TheHolySword
empty heart
- Nov 22, 2024
- 454
Ever since I started working at my current job I set a timer to ctb for 2 years. I had to wait 2 years for my life insurance to pay out on suicide. It's almost time (May of next year) but I don't want to wait anymore. My SN should be shipped within the next couple of days and hopefully will arrive shortly after. My problem is that I'm ready to die now. And once my SN arrives it will be so much harder for me to continue living these last 5 or so months. It's such a short amount of time but it feels like an eternity. I want it all to end but I can't leave my younger brother with nothing. I don't know how I'm going to be able to keep fighting when the solution will be right next to me. I am so close to freedom but so far. I don't want to see the new year, I don't want to be in pain anymore, I don't want this life. How am I supposed to keep going when it will be so easy to leave?