I don’t know what to do

[brain problems]

I honestly don't know what's keeping me here. I'm a useless NEET with no skills, no friends, and no real future. It seems like life is inching me closer and closer to the edge. I have undiagnosed and untreated mental issues and blah blah the usual garbage. Sought help before but that didn't really go anywhere. Been on a cocktail of pills but none of them worked, and some even made me feel worse. Been hospitalized many times, talked to many therapists/councillors about my problems. Used alcohol to self-medicate, which obviously didn't help. Nothing helps. Nothing gets better.

I barely leave my home anymore. I wish I could just disappear. I wish I never existed in the first place. I've been told over and over how selfish it is to kill yourself, but isn't it even more selfish to want somebody to keep living even if they're suffering? Maybe having a good friend would help, but whenever I did have friends, my negativity rubbed off on them and made us all miserable. I don't want to do that to anybody again.

I wouldn't mind dying right now, and while I'm not scared of death itself, I'm afraid of the pain. I've been hurting for so long that the thought of spending my last moments in agony just make me not want to go through with it. I don't want to live, but I don't really want to die horribly either. I don't know what to do.

 

[Mr2005]

Good post. Mirrors my thoughts and I imagine many others that saves us the effort of writing it ourselves. Suffering more to try to escape the suffering is obviously a problem, I probably would have done something on impulse by now otherwise. The other thing is the hope against all hope that someone somewhere has the miracle solution

 

[brain problems]

Yeah, it would be nice if there existed a perfect saviour who can somehow erase all of the pain and make life worth living. I fantasize a lot about meeting somebody who takes my hand and drags me out of the darkness. Somebody to run away with somewhere far away where I can start over and maybe even heal. That's never going to happen, but still a comforting thought to turn to when things get worse than usual.

Video games and music also help.

 

[deltahead]

hi fellow neet. there's a few of us on this site i think, one of which actually managed to die a few months back if i'm not mistaken. i'd be up for chatting if you ever felt like it. it's not like i really "do" anything anyway so i'm always available more or less

 

[brain problems]

Same here lol. If anybody ever wants to talk about stupid stuff, I'm usually always online! Be warned tho, I'm cringe.

_(:3 」∠)_

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Im not a neet but I totally get your vibes man. Im tired of people asking me if im okay instead of a brave strong hero character that busts me out of the darkness and works with me to get beyond okay but more of great. Well enough darkness for today though man, how about instead we talk about underground movies and firearms eh?!

 

[brain problems]

lol I don't really know much about guns since they're illegal or something in my country. Any movie recommendations? I could use a distraction.

Also dumb question, but how do you send PMs on this site??

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

lol I don't really know much about guns since they're illegal or something in my country. Any movie recommendations? I could use a distraction.

Also dumb question, but how do you send PMs on this site??

"The Grey" is a really good Liam Nesson movie, perhaps his best. I really dont know much about pm since I mostly lurk on this site. Also "Deerhunter" is a classic and "mouths of madness" is certainly a nice horror gem of the 90s. If you want weird visual experiences thatll leave you scarred then check out "Tetsuo:The iron man", its one hell of a retro japanese punk trip!

 

[RedAlert]

What is a NEET?

 

[brain problems]

What is a NEET?

oh uh
it's basically a person who is unemployed and not in school, so not exactly something to be proud of lmao

 

[deflagrat]

Lots of people with schizophrenia are neets ( at least where I live, about 65 %). I am also a hikikomori, but I guess that's normal for someone with a psychotic disorder. In the eyes of society I am partially disabled, in truth I don't think life is worth all the trouble (working shitty jobs like a wageslave).

 

[RedAlert]

Lots of people with schizophrenia are neets ( at least where I live, about 65 %). I am also a hikikomori, but I guess that's normal for someone with a psychotic disorder. In the eyes of society I am partially disabled, in truth I don't think life is worth all the trouble (working shitty jobs like a wageslave).

I've seen documentaries on the hikikomori. They are basically hermits, young boys in an older mans body.

 

[brain problems]

aw man, sorry to hear that...
I agree tho. It's difficult enough leaving the house to do normal human things like picking up groceries. Holding down a job would just be impossible, especially if you don't have any previous experience or social skills or a decent education (like me lol). The amount of time/energy used to receive a crappy paycheck doesn't seem worth it either imo

 

[Lethe]

I'm not a NEET but I'm almost there. Once I complete my bachelor's degree this December I won't really have anything to do. I doubt I'll actually find a job, and if I do I'll probably get sick of it within a few months and bail, lol.

 

[alexithymia]

I'm a NEET right now too. Withdrew from all my courses in university due to mental health issues. Don't have a job (actually have never had one). I'm a hermit. Been struggling with agoraphobia to various degrees since I was about fifteen.

aw man, sorry to hear that...
I agree tho. It's difficult enough leaving the house to do normal human things like picking up groceries. Holding down a job would just be impossible, especially if you don't have any previous experience or social skills or a decent education (like me lol). The amount of time/energy used to receive a crappy paycheck doesn't seem worth it either imo

I completely relate to this.

 

[brain problems]

Yeah, somewhat similar situation here. Dropped out of high school, never had a job. Started going outside on my own a few months ago, but would usually break down once I returned home. Sometimes I couldn't hold it in long enough and lost my shit in public. It's pathetic, it's embarrassing. Now I don't bother. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sure wish there was a way to magically chill out and be able to handle reality. I mean, without taking meds or drugs or anything lol

 

[End Piece]

A bit late to the party, but fellow NEET here checking in.

 

[brain problems]

A bit late to the party, but fellow NEET here checking in.

Yoooooo. B)
We have enough people to start a club lol