Venting I don't feel valid to have mental problems

[Namelesa]

I don't feel like I shouldn't even be mentally ill. I would say I haven't been abused or go through any big traumatic events. Stuff like school shouldn't have effected me so much. I should of been able to handle the boredom, stress and pressure from it like most people. I wasn't bullied or wasn't able to do the work, I was able to do most of the work without much intellectual difficulties and most other students didn't interact with me negatively. Why do I still get nightmares about school then?

No family member has abandoned, left or neglected me, so why do I have such a fear of abandonment? Is it just that sibling didn't want to play the games I liked or I didn't have friends and if I did they would leave me? Cus if that so, I am so pathetic. I should be able to function without friends or romantic relationships. Younger me was more able to deal with that than current me. Why can't I tolerate even a little bit of mental pain now?

Why can I be so scared of my dad? He can just be angry, disappointed, uncaring and unfriendly sometimes, isn't that what most dads are like? He hasn't physically hurt me unless in self defense or trying to prevent me from ctbing. I have everything younger me wanted now. Escaped education, got hrt and a body I am comfortable in, able to be have all the time in the world. So why am I so empty, why am I so exhausted, why am I so scared? I should just die cus I don't deserve help when I never went through anything really bad and have what I want.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Whether you went through anything bad or not doesn't matter. Even a little bit mental pain can be exhausting if it takes too long. You deserve help if you seek help. You deserve a happy life.

 

[depthss]

i can see what you mean, ive had a pretty great life, so i dont know where a few of my attitudes come from. it makes me feel kind of curious, but other than that, i dont personally feel too bad about it. im just wanting to get everything over with

 

[Regen]

I've had thoughts like this very often in my life, because I don't have any obviously traumatic events either.

However, there is always a reason to feel so bad that you register on Sasu, for example.

People have different levels of resilience; what traumatizes one person doesn't matter much to another. This is a genetic predisposition and no one can do anything about it. Highly sensitive people, people with ADHD or high intelligence often have more problems. The constant overstimulation makes you sick.

It took me years/decades to realize that there were things about my childhood and my parents that weren't good for me. My parents are good parents, what was bad for me is very hidden, but just as destructive over time. It's not about guilt, it's just about acknowledging what it was like for me personally as a small child.

I also struggled for a long time - and sometimes still do - with the fact that, at first glance, I come from a very good family and yet I am still so sick. But at second glance, I now see what was essentially missing and why I now have such fear of loss, fear of failure, self-esteem problems, lack of joy in life. Since I've been able to see the reasons for this, it's become so much easier. The schema therapy (and the meetings) were worth their weight in gold for me.

Really, I understand that well because everything you describe was similar for me. Keep looking for the reasons - beyond guilt - there are always some... And there are always other people who experience the same thing as you. They're just less noticeable.

 

[niki wonoto]

I've had thoughts like this very often in my life, because I don't have any obviously traumatic events either.

However, there is always a reason to feel so bad that you register on Sasu, for example.

People have different levels of resilience; what traumatizes one person doesn't matter much to another. This is a genetic predisposition and no one can do anything about it. Highly sensitive people, people with ADHD or high intelligence often have more problems. The constant overstimulation makes you sick.

It took me years/decades to realize that there were things about my childhood and my parents that weren't good for me. My parents are good parents, what was bad for me is very hidden, but just as destructive over time. It's not about guilt, it's just about acknowledging what it was like for me personally as a small child.

I also struggled for a long time - and sometimes still do - with the fact that, at first glance, I come from a very good family and yet I am still so sick. But at second glance, I now see what was essentially missing and why I now have such fear of loss, fear of failure, self-esteem problems, lack of joy in life. Since I've been able to see the reasons for this, it's become so much easier. The schema therapy (and the meetings) were worth their weight in gold for me.

Really, I understand that well because everything you describe was similar for me. Keep looking for the reasons - beyond guilt - there are always some... And there are always other people who experience the same thing as you. They're just less noticeable.

I'm from Indonesia (42/M), and I agree with this. I've rarely visited this website/forum anymore now, but I often used to say (repeatedly) this statement: "ANYTHING can happen, including any type of BAD things unthinkable." That's just life. It is what it is. Shits happened, even the most 'random' shit could probably just happened somewhere else, without we ever knowing. It's the same with all these 'mental health problems', including being depressed & suicidal. Even just a simple chat with AI nowadays, it always says one thing important about suicide: "Suicide is a COMPLEX & multifaceted problems"! So it's just naive (& ignorant) for people to often (or even always!) quickly judge & say things like: "Oh, you shouldn't be depressed! Other people have it so much worse than you! Stop complaining!" etc2. No, Life is not that simple (well, at least for *some* people).

I even made a post back then long time ago about "privileged depression", & whether such thing really exists or not? Because basically I do realize that even though I don't live in the first world countries, but my life is already quite privileged, comfortable, & even spoiled, pampered too much by my parents, unfortunately perhaps without they've realized it (& ironically, it might be one of the big factors that made me become a 'loser' NEET like this now). And even more ironic (& absurd) is the fact that I'm a musician that in this year (2024) alone, at least I've performed as a pianist in quite a well-known local community orchestra, in some quite 'mid-level prestigious' concerts & events. And a lot of people have told me that I'm quite good-looking (as a guy). But yet, here I am, still single now for three years already, perhaps mostly due to me being a 'neurodivergent' social-awkward 'autistic' spectrum type of person. I don't know. But here I am, in reality, making a long post-comment here again after a long time. I've just actually commented recently on another post: "Don't judge the book by its cover", because it's true. You'll never know the *true real & deeper* person behind his/her everyday's facade. Because society is mostly just so fake & superficial nowadays.

So, am I even allowed to speak about 'mental health problems'? Or have I been wrong all these times? (I've been diagnosed with Major Depression back in 2020). Well, I don't know, honestly. Heck, nobody knows exactly for sure neither! But, that's just life, isn't it? We're all just a bunch of fallible advanced apes basically, still not knowing a lot of things & everything. But, at least I feel what I feel. And some even said that: "What we feel is valid".

Suicide is complex, again I can't stress this importance enough. And all the so-called 'mental health problems' are also complex. Heck, even human beings are complex (& complicated) too. Life IS complex, in some ways at least. Anyone or anybody, or people who've always said that: "Life is simple!" is just being one-dimensional, simple-minded, naive, & ignorant (without saying even harsher words). No, it's not. I, for one personally, at least do think (& feel) that life CAN be complicated/complex too! And we'll never know for sure about everything. That's just the reality.

 

[Trismegistus_13]

Your mental problems are valid. Full stop. I don't even need to read your post (though I did) to tell me they're valid. People can absolutely develop mental illnesses without ever undergoing trauma. All trauma does is increase the likelihood of serious mental illnesses occurring, but they can be idiopathic. I really feel for you because my life was similar to yours, and for years I told myself I shouldn't be feeling so bad and it's just me being weak. Not true.

The bottom line is that you deserve help, and I strongly, strongly encourage you to reach out to someone who can help you.