I don't have friends so a small reach out

[so tired or manic]

To start off my story I've been abused by an ex. I've been dealing with the ptsd on my own for over a year. moved in with parents because the mental health system us better than where I was living. I've been doing better! until I took a fall at the grocery store turning the corner too sharp. The cuts and bruises that came from the fall have put my ptsd back to square one. flashbacks, panic, everyone is the enemy again.

I'm sure time will get me back on track, but the track I have been on has been nothing but toxic. family who firmly believe in the passive aggressive approach and just don't talk to me, I might as well be furniture.

the ptsd had resulted in having no friends and any attempt at making new friends my brain goes into flight or fight mode so it's just plain easier to accept keeping my own company. at least I have my animals, two cats and two chinchillas. I believe they would take a bullet for me if it came to it, which is more than I can say for any human I've encountered.

I have the desire to get better, I have hope. I just have no way of getting anywhere new without abandoning the only ones who have been there for me.

my mental health has never gotten better so I've considered a long term treatment sort of place, but that's impossible to go to one with my animals by my side. I can't trust anyone to look after them. one cat is blind in one eye and the other has chronic kidney disease and asthma. the chinchillas are good as long as they're kept separate or they'll look kill each other, which means they need me around to keep them company since they're herd animals.

I feel so lost. I feel so hopeless. I can't even try a chance at lottery without losing disability and any long-term income.

if you made it this far, thank you for reading. I'm not looking for advice, I just want to be heard.

 

[Doormat]

To start off my story I've been abused by an ex. I've been dealing with the ptsd on my own for over a year. moved in with parents because the mental health system us better than where I was living. I've been doing better! until I took a fall at the grocery store turning the corner too sharp. The cuts and bruises that came from the fall have put my ptsd back to square one. flashbacks, panic, everyone is the enemy again.

I'm sure time will get me back on track, but the track I have been on has been nothing but toxic. family who firmly believe in the passive aggressive approach and just don't talk to me, I might as well be furniture.

the ptsd had resulted in having no friends and any attempt at making new friends my brain goes into flight or fight mode so it's just plain easier to accept keeping my own company. at least I have my animals, two cats and two chinchillas. I believe they would take a bullet for me if it came to it, which is more than I can say for any human I've encountered.

I have the desire to get better, I have hope. I just have no way of getting anywhere new without abandoning the only ones who have been there for me.

my mental health has never gotten better so I've considered a long term treatment sort of place, but that's impossible to go to one with my animals by my side. I can't trust anyone to look after them. one cat is blind in one eye and the other has chronic kidney disease and asthma. the chinchillas are good as long as they're kept separate or they'll look kill each other, which means they need me around to keep them company since they're herd animals.

I feel so lost. I feel so hopeless. I can't even try a chance at lottery without losing disability and any long-term income.

if you made it this far, thank you for reading. I'm not looking for advice, I just want to be heard.

We hear you

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. This site/forum is a safe space for you to vent or talk

 

[Dark Angel]

thank you for sharing this. Hope you feel better now. Remember that you're not alone

 

[CuddleHug]

If you need someone to take a (lethal) bullet for you, you've come to the right place Seriously, though, if you need to talk out your feelings, please keep doing so. I haven't posted in a while, but you can always PM me no matter what.

Oh, and you probably need a hug and I've got plenty of those!

 

[so tired or manic]

I don't want to create a new thread, so I'll just bump off this one. A manic episode has seems to have made an appearance, and while they're always short lived, I'm using this energy to clean everything possible and plan out how to manage my money. Things I simply can't do while depressed.

Maybe I'll even go back to the search for someone who has the ability to help me find a place that I can flourish in, which was previously a therapist, but I know there's other options out there since therapy is no longer an option. If anyone knows of programs in the US I'd be glad to hear it.

The only way I've ever been able to find help is for something tragic to happen previously. Unless I'm in a hospital I've always been brushed aside. I desperately don't want to get to that point again.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I can't even try a chance at lottery without losing disability and any long-term income.

This confused me.

If you get disability, you can't have any income, or you can have a small income but lose that same amount of disability. If you win or inherit money, it will not have any impact if you already get disability, only if you're applying.

 

[so tired or manic]

I can only make so much. lotto would put me over.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I can only make so much. lotto would put me over.

Winning is not earning. It would not stop your benefits or cut into them as if you'd earned money. Don't trust me, look it up. I researched it when I went to a casino, I wanted to make sure if I won that it wouldn't impact my benefits.

 

[so tired or manic]

thank you. really I hadn't looked into it much. better safe than sorry I guess

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Hear you, thank you for sharing