• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

    Bitcoin Address (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt

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lastch

Member
Oct 2, 2024
25
My situation is rough. I was hospitalised a few months ago from which I lost everything. Four months on, I have no job, have dropped out of college, have no friends and can barely face family. I rarely leave the house and spend most of my days lying in bed crying and replaying everything that has happened in my head. I am in so much pain and I don't see how my situation can ever improve.

I want to CTB and not have to feel this pain anymore yet I can't bring myself to do it. I have researched methods and found solace in scrolling through this forum. I am, however, in fear of not having the courage to CTB. I fear living on into next month never mind the next few years. Everyday I wake up, I have panic attacks when I snap back to the reality of my life after the distraction of sleep. Everyday I wake up is a continuation of a never ending nightmare.

One of the things I'm most in fear of is failing and ending up being hospitalised again. I can't imagine putting myself through that trauma again. I also fear failing and ending up in a worse state than I am now and never being able to CTB.

Another reason I think I am so hesitant to CTB is the meds I'm on. I'm on a strong dose of lithium and olanzapine (anti-psychotic). They sometimes have a numbing or sedative effect. Sometimes I'd be distracted for awhile and partially forget my situation and feel normal. Then the pain of what my life has succumbed to rushes back and I feel the pain all over again.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that the old me and the life I had is gone. Hopefully I will find the courage to CTB as everyday my pain worsens and I become more and more reclusive.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
39,142
It sounds like you've suffered a lot, it really is so cruel to me how there's all this suffering, I understand just wanting to be free from all the pain. But anyway I wish you the best.
 
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Roadrunner

Roadrunner

Student
Mar 18, 2024
197
Many of us don't have the courage, your not alone when it comes to that. Most days I hope I can find it in me to CTB, but obviously I haven't yet.
 
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pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
2,791
My situation is similar. It's evil beyond words these monsters put all of us in this horrible trap where we can't hire someone to assist us in suicide or to do it for us .

So we have to defeat si and try a risky diy suicide method to escape extreme torture . We have to risk brain damage to escape extreme torture. This is the horrible situation many are in . They did it to us in purpose to keep us slaves.

They made hiring someone else to assist u in suicide a crime. This is the horrible prison trap called life everyone praises all the time. To all those praising life Good luck with that at age 90

They made nembutal, suicide booths etc crimes . They even put fences an nets in bridges to keep people suffering extremely in this evil prison world knowing we are all going to die anyway.
 
Last edited:
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L

lastch

Member
Oct 2, 2024
25
I
Many of us don't have the courage, you're not alone when it comes to that. Most days I hope I can find it in me to CTB, but obviously I haven't yet.
It's a terrifying thought that we'll be stuck in this existence
 
BlackEyedDog

BlackEyedDog

Mage
May 6, 2024
549
My situation is rough. I was hospitalised a few months ago from which I lost everything. Four months on, I have no job, have dropped out of college, have no friends and can barely face family. I rarely leave the house and spend most of my days lying in bed crying and replaying everything that has happened in my head. I am in so much pain and I don't see how my situation can ever improve.

I want to CTB and not have to feel this pain anymore yet I can't bring myself to do it. I have researched methods and found solace in scrolling through this forum. I am, however, in fear of not having the courage to CTB. I fear living on into next month never mind the next few years. Everyday I wake up, I have panic attacks when I snap back to the reality of my life after the distraction of sleep. Everyday I wake up is a continuation of a never ending nightmare.

One of the things I'm most in fear of is failing and ending up being hospitalised again. I can't imagine putting myself through that trauma again. I also fear failing and ending up in a worse state than I am now and never being able to CTB.

Another reason I think I am so hesitant to CTB is the meds I'm on. I'm on a strong dose of lithium and olanzapine (anti-psychotic). They sometimes have a numbing or sedative effect. Sometimes I'd be distracted for awhile and partially forget my situation and feel normal. Then the pain of what my life has succumbed to rushes back and I feel the pain all over again.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that the old me and the life I had is gone. Hopefully I will find the courage to CTB as everyday my pain worsens and I become more and more reclusive.
You're not alone, it is a difficult decision to ctb. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I know hard it can be to feel like everything is lost. You know you needed to take a break, but another part of you beats yourself up for doing so. When now u really need to be kind to yourself, regroup and just focus on getting better. Accept that you needed to do this for yourself. You can return to college and when you do you'll be in so much better shape. Good friends stick around and there are more friends to make. Maybe you can even look for a PT/FT job after some time off to get you out of the house.
 
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S

SnackNinja

Student
Mar 16, 2024
149
My situation is rough. I was hospitalised a few months ago from which I lost everything. Four months on, I have no job, have dropped out of college, have no friends and can barely face family. I rarely leave the house and spend most of my days lying in bed crying and replaying everything that has happened in my head. I am in so much pain and I don't see how my situation can ever improve.

I want to CTB and not have to feel this pain anymore yet I can't bring myself to do it. I have researched methods and found solace in scrolling through this forum. I am, however, in fear of not having the courage to CTB. I fear living on into next month never mind the next few years. Everyday I wake up, I have panic attacks when I snap back to the reality of my life after the distraction of sleep. Everyday I wake up is a continuation of a never ending nightmare.

One of the things I'm most in fear of is failing and ending up being hospitalised again. I can't imagine putting myself through that trauma again. I also fear failing and ending up in a worse state than I am now and never being able to CTB.

Another reason I think I am so hesitant to CTB is the meds I'm on. I'm on a strong dose of lithium and olanzapine (anti-psychotic). They sometimes have a numbing or sedative effect. Sometimes I'd be distracted for awhile and partially forget my situation and feel normal. Then the pain of what my life has succumbed to rushes back and I feel the pain all over again.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that the old me and the life I had is gone. Hopefully I will find the courage to CTB as everyday my pain worsens and I become more and more reclusive.
Do you have backup method in case of failure?
 
L'absent

L'absent

À ma manière 🪦
Aug 18, 2024
801
This is proof that there is no such thing as free will.
 
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S

SnackNinja

Student
Mar 16, 2024
149
My plan is partial hanging. I have an opportunity to do it on Sunday but I fear I won't be able to. My backup after that is SN.
I wish you the best whatever you decide.
 
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B

be or not to be

Member
Oct 21, 2024
50
I wish you the best
 
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P

pariah80

Specialist
Aug 12, 2024
354
It does take courage to ctb. I'm sorry for the pain and stress you're dealing with. I wish you nothing but the best on your journey, no matter what you decide to do. 🫂
 
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TransfemCutter

TransfemCutter

She/her
Aug 2, 2024
41
I wish you the best and that if you decide that CTB is right for you, that you find the courage you need and have a safe, and peaceful passing.
 
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Reactions: lastch
G

guitarsteve

Member
Aug 17, 2024
35
My situation is rough. I was hospitalised a few months ago from which I lost everything. Four months on, I have no job, have dropped out of college, have no friends and can barely face family. I rarely leave the house and spend most of my days lying in bed crying and replaying everything that has happened in my head. I am in so much pain and I don't see how my situation can ever improve.

I want to CTB and not have to feel this pain anymore yet I can't bring myself to do it. I have researched methods and found solace in scrolling through this forum. I am, however, in fear of not having the courage to CTB. I fear living on into next month never mind the next few years. Everyday I wake up, I have panic attacks when I snap back to the reality of my life after the distraction of sleep. Everyday I wake up is a continuation of a never ending nightmare.

One of the things I'm most in fear of is failing and ending up being hospitalised again. I can't imagine putting myself through that trauma again. I also fear failing and ending up in a worse state than I am now and never being able to CTB.

Another reason I think I am so hesitant to CTB is the meds I'm on. I'm on a strong dose of lithium and olanzapine (anti-psychotic). They sometimes have a numbing or sedative effect. Sometimes I'd be distracted for awhile and partially forget my situation and feel normal. Then the pain of what my life has succumbed to rushes back and I feel the pain all over again.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that the old me and the life I had is gone. Hopefully I will find the courage to CTB as everyday my pain worsens and I become more and more reclusive.
At least you have family. I hope you can lean on that. please try.
 
H

howunfortunateforme

Experienced
Oct 2, 2024
284
My situation is rough. I was hospitalised a few months ago from which I lost everything. Four months on, I have no job, have dropped out of college, have no friends and can barely face family. I rarely leave the house and spend most of my days lying in bed crying and replaying everything that has happened in my head. I am in so much pain and I don't see how my situation can ever improve.

I want to CTB and not have to feel this pain anymore yet I can't bring myself to do it. I have researched methods and found solace in scrolling through this forum. I am, however, in fear of not having the courage to CTB. I fear living on into next month never mind the next few years. Everyday I wake up, I have panic attacks when I snap back to the reality of my life after the distraction of sleep. Everyday I wake up is a continuation of a never ending nightmare.

One of the things I'm most in fear of is failing and ending up being hospitalised again. I can't imagine putting myself through that trauma again. I also fear failing and ending up in a worse state than I am now and never being able to CTB.

Another reason I think I am so hesitant to CTB is the meds I'm on. I'm on a strong dose of lithium and olanzapine (anti-psychotic). They sometimes have a numbing or sedative effect. Sometimes I'd be distracted for awhile and partially forget my situation and feel normal. Then the pain of what my life has succumbed to rushes back and I feel the pain all over again.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that the old me and the life I had is gone. Hopefully I will find the courage to CTB as everyday my pain worsens and I become more and more reclusive.
These meds kill is quite literally
 
L

Lostandfound82

Member
Jan 16, 2023
50
I had the perfect opportunity to ctb early this morning but couldn't I wish I could just go into autopilot mode and get it over with
 
NegevChina

NegevChina

Experienced
Sep 5, 2024
281
I MUST CTB but every time find a reason to delay for few more days. Cant find the courage. Afraid to fail and be stuck in much worse condition. My condition is getting worse by the day. Each time new medical issue or physical pain rises. My body is destroyed and so is my brain. Got to CTB soon. Therapists and medical doctors are a waste of time and money.
 

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