Venting I cut myself

[BaconCheeseburger]

It's been the first time in a looong time... like so long I can't even remember when I last did it. But I've wanted to do it all this time, and I've finally felt it and it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It feels good. The wetness of the blood on my skin felt amazing, and suddenly I have this release that I've been missing.

I've spent months with no form of stress relief, and have been sleeping/taking naps to avoid having to deal with my feelings because I've felt trapped. Fuck, I might even just have to cut myself during work breaks to get by. I have zero privacy with my mum who treats me like I'm the most incompetent piece of shit she's ever met.

I spoke to someone today who told me I wasn't 'ready' for suicide. (if you read this, this isn't an attack, just a vent). I WANT to die, I honestly do. Suicide is subjective to each person, and just because I don't have a set day or a plan doesn't mean that I want it any less than you do. I'm just stuck in this shithole situation where I'm trying to figure out how not to fuck others over with my death.

Facebook 'memories' making me angry too. Just everything is getting on my nerves right now. I could overdose right now if I didn't have the fucking issue of my family finding my stupid, useless body in the morning, cold and pale.

 

[Dead_Inside]

What the fuck does "not ready for suicide" even mean? And why did that person presume to know when you would be ready to die??

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

What the fuck does "not ready for suicide" even mean? And why did that person presume to know when you would be ready to die??

Because I'm still going about my life, and I don't want to fuck things up (more) for my family, they've said that I'm not serious about it. The last thing I want on here is an argument (I get enough of that from my parents), but I know that I want to die, if not now then at some point before it happens naturally. I don't want to be invalidated like that :(

 

[Dead_Inside]

I wouldn't argue with you about wanting to die. I believe you. No worries on that point. I think it's a misconception that everyone who is suicidal stops "normal" activity. That is often a symptom of depression for sure .... but I worked my job and was in classes and even went to the gym and such right up to my suicide attempt. It doesn't mean anything one way or the other. The fact that you say you want to die. The fact that I tried to kill myself.
Those words and actions are what matters.
That is really shitty for someone to have said to you.

 

[Psychosa]

I cut for the first time in 4 years the other day and it felt so fucking good.

 

[Blowba]

I started to cut myself and in October could of been a year w/o but I also felt trapped so cutting relieved me

 

[killmepls]

IMO you should only cut yourself if you are somewhere that is cold all the time or just before winter and not deeply, so you can cover up. The social embarrassment is not worth it, least of all me with my social anxiety.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

IMO you should only cut yourself if you are somewhere that is cold all the time or just before winter and not deeply, so you can cover up. The social embarrassment is not worth it, least of all me with my social anxiety.

I cut my thigh/upper leg. Avoids that problem

 

[killmepls]

I cut my thigh/upper leg. Avoids that problem

I tried that it did not have the same effect. I don't do it anymore anyway don't think it's worth it

 

[Brokenanddeadinside]

I cut my thigh/upper leg. Avoids that problem

That's the same place I cut. One time though accidentally cut too deep and had to wrap shit load of tape to stop the bleeding which still didn't stop it for awhile probably could of used stitches but then I would of ended up in a horrible psychward.

 

[CRM]

Is cutting just something only certain people can do? I want to self-harm but I'm too much of a pussy to cut. I've just done things like ice cubes and holding my hand above a fire for awhile.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Is cutting just something only certain people can do? I want to self-harm but I'm too much of a pussy to cut. I've just done things like ice cubes and holding my hand above a fire for awhile.

Anyone can do it, but I think everyone will agree that it's a hard habit to break. If possible try to find other ways to cope with your feelings. If you do self harm it's not the end of the world though x

 

[Nzbeelover]

When I hit puberty mixed with the hormones I started to feel deeply depressed due to what was happening in my home life. I always have had anxiety since a toddler but had been unable to identify that as anxiety till a few years bk.
I started to cut myself as a way of coping. I can remember being deeply unhappy, hurt and angry. I couldn't cope with my day to day feelings.
Living in a constant state of fear due to my parents parenting techniques plus siblings that hated me it really took a toll and puberty hormones mixed with anxiety I had no way to cope and that is why I became depressed.
I was anxious all the time. I do believe I was born scared as I had been sucking my thumb since in the womb. I was born with a huge blister on my thumb and I have been anxious my entire life. As long as I can remember. My mother has told me she hit me when I was a young baby.. I was crying and crying.
Turns out I had strepthroat
She was especially abuse to my older sister and naughty older brother.
All the trauma suffered at the hands of my mentally ill mother I do believe made me develop mental illness.. I do not blame her through. I just accept that it is the way it is
I cannot turn back the clock on my life.. nor can u.
It is what it is. I cut myself alot when I was young. I have been wearing long sleeves for 8 years. When I relapse I cut myself wherever.. legs or arms. I destroyed my body years ago buddy..

 

[rxykfox]

I love that feeling too.