Venting I don't know what I ever did

[maplebar]

Since the last two years my life has been horrible, it's always the bad end for me
I don't know how much longer I can go I don't know why it's always me I wish I didn't sound so self centered right now but it's true
Whatever I did wrong I want to know what the hell it is so I can fix it, so I can make up for it
Its like everyones out to get me or hates me some sort of way, and for what reason?? I dont know
I try to be a decent person, I know whats right or wrong I do everything right I'm gentle I'm polite what more can I do

 

[elkheart]

Feeling this so much right now too. It's hard for me to believe that the problem is everyone ELSE and not me as the common denominator. I suffered an insane amount of loss this last year, absolutely devastating, and I wish I knew what is so "wrong" with me that even though I KNOW I'm gentle and thoughtful and fun, I am constantly rejected by others, it makes me feel like I'm just some amusement park for people to come and then go when they realize I have too much depth, or sound insane, or whatever happens. Biggest reason why I am so driven to CBT. I have severe OCD and it's fucking exhausting, I just wish these thoughts would leave me alone, I'm so tired of trying to self-regulate with the mirage of true connection and if I'm doing this all wrong/right. It makes it hard for me to even think clearly when I am so desperate for relief instead of "solving" this puzzle of "do I just push people away? do I make too many inappropriate jokes?" etc etc. Sending you love, thanks for sharing, it made me feel less alone.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It's this goofy, effed-up world. Often, good, decent people get crapped on and arseholes and creeps get rewards. There's no rhyme nor reason to any of it. The entire world can just be unfair in this way, and soooo many other ways. Just makes no sense whatsoever.

 

[divinemistress36]

"You suffer not because you have failed but because you exist"