i dont have anywhere to even ctb anymore

[pukiechan]

im living across the country with my bf and his mom in their small apartment in a city i dont know my way around. i havent lived here long, so id feel particularly guilty about leaving these people with my body. my best bet is to walk to the mountains outside the city (i do not own a car, i rely on my boyfriend to get me places), but im really scared of the possibility of trying to do it out there and failing, so id have to be completely sure of my ability to die, and my method choices are particularly limited considering i cant buy anything on my own (no job no money completely dependent on them), and i have nowhere to hide dubious items.
somehow this all makes me feel overwhelmed and miserable. i cant live or die without being a burden. i dont know what to do with myself. i wish i could just die naturally or in a car accident or something less intrusive.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm sorry for your suffering. I kinda relate as I also don't have anywhere to ctb nor do I even have a ctb method that's bound to work. If I could get out of here, I would. Unfortunately, I'm a slave to existence as there isn't a way for me to get out of here

 

[FuneralCry]

Trying to die going wrong is also what I'd personally fear, I understand just wanting to be gone, I'm always wishing there's the option to just painlessly die in peace with no more suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.