imagine how absurd it is. And people pressuring their own family members and loved one to do it and shaming them if they don't denouncing them if they have parties with loved one like people denounce the Jews. If you think that I am exaggerating I read people say that they won't the vaccinated to be locked up in camps and they build some. I've been beaten to a pulp because I was not wearing a mask outside trying to catch my breath while I was sick so don't tell me that it was okay because they crippled my legs and almost kill me. The security guard paid to protect me just wanted power and domination. If he had cared about being sick you would have respected to stay to me there is a part instead to touch me. I was not coughing and a baby I was all alone begging to let me catch my breath between buses.

And and I'm not the only one who's been abused we were all abused but attacked the people who are trying to protect us.

I I saw enough cruelty for an entire lifetime. I made mistake myself and I destroyed my new beginning with stupid poison like a fool.

I'm too sick I can't live like this alone and tortured every time I ask for help and people taking away the people who love me out of pure spite.

The the cOps were so beyond cruel to tell and abused person that she has no right to call for help otherwise she's the abuser she's a monster.

Damn damn just shoot me with your gun.

I I am sick and tired to be abused and pay for the crimes of others. To wake up crying like a terrified child but I'm 42 years old. I never had a life I only waited for death in terror hiding.

I wanted to meet life but I fell and now I just wanted to end. I tried to kill myself two times with her bag and three times with a rope. I really meant the last attempt but it didn't work out. I'm such a chicken I just want to live. But I can't bear torture non-stop anymore.

I'm I'm using a voice to text converter and sometimes it writes the opposite of what I want. So if I say something mean please forgive me I'm just broken. Unless you're a cOp or a psychiatrist or a pedophile please don't think I think badly of you.

I wish I could get help any help to live or to die. But not be crushed bullied humiliated...

Every second is torture not just when it happens but being haunted after.

How the hell am I supposed to be able to have friends and help after being told that it makes me a monster to try by the police. They changed who I am for the worst. They told me that I'm abusing Monster if I just speak to the elderly so now I just want to shun them for their own good. I don't deserve friends protection medical care I don't deserve to breathe non-toxic air

I have a normal friend who welcomes me to join is online game party once a month but they talk about their lover wedding travels... Carrier dreams of hobbies really big accomplishments. It made me realize that I've never been alive and never will be and that I don't belong. I can't join the conversation and if they push to ask I break and end up telling them how much I suffer and then they look at me like I'm the black plague. I'm told that I have to hide it but it takes so much energy to fake a smile I can't anymore. I hate the hypocrisy. My friend told me that I probably don't have friends because I forced my trauma on others. Telling a victim of sexual abuse that I'm the one who forced myself on my friends because I honestly share my reality. I cannot win. They're just no place for me. I'm broken I'm the public punching bag and I'm f****** sick of it. They say that we just need to make the efforts but that's not the way it works. They say to just call for help and that pro life or will come to save us but no they're the worst sadistic people that I have ever seen.

I am I am not a fear-monger I am absolutely terrorized and I need to talk about it. I feel like I'm forced to die when I want is a hug...

Hope you are fine...

Love ❤❤

 

[actual_fox]

Sending hugs willow.
Are you still with us?

 

[Butterfly Moon]

Oh my goodness. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. Your story breaks my heart. I am so sorry. Hugs

 

[Andry387]

Я подвергаюсь сексуальному насилию с 11 лет. Моя мать была нарциссом, который думал, что я не защищаю себя бесплатно. Так что я стал жертвой издевательств и педофилов. Думаю, потому что я бы не стал ограничивать себя границами. Я был изолирован, хрупкий, без чувства собственного достоинства, поэтому я был последовательным мишенью, чтобы дать выход, как боксерская груша. Самые счастливые дни в жизни мясо или мясо, бьющее людей в лицо, включая мою мать. У меня был жених, когда мне было 18, но он оказался жестоким, и я ушла от него. У меня не было любовников, по сюжету, 20 лет. Но меня продолжали оскорблять. Мне не пришлось отказываться от своей карьеры, потому что это было просто сексуальное домогательство. Раньше веб-шлюхом, но они относились ко мне как к какой-то хе, которая притворялась, что у меня есть работа, только чтобы иметь предлог поговорить со мной о сексе. У меня даже был босс, который сказал мне, что секс — это все, на что я руководитель. У меня никогда не было с ним секса, он был очень стар. Я закончил тем, что уехал в очень знаменитую квартиру с плесенью и между действительно заядлыми курильщиками. Мой сосед, когда я в слезах умоляла его хотя бы на взгляд, решил ударить меня по лицу, и я дал ему пощечину. Хозяин сказал, что я в красном, и решил выгнать меня без крови с этим предлогом, потому что ему надоели мои жалобы и для вреда здоровью. Мне присвоено жилье на 4 года, чтобы принять дешевое жилье для бедных. Никто не хотел сдавать в аренду бедняку без справки и без работы. Но когда я получила свою новую квартиру, это была именно моя самая смелая мечта. К сожалению, травмы Я очень чувствителен к химическим веществам, поэтому я читаю в Интернете о естественном способе обезвреживания и дезодорации плесени. Поэтому я начал чистить все уксусом. Я не понимаю, потому что в моей повышенной квартире я не замечал больших проблем, но, возможно, это доставляло мне больше проблем с дыханием, чем плесень и сигареты, но я продолжал преследовать другие вещи. У меня начала шелушиться кожа, и я стал плохо видеть, а правая сторона моего лица онемела из-за проблем с глазами. Вот когда я пытался стирать с ним. Я был так болен, что мне удалось избавиться от своей болезни и пришлось спать прямо на полу на подушках. Я думал, что у меня аллергия на мою новую причудливую кровать из латекса и мои новые стиральные машины. А то когда испытывала стирать, то уже переживала подделку за одеяло, которое пахло плесенью после сушки под дождем... Я использовал уксус и средство для мытья посуды. Я обычно целые флаконы. У меня в голове был голос, кричащий, чтобы я этого не делал, но я отмахнулся, думая, что могу просто нейтрализовать его бикарбонатом, а потом промыть. Запах ушел, но и кожа на лице моего, я не мог говорить, я едва мог видеть в течение недели, и мне так и не стало лучше из-за паров. У меня была постоянная дрожь по всему телу. Я все еще ощущаю сильную боль с ожогами по всему телу, но их не видно. Я думал, что если я подожду, пара уйдет, но я понимаю, что создал растворитель и расплавил металл и акрил из ванны. Кажется, у меня аллергия на акрил. Моя предыдущая ванна была металлической, и я никогда не реагировала так плохо, даже когда я мыла волосы уксусом, чтобы избавиться от перхоти. Нет, если я начну принимать анализы, у меня начнутся дороги, и я приеду через 2 дня. Даже когда я четырежды ходил в резервы с багровыми руками, они ничего не совершали, за исключением случаев, когда меня называли жертвами. Я подыгрывал, просто чтобы избежать перегара и заставить их держать меня в психиатрии, а они отказались. Хозяин спасся, помоги мне и угрожай мне. Все издевались надо мной, говоря, что это невозможно. Кожный столб моего лица со струпьями по всему организму не согласен. Ясно, но из-за наличия кислотного тела и мозга я не могу ясно мыслить. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. просто чтобы избежать перегара и заставить их держать меня в психиатрии, а они отказались. Хозяин спасся, помоги мне и угрожай мне. Все издевались надо мной, говоря, что это невозможно. Кожный столб моего лица со струпьями по всему организму не согласен. Ясно, но из-за наличия кислотного тела и мозга я не могу ясно мыслить. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. просто чтобы избежать перегара и заставить их держать меня в психиатрии, а они отказались. Хозяин спасся, помоги мне и угрожай мне. Все издевались надо мной, говоря, что это невозможно. Кожный столб моего лица со струпьями по всему организму не согласен. Ясно, но из-за наличия кислотного тела и мозга я не могу ясно мыслить. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие. т думаю прямо. Они используют это, чтобы уволить меня, это просто безумие.

Last year I lived the two worst moments of my life. I got assaulted by a security guard for not wearing a mask at on outside I begged him to let me catch my breath but he grabbed me by their hair and dragged me left and right. He lied to the cup saying that I attacked him but it was not true and the cops refused to see the video camera showing that I never defended myself. The cops saw my legs covered in blood and told me that I deserved it that I'm the guilty one that I'm the bad person.

I have trouble walking for 4 months twisting in agony day and night I couldn't sleep because every time I moved it tortured me. I twisted my ankle long ago and by suddenly moving left and right it twisted my knees dozens of times on both sides on both legs. I would have been better off with a broken leg.

When I was finally able to go out I went to see my doctor begging him to have help at home because I can't function alone anymore I can't take care of myself I'm too sick. And after going out of the clinic I got hit by a car who didn't do his stop. He hit me in the leg then my head got catapulted I doubles speed against the car. I had a neck injury Whiplash and concussion but they drag me on the sidewalk by the arms with my head moving left and right. When I woke up I was screaming in agony saying that I can't live like this and to finish me off. Someone managed to find my broken glasses because I'm almost blind. They took me to the hospital and I talked at least this time they can dismiss my physical pain as being just in my head.. but they did. I had to put my hands through my hair and through the blood asking them if it looks real enough for them. But they kept saying that I have nothing that it was just a slight fall which was not.

I saw double couldn't work straight couldn't get out of bed from the pain. I shat in my bed starving helpless. I called the hotline for the nurse begging to send someone to help me at home and they hanged on me saying that I don't cooperate with them because I was so hurt I was not able to spell my name and how they care about was to feel their form. I was left to die I had to learn how to do physiotherapy to be able to walk myself with YouTube to replace the crystals in my hair at the proper place to detect gravity.

I can do it everything I don't anymore I have people not me that I need to be independent they never had to do an operation on their own knee.

Have have no family no friend no nothing and when I finally have a social worker she refused to help me get the help I need to eat.

I thought I made a friend but it turned out to be as sadistic narcissist. I learned that they do triangulation she kept insisting that she won't tell me to meet her friend to help me make friends but it was a lie. It was to be too against one to recruit me to her jeovah whitness religion, and to mock my suffering. When I said that I was losing weight extremely fast and was scared because I was not healthy enough to be able to cook for myself since the toxin and my apartment, she kept saying that her friend brings her food when she's sick and I was happy for her so I didn't see hOw twisted and cruel or come out was. Until one day that I asked her if she could do that for me and she said no that I don't deserve it she does but not me. I finally noticed all the abuse that she did to me since the beginning and I became slowly more insane. She kept pressuring me to be positive while she complain about really dark things. It was okay for her but not for me. She pressured me to be perfect and happy and to never talk about anything negative if she made me meet her friend or if I go out with my own or at all. The pressure to be something I'm not in high my reality when I could not even cook for myself was too much and I started to become agoraphobic.

When she went too far telling me that I don't deserve help I finally told her to apologize or she would lose my friendship if she doesn't respect me. But instead to do that she called my social worker to manipulate her that she was worried about me and that I was acting like a crazy person when I was just asking for respect. So when my social worker met me later that day she refused to believe that she was a bad friend even true I've been telling her for weeks How cruel she was being to me. She manipulated my social worker against me and my social worker broke the privacy rule and listened to the manipulation of an enemy. She was on the side of my aggressor instead to defend my right to not be bullied. She also said nothing while somebody was truly insulting me she didn't defend me even to I begged her too. And employee of my apartment met me to order me to never call for help again to pay for all the repairs myself from now on. It's illegal and I begged my social worker to at least tell them to respect my doctor recommendation and send the specialist in decontamination. But she just sat there like I dead fish letting them do psychological violence and refuse to save me. She had the chance to defend me but didn't. She was even on their side on the phone telling that I'm just insane and that she's going to take care of my crisis instead to tell them that I'm in distress because of physical pain and need their help figure it out what happened in my apartment.

Went went to the hospital four times and they just dismissed me. The degree of extreme Agony that I indured I can't even describe. I would rather be hit by 10 other cars than go through acid fume exposure again and I answered that non-stop since 6 months I'm becoming insane as my body is breaking.

I can't have afford to move and nobody want me.

I demanded to be kept in psychiatry to have a chance to heal and figure out a way to fix the problem because I couldn't think straight anymore. It took a week but I started to heal. Physically. Mentally their torture to break me and convince me that I'm a bad person who deserve nothing have succeeded. Did denied me everything phone even food shower at some point. Even medical Care and the medication that they wanted to give me. They deprived me of sleep by speaking loudly all night laughing like mad clowns while I cried. That really f***** me up. I wanted to stay for at least a month but when they wanted to let me go after 5 days I couldn't wait. All I wanted was hide in the poison because people are way more toxic than acid. I became extremely agree with I can't even go get food. Because if I get out of the poison and start feeling better I will become completely hysterical and terror to be forced to return there. Like I did the last time and went in psychiatry after playing board games. I almost puked and passed out all over the boards I was shaking in agony. Now I'm so extremely dizzy I have a trouble just getting up. People don't understand that I'm f***** up because I'm in pain and they think it's just my personality. It's torture I'm denied medical care because nobody want to believe me my doctor does but I don't think I can survive one year to meet a specialist with probably going to call me insane anyway like last time I saw one about allergy. I needed a paper saying that I'm allergic to mold to sue the landlord for and celebrity with more weight but the doctor couldn't even detect an allergy that was known from childhood.

But that's supposed to be my only hope when even if they validate that it's not in my head it doesn't change that the poison is in my home and the landlord refuse to help and I can't find any specialist to help me

It's absolutely cruel to tell somebody who was the victim of pedophiles that she has a personality disorder. That it's not the criminal that is a bad person but the victim. Mental health problems are not caused by brain defects. They are caused by violence. Psychological physical or sexual and I had them all several times in a way that I almost died. It's even more traumatic to be abused by the people pretending to be there to help you than by the criminal himself. Somebody cannot heal from violence with more violence and invalidation. They made us sadder with abuse and justified more abuse saying that we're sicker. Antidepressants cause psychosis and antipsychotics cause psychosis. And suicidal urges. The goal is clearly not to make people happy but to control them with chemical lobotomy and straight jackets.

It is sick that in our society or friend are told to not hug us and listen to us but to call the cops on us and get us locked up and drug by force if we are crying. It is extremely disHumantizing and isolating. But if the victims of societies abuse are isolated and hidden nobody are going to have real happiness because everybody is just working hard to hide pain. We need solidarity to fight for her rights and stop abuse but as long as we're going to blame the victim the aggressor are going to stay victorious.

Women get killed because their cops refuse to take them seriously. They think that a man is entitled to beat the s*** out of them that they deserve it for not being submissive enough to their Superior monsters. I am literally disgusted that even fathers think that way of their own daughter even to the point of raping them. I read a story that was so gruesome of displaced internal organs that nobody wanted to different her in court and get her justice because they could not bear to see the reality so they dismissed her as a liar.

Yesterday I thought that I had help from someone but when I told her about the toxin and allergy to the product in my home, send the cops on me even to I begged her not to telling her that they abused me before. She did anyway to give herself good conscience and have the illusion to help. Because it was easier than come to my home with that mop and bucket. So once again I was treated like a criminal. He said that he finds it worrisome that people like me are allowed to vote. He told my friend that she should block me because I'm just an insane abusive person who don't deserve help. She's a business woman who help people high in politics. But he described her as some cripple in the nursing home and me trying to abuse her for money. Is shame me for asking for help telling me that I'm going to make her sick because she can say no and I abuse that. He shame me that I don't deserve help or friends or even to vote. After all the multiple abuse that I entered since childhood I was told that I'm the abuser and don't deserve to be safe don't deserve protection deserve to be beaten.

They they don't want to finish me off and kill me they don't want to let me kill myself so I will be free or at least won't bother anymore.

Yesterday yesterday I just broke and I bought SN. I'm too broken in my brain to be able to understand what to do with the other drugs and will need a coach to guide me step by step like a broken child. I can't even write anymore I'm using a speech to text converter.

I am extremely tempted to just hang myself right away because I don't think I can figure it out. I can go out to buy a scale or even a measuring cup

Мне пришлось заказать китайскую еду, чтобы найти, что мы пытаемся поесть, потому что я больше не могу готовить для себя. Если я попытаюсь помыть посуду, кислота в металлической раковине будет не только дымить, но и металлическую пыль. Когда я пытаюсь почистить раковину, полотенце наполняется металлом. Так что представьте, что он делает со всем моим телом, это агония. Мне так хочется попытаться нейтрализовать его отбеливателем, но горчичный газ получится. Вероятно, так оно и было.

Мне так стыдно, что я навсегда испортил квартиру, и всем после меня будет больно. Но, может быть, это только я. Может быть, я слишком слаб для этого мира. Но я видела фотографии младенцев с шелушащейся кожей, как сумасшедшая, и врач сказал, что это просто болезнь их тела, когда я думаю, что это продукты, которые мы используем в окружающей среде. Комбинация.

Мне действительно нужна помощь, чтобы спасти мою жизнь от продуктов, которые я использую, я не знаю, что делать. Но люди скорее обесценят мою реальность, чем попытаются найти решение. Мне говорят, что это только в моей голове, но даже если я был чертовски сумасшедшим, и да, это действительно жестоко видеть это таким образом. Это пренебрежительно и унизительно. Их горячая линия медсестер постоянно говорит об этом. Я не хочу жить в таком жестоком мире. Кто-то здесь сказал мне, что он уверен, что все были добры ко мне, и я просто недооцениваю ситуацию. Когда я был весь в крови, мне сказали, что я это заслужил, как я должен воспринимать это как доброту. Есть слова настолько жестокие, что я прекрасно помню точные слова.

Нравится приложение психиатра, который сказал мне, что у меня нет качеств и нужно научиться подчиняться.

В этом мире так много красивых вещей, которые я хочу испытать, но я слишком болен и сломлен. Даже если я перееду в другую квартиру, и будет только хуже, потому что она идеальна, мне придется выбросить все, что у меня есть, что было загрязнено. И даже если я пожертвую всем этим горем и попытаюсь лечиться годами, единственное, что меня ждет, — это одиночество, отказ и новые нападения.

Я чувствую, что меня заставляют умереть. Я чувствую, что выпил растворитель. Я чувствую его вкус, мой язык воспален, а губы горят. Все мое нутро горит, как бешеное, мои слезы горят, как кислота, я даже не могу пойти в ванную, не испытывая агонии, и нет, у меня нет ЗППП, я девственник. Я защищал свою девственность дороже своей жизни, поскольку люди пытались изнасиловать меня, но, к счастью, только оставили на мне шрамы, нащупали меня и причинили мне серьезные травмы. Я читал наши истории, которые разбили мне сердце из-за изнасилования... Я не знаю, как они справляются, может быть, у них была лучшая система социальной поддержки, но меня всегда били все больше и больше.

Когда мне говорят, что я жестокий монстр, убивающий ради помощи и принимающий ад, который кто-то устроил мне, это ужасно.

Я продолжал открывать, что кто-то когда-нибудь проявит сострадание, но психопат встает на пути и говорит им заблокировать меня, что я никогда не заслуживаю их помощи. Когда служащий моей квартиры сказал мне, что это было разрушительно, но, увидев Кобов, сказал мне, что я никогда не получу помощь ни от кого в обществе. Те самые люди, которые заплатили за мою защиту, убедившись, что мне никто никогда не поможет...

Это не синдром преследования, когда это реально

Я хочу жить, но я должен умереть, пока меня еще больше не замучили и покалечили. Я не могу больше там сидеть, я просыпаюсь с криком и плачем. Иногда я задаюсь вопросом, был бы я более здоровым бездомным, но друг сказал мне, что он холодный и голодный, и это разбило мне сердце, что я не смог ему помочь. Я хотел бы спасти людей, но я не могу спасти себя. У меня так болит мозг, что я даже не могу понять рецепт SN

Что я могу сделать, чтобы спастись

Каждый раз, когда я нахожу искру надежды, я понимаю, что просто хочу больше агрессора в этих парнях, а они говорят мне, что я абьюзер. даже здесь

Я так устала жить в ненависти и угрозах и винить и винить в нападении, что я уверена и всегда б***** винить в том, что другие люди делают со мной, когда я ничего не делаю, кроме крика от боли

Я бы все отдал, чтобы когда-нибудь жить в этом мире без жестокости или никогда не просыпаться

Я забыл упомянуть о covid. Я был ранен вакциной, и я явно не могу терпеть ни трамикель, ни даже уксус, так что представьте, что мне вводят вирусы. Я был так счастлив жить в развитом мире без сегрегации нацистов против евреев и белых людей, разделяющих черных. Называя их грязными, опасными и недостойными иметь такие же права человека, как и другие. Но из-за того, что я не мог сделать прививку, я даже не имел права работать, ходить в школу, есть в ресторанах, когда был зол, или даже арендовать определенные помещения. Мне отказывали абсолютно во всем в обществе и изолировали дома, так как заключенные не выносят полной изоляции. Я думал, что понял это, будучи прикованным к постели в течение 20 лет, но даже не имея права ходить в ресторан, это дошло до такой крайней степени, что это была абсолютная агония. Мне даже отказывали в членстве в клубах, чтобы гулять в парках. Я трижды терял всех своих друзей, потому что они говорили мне, что я убийца монстров, отказываясь вводить в себя что-то ядовитое. Бесчисленное количество людей падает замертво или от вакцины, и даже после четырех доз и масок они все еще не могут убить грипп, а Пасхальный кролик пытается контролировать функции организма, вместо того, чтобы питать иммунную систему витаминами С и В... И d.

Контролировать наш разум с помощью школьной цензуры недостаточно, они должны были контролировать ее дыхание и медицинские решения, чтобы заставить нас принимать наркотики. Заставлять всех здоровых людей все время принимать наркотики, представляете, какой это абсурд. И люди заставляют членов своей семьи и любимых сделать это и стыдят их, если они не осуждают их, если они устраивают вечеринки с любимым человеком, как люди осуждают евреев. Если вы думаете, что я преувеличиваю, я читал, что люди говорят, что они не хотят, чтобы вакцинированные были заперты в лагерях, и они строят некоторые из них. Меня избили до полусмерти, потому что я был без маски на улице, пытаясь отдышаться, пока я был болен, так что не говорите мне, что все в порядке, потому что они искалечили мои ноги и чуть не убили меня. Охранник, заплативший за мою защиту, просто хотел власти и господства. Если бы он заботился о том, чтобы быть больным, вы бы уважали, чтобы остаться со мной есть часть вместо того, чтобы прикасаться ко мне. Я не кашлял, и ребенок, которого я совсем один умолял позволить мне перевести дух между автобусами.

И я не единственный, кто подвергался насилию, мы все подвергались насилию, но нападали на людей, которые пытаются нас защитить.

Я насмотрелся жестокости на всю жизнь. Я сам ошибся и глупым ядом уничтожил свое новое начало, как дурак.

Я слишком болен, я не могу жить так один и мучаюсь каждый раз, когда прошу о помощи, и люди забирают людей, которые меня любят, из чистой злости.

Полицейские были настолько жестоки, чтобы говорить и оскорблять человека, что она не имеет права звать на помощь, иначе она насильник, она монстр.

Черт, просто стреляй в меня из своего пистолета.

Мне надоело подвергаться насилию и расплачиваться за преступления других. Проснуться в слезах, как испуганный ребенок, но мне 42 года. У меня никогда не было жизни, я только ждал смерти, прячась от ужаса.

Я хотел встретить жизнь, но я упал, и теперь я просто хотел закончить. Я два раза пытался покончить с собой ее сумкой и три раза веревкой. Я действительно имел в виду последнюю попытку, но она не сработала. Я такой цыпленок, я просто хочу жить. Но я больше не могу терпеть пытки нон-стоп.

Я использую конвертер голоса в текст, и иногда он пишет противоположное тому, что я хочу. Так что, если я скажу что-то среднее, пожалуйста, прости меня, я просто сломлен. Если вы не полицейский, психиатр или педофил, пожалуйста, не думайте, что я думаю о вас плохо.

Я хотел бы получить любую помощь, чтобы жить или умереть. Но не быть раздавленным, запуганным, униженным...

Каждая секунда — это пытка не только тогда, когда это происходит, но и после.

Как, черт возьми, я должен иметь друзей и помощь после того, как мне сказали, что это делает меня монстром, если полиция будет судить меня. Они изменили меня к худшему. Они сказали мне, что я оскорбляю Монстра, если просто разговариваю со стариками, так что теперь я просто хочу избегать их ради их же блага. Я не заслуживаю защиты друзей, медицинской помощи, я не заслуживаю дышать нетоксичным воздухом.

У меня есть нормальный друг, который раз в месяц приглашает меня к онлайн-игровой вечеринке, но рассказывает о своих любовных свадебных путешествиях... Карьер мечтает о хобби, о действительно больших свершениях. Этому предстоит осознать, что я никогда не был жив и никогда не буду, и что я не писал. Я не могу остановиться на разговоре, и если они вызывают, чтобы предотвратить, я прерываюсь и заканчиваю тем, что рассказываю им, как сильно я страдаю, а они наблюдаются на мне, как на черную чуму. Мне говорят, что я должен это скрывать, но на фальшивую улыбку уходит столько сил, что я больше не могу. Я ненавижу лицемерие. Мой друг сказал мне, что у меня, вероятно, нет друзей, потому что я навязываю свою травму другому. Сказать жертве сексуального насилия, что я тот, кто навязал себя своим друзьям, потому что я честно делюсь своей реальностью. я не могу находиться рядом. Им просто не место для меня. я сломлен я' публичная боксерская груша, и мне это чертовски надоело. Говорят, что нужно просто приложить нагрузку, но так не бывает. Они говорят, чтобы просто позвать на помощь, и что про жизнь или придет, чтобы спасти нас, но нет, они белорусские садисты, которые я когда-либо видел.

Я не паникёр, меня абсолютно терроризируют, и мне нужно об этом поговорить. Когда я хочу объятий...

I have sexual abuse since I'm 11 years old. My mother was a narcissist who took me that I don't deserve to be protected or haven't defend myself for free. So I've been the victim of bullying and pedophiles. Because I wouldn't put my limits with boundaries I guess. I was isolated fragile with no self esteem so I was an easy target to vent like a punching bag. The happiest days of my life or meat punching back people in the face including my mother. I had a fiance when I was 18 but it turned out violent and I left him. I haven't had lovers since at least 20 years. But I kept being abused. I haven't had to give up my carrier because it was just sexual harassment. I was doing web design but they treated me like just some w**** pretending to have a job for me just to have an excuse to talk to me about sex. I even had a bos tell me that sex is all I'm good for. I never had sex with him he was super old. I ended up leaving in a very end celebrious apartment with mold and between really heavy smokers. My neighbor when I begged him crying to at least upon the windows try to punch me on the face and I slapped him. The landlord said that I'm at red and tried to kick me homeless with that excuse because he was sick of me complaining about and insalubrity. It took me 4 years to be accepted for a cheap housing for the poor. Nobody wanted to rent to a poor invalud without reference and a job. But when I got my new apartment it was exactly my wildest dream. Unfortunately the trauma of leaving in a celebrity made me do stupid things. I am extremely sensitive to chemicals so I read online for a natural way to kill and deodorize mold. So I started cleaning everything with vinegar. I don't understand because in my previous apartment I didn't notice a big problem but maybe it gave me breathing troubles more than mold and cigarette but I kept blaming the other stuff. I started having my skin peel off and trouble seeing and the right side of my face was numb with trouble seeing. That's when I try to do laundry with it. I was so sick I had to get rid of my bed and sleep straight on the floor on pillows. I thought that I was allergic to my new fancy latex bed and my new washing machines. And then when I tried to wash I already take fake for blanket that smelled like mold after drying in the rain... I used vinegar and dish soap. I use the entire bottles. I had a voice screaming in my head not to do it but I dismissed it thinking that I could just neutralize it with bicarbonate and wash it later. The smell was gone but also the skin in my face I couldn't speak I could barely see for a week and I never got better because of the fumes. I had constant tremors all over my body. I'm still in intense pain with burn all over my body but they're not visible. I thought that if I waited the fumes will go away but I realize that I created a solvent and melted metal and acrylic from the bath. I seem to be allergic to acrylic. My previous bath was a metal and I never reacted this bad even through I was washing my hair with vinegar to fix dandruff. No if I try to take a bath I get convulsions and I'm in a coma for 2 days. Even when I went four times to the hospital with purple hands they did nothing except call me insane. I played along just to escape the fume and make them to keep me in psychiatry and they refused. The landlord refused to help me and threaten me. Everybody mocked me saying that it's impossible. The skin pillar of my face with scabs all over my face disagree. Clearly but by having an extremely acidic body and brain I can't think straight. They use it to dismiss me it's just insane.

Last year I lived the two worst moments of my life. I got assaulted by a security guard for not wearing a mask at on outside I begged him to let me catch my breath but he grabbed me by their hair and dragged me left and right. He lied to the cup saying that I attacked him but it was not true and the cops refused to see the video camera showing that I never defended myself. The cops saw my legs covered in blood and told me that I deserved it that I'm the guilty one that I'm the bad person.

I have trouble walking for 4 months twisting in agony day and night I couldn't sleep because every time I moved it tortured me. I twisted my ankle long ago and by suddenly moving left and right it twisted my knees dozens of times on both sides on both legs. I would have been better off with a broken leg.

When I was finally able to go out I went to see my doctor begging him to have help at home because I can't function alone anymore I can't take care of myself I'm too sick. And after going out of the clinic I got hit by a car who didn't do his stop. He hit me in the leg then my head got catapulted I doubles speed against the car. I had a neck injury Whiplash and concussion but they drag me on the sidewalk by the arms with my head moving left and right. When I woke up I was screaming in agony saying that I can't live like this and to finish me off. Someone managed to find my broken glasses because I'm almost blind. They took me to the hospital and I talked at least this time they can dismiss my physical pain as being just in my head.. but they did. I had to put my hands through my hair and through the blood asking them if it looks real enough for them. But they kept saying that I have nothing that it was just a slight fall which was not.

I saw double couldn't work straight couldn't get out of bed from the pain. I shat in my bed starving helpless. I called the hotline for the nurse begging to send someone to help me at home and they hanged on me saying that I don't cooperate with them because I was so hurt I was not able to spell my name and how they care about was to feel their form. I was left to die I had to learn how to do physiotherapy to be able to walk myself with YouTube to replace the crystals in my hair at the proper place to detect gravity.

I can do it everything I don't anymore I have people not me that I need to be independent they never had to do an operation on their own knee.

Have have no family no friend no nothing and when I finally have a social worker she refused to help me get the help I need to eat.

I thought I made a friend but it turned out to be as sadistic narcissist. I learned that they do triangulation she kept insisting that she won't tell me to meet her friend to help me make friends but it was a lie. It was to be too against one to recruit me to her jeovah whitness religion, and to mock my suffering. When I said that I was losing weight extremely fast and was scared because I was not healthy enough to be able to cook for myself since the toxin and my apartment, she kept saying that her friend brings her food when she's sick and I was happy for her so I didn't see hOw twisted and cruel or come out was. Until one day that I asked her if she could do that for me and she said no that I don't deserve it she does but not me. I finally noticed all the abuse that she did to me since the beginning and I became slowly more insane. She kept pressuring me to be positive while she complain about really dark things. It was okay for her but not for me. She pressured me to be perfect and happy and to never talk about anything negative if she made me meet her friend or if I go out with my own or at all. The pressure to be something I'm not in high my reality when I could not even cook for myself was too much and I started to become agoraphobic.

When she went too far telling me that I don't deserve help I finally told her to apologize or she would lose my friendship if she doesn't respect me. But instead to do that she called my social worker to manipulate her that she was worried about me and that I was acting like a crazy person when I was just asking for respect. So when my social worker met me later that day she refused to believe that she was a bad friend even true I've been telling her for weeks How cruel she was being to me. She manipulated my social worker against me and my social worker broke the privacy rule and listened to the manipulation of an enemy. She was on the side of my aggressor instead to defend my right to not be bullied. She also said nothing while somebody was truly insulting me she didn't defend me even to I begged her too. And employee of my apartment met me to order me to never call for help again to pay for all the repairs myself from now on. It's illegal and I begged my social worker to at least tell them to respect my doctor recommendation and send the specialist in decontamination. But she just sat there like I dead fish letting them do psychological violence and refuse to save me. She had the chance to defend me but didn't. She was even on their side on the phone telling that I'm just insane and that she's going to take care of my crisis instead to tell them that I'm in distress because of physical pain and need their help figure it out what happened in my apartment.

Went went to the hospital four times and they just dismissed me. The degree of extreme Agony that I indured I can't even describe. I would rather be hit by 10 other cars than go through acid fume exposure again and I answered that non-stop since 6 months I'm becoming insane as my body is breaking.

I can't have afford to move and nobody want me.

I demanded to be kept in psychiatry to have a chance to heal and figure out a way to fix the problem because I couldn't think straight anymore. It took a week but I started to heal. Physically. Mentally their torture to break me and convince me that I'm a bad person who deserve nothing have succeeded. Did denied me everything phone even food shower at some point. Even medical Care and the medication that they wanted to give me. They deprived me of sleep by speaking loudly all night laughing like mad clowns while I cried. That really f***** me up. I wanted to stay for at least a month but when they wanted to let me go after 5 days I couldn't wait. All I wanted was hide in the poison because people are way more toxic than acid. I became extremely agree with I can't even go get food. Because if I get out of the poison and start feeling better I will become completely hysterical and terror to be forced to return there. Like I did the last time and went in psychiatry after playing board games. I almost puked and passed out all over the boards I was shaking in agony. Now I'm so extremely dizzy I have a trouble just getting up. People don't understand that I'm f***** up because I'm in pain and they think it's just my personality. It's torture I'm denied medical care because nobody want to believe me my doctor does but I don't think I can survive one year to meet a specialist with probably going to call me insane anyway like last time I saw one about allergy. I needed a paper saying that I'm allergic to mold to sue the landlord for and celebrity with more weight but the doctor couldn't even detect an allergy that was known from childhood.

But that's supposed to be my only hope when even if they validate that it's not in my head it doesn't change that the poison is in my home and the landlord refuse to help and I can't find any specialist to help me

It's absolutely cruel to tell somebody who was the victim of pedophiles that she has a personality disorder. That it's not the criminal that is a bad person but the victim. Mental health problems are not caused by brain defects. They are caused by violence. Psychological physical or sexual and I had them all several times in a way that I almost died. It's even more traumatic to be abused by the people pretending to be there to help you than by the criminal himself. Somebody cannot heal from violence with more violence and invalidation. They made us sadder with abuse and justified more abuse saying that we're sicker. Antidepressants cause psychosis and antipsychotics cause psychosis. And suicidal urges. The goal is clearly not to make people happy but to control them with chemical lobotomy and straight jackets.

It is sick that in our society or friend are told to not hug us and listen to us but to call the cops on us and get us locked up and drug by force if we are crying. It is extremely disHumantizing and isolating. But if the victims of societies abuse are isolated and hidden nobody are going to have real happiness because everybody is just working hard to hide pain. We need solidarity to fight for her rights and stop abuse but as long as we're going to blame the victim the aggressor are going to stay victorious.

Women get killed because their cops refuse to take them seriously. They think that a man is entitled to beat the s*** out of them that they deserve it for not being submissive enough to their Superior monsters. I am literally disgusted that even fathers think that way of their own daughter even to the point of raping them. I read a story that was so gruesome of displaced internal organs that nobody wanted to different her in court and get her justice because they could not bear to see the reality so they dismissed her as a liar.

Yesterday I thought that I had help from someone but when I told her about the toxin and allergy to the product in my home, send the cops on me even to I begged her not to telling her that they abused me before. She did anyway to give herself good conscience and have the illusion to help. Because it was easier than come to my home with that mop and bucket. So once again I was treated like a criminal. He said that he finds it worrisome that people like me are allowed to vote. He told my friend that she should block me because I'm just an insane abusive person who don't deserve help. She's a business woman who help people high in politics. But he described her as some cripple in the nursing home and me trying to abuse her for money. Is shame me for asking for help telling me that I'm going to make her sick because she can say no and I abuse that. He shame me that I don't deserve help or friends or even to vote. After all the multiple abuse that I entered since childhood I was told that I'm the abuser and don't deserve to be safe don't deserve protection deserve to be beaten.

They they don't want to finish me off and kill me they don't want to let me kill myself so I will be free or at least won't bother anymore.

Yesterday yesterday I just broke and I bought SN. I'm too broken in my brain to be able to understand what to do with the other drugs and will need a coach to guide me step by step like a broken child. I can't even write anymore I'm using a speech to text converter.

I am extremely tempted to just hang myself right away because I don't think I can figure it out. I can go out to buy a scale or even a measuring cup

I had to order Chinese food to find us trying to eat because I just can't cook for myself anymore. If if I tried to do the dishes the acid in the metal sink will not only make fumes but also metal dust. When I try to clean the sink the towel is full of metal. So imagine what it does all over my body it is agony. I am so tempted to try to neutralize it with bleach but it will do mustard gas. It probably did.

Feel feel so ashamed that I ruined the apartment forever and everybody after me is going to be in pain. But maybe it's just me. Maybe I am just too fragile for this world. But I've seen pictures of baby with skin peeling of like mad and doctor said that that it's just a disease of their body when I think it's the products that we use in the environment. The combination.

I really need help to save my life from the products that I use I don't know what to do. But people will rather invalidate my reality than try to find solutions. I'm told that it just in my head but even if I was bad s*** crazy and yes I am it's really cruel to see it that way. It's dismissive and demeaning. Their nurse hotline keeps saying that. I don't want to live in such a cruel world. Someone here told me that he sure that everybody was kind to me and I'm just misjudging the situation. When I was covered in blood I was told that I deserve it how am I supposed to see it as a kindness. There are words that are so cruel that I remember the exact words perfectly.

Like app psychiatrist who told me that I have no quality and to learn to obey.

There are so many beautiful things in this world that I want to experience but I'm too sick and broken. Even if I move to a different apartment and it can only be worse because it's perfect I would have to trash everything I own that got contaminated. And even if I sacrifice all that grief and try to heal for years the only thing that awaits me is loneliness rejection and more assault.

I feel like I am forced to die. I feel like I drank solvent. I can taste it my tongue is inflamed and lips are burning. All my inside burns like mad my tears burn like acid I can't even go to the bathroom without being in agony and no I don't have an STD I'm a virgin. I have defended my virginity as more preciously than my life as people try to rape me but thankfully only made scars on me and groped me and gave me serious traumas. I read our stories that broke my heart of rape... I don't know how they cope maybe they had a better social support system but I have ever got was to be beaten down more and more.

Being told that I'm an abusive monster for killing for help and accepting the hell that someone gave me it's horrifying.

I I kept opening that somebody would have compassion someday but the psychopath get in the way and tell them to block me that I don't deserve their help ever. When the employee of my apartment told me that it was devastating but to see the CObs tell me that I will never get help from anybody in society ever. The very people paid to protect me making sure that nobody will ever help me...

It's it's not a syndrome of persecution when it's real

I want to live but I must die before I get tortured and cripple even more. I can't there yet sit anymore I wake up screaming and crying. Sometimes I wonder if I would be healthier homeless but a friend told me that is cold and hungry and it broke my heart to not be able to help him. I wish I could save people but I can't save myself. My brain hurts so much I can't even figure it out the SN recipe

What can I do to be saved

Every every time I find a spark of hope I realize that it just want more abuser in this guys and they tell me that I'm the abuser. even here

I'm so tired to live in hatred and threats and blame and be blamed for the attack that I am sure and to always f****** be blame for what other people do to me when I do nothing except screaming pain

I would give anything to ever live in that world without cruelty or never wake up

I I forgot to mention about covid. I've been injured by a vaccine and I clearly can't tolerate tramickel's not even vinegar so imagine being injected with viruses. I was so happy to live in a evolved world without the segregation of the Nazi against the Jews, and the white people segregating the blacks. Calling them filthy and dangerous and unworthy to have the same human rights as others. But because I couldn't get vaccinated I didn't even have the right to work go to school go eat in restaurants when I was angry or even rent certain places. I was denied absolutely everything in society and isolated at home having prisoners don't endure complete isolation. I thought that I understood it by being bedridden for 20 years but not even having the right to go to a restaurant made it go to such an extreme degree it was absolute agony. I was even denied to join clubs to take walks outside in parks. I lost all my friends three times because they told me that I was a Monster killer by refusing to get something toxic inside me. Countless people drop dead or the vaccine and even after four doses and masks they still can't kill the flu and the Easter Bunny try to control body function instead to nourish the immune system with vitamin C and B... And d.

Controlling our mind with school censorship is not enough they had to control her breaths and medical choices to force us to take drugs. Forcing all the healthy people to take drugs all the time can you imagine how absurd it is. And people pressuring their own family members and loved one to do it and shaming them if they don't denouncing them if they have parties with loved one like people denounce the Jews. If you think that I am exaggerating I read people say that they won't the vaccinated to be locked up in camps and they build some. I've been beaten to a pulp because I was not wearing a mask outside trying to catch my breath while I was sick so don't tell me that it was okay because they crippled my legs and almost kill me. The security guard paid to protect me just wanted power and domination. If he had cared about being sick you would have respected to stay to me there is a part instead to touch me. I was not coughing and a baby I was all alone begging to let me catch my breath between buses.

And and I'm not the only one who's been abused we were all abused but attacked the people who are trying to protect us.

I I saw enough cruelty for an entire lifetime. I made mistake myself and I destroyed my new beginning with stupid poison like a fool.

I'm too sick I can't live like this alone and tortured every time I ask for help and people taking away the people who love me out of pure spite.

The the cOps were so beyond cruel to tell and abused person that she has no right to call for help otherwise she's the abuser she's a monster.

Damn damn just shoot me with your gun.

I I am sick and tired to be abused and pay for the crimes of others. To wake up crying like a terrified child but I'm 42 years old. I never had a life I only waited for death in terror hiding.

I wanted to meet life but I fell and now I just wanted to end. I tried to kill myself two times with her bag and three times with a rope. I really meant the last attempt but it didn't work out. I'm such a chicken I just want to live. But I can't bear torture non-stop anymore.

I'm I'm using a voice to text converter and sometimes it writes the opposite of what I want. So if I say something mean please forgive me I'm just broken. Unless you're a cOp or a psychiatrist or a pedophile please don't think I think badly of you.

I wish I could get help any help to live or to die. But not be crushed bullied humiliated...

Every second is torture not just when it happens but being haunted after.

How the hell am I supposed to be able to have friends and help after being told that it makes me a monster to try by the police. They changed who I am for the worst. They told me that I'm abusing Monster if I just speak to the elderly so now I just want to shun them for their own good. I don't deserve friends protection medical care I don't deserve to breathe non-toxic air

У меня есть нормальный друг, который раз в месяц приглашает меня присоединиться к онлайн-игровой вечеринке, но рассказывает о своих любовных свадебных путешествиях... Карьер мечтает о хобби, о действительно больших свершениях. Это заставило меня осознать, что я никогда не был жив и никогда не буду, и что я не принадлежу. Я не могу присоединиться к разговору, и если они настаивают, чтобы спросить, я прерываюсь и заканчиваю тем, что рассказываю им, как сильно я страдаю, а затем они смотрят на меня, как на черную чуму. Мне говорят, что я должна это скрывать, но на фальшивую улыбку уходит столько сил, что я больше не могу. Я ненавижу лицемерие. Мой друг сказал мне, что у меня, вероятно, нет друзей, потому что я навязываю свою травму другим. Сказать жертве сексуального насилия, что я тот, кто навязал себя своим друзьям, потому что я честно делюсь своей реальностью. Я не могу выиграть. Им просто не место для меня. я сломлен я' публичная боксерская груша, и мне это чертовски надоело. Говорят, что нужно просто приложить усилия, но так не бывает. Они говорят, чтобы просто позвать на помощь, и что про жизнь или придет, чтобы спасти нас, но нет, они худшие садисты, которых я когда-либо видел.

Я не паникёр, меня абсолютно терроризируют, и мне нужно об этом поговорить. Я чувствую, что меня заставляют умирать, когда я хочу объятий...

I also had the same thoughts as you. I won't say my life has been easy, but it's definitely easier than yours.I need a friend.Let's be friends.Do you have any email in gmail so I can write to you?

 

[Andry387]

I also had the same thoughts as you. I won't say my life has been easy, but it's definitely easier than yours.I need a friend.Let's be friends.Do you have any email in gmail so I can write to you?

I would like to remain incognito in our correspondence.

 

[NoWayOut22]

I read it and that sounds awful.I hate the pretending to be happy thing or fake a smile when with friends or family.

Its why i dont see my friends and dont see my family. Im so much better off on my own.

Im definitely going to save up for N. We all deserve to go out peacefully, its a shame all of us dont though.
This life is so cruel. I hate it.

Nothing but pain, suffering and death.