I don't know where to CTB with SN

[ceramic_apple]

Background: I (18F) live in a city apartment with my boyfriend, he's in school most days and I work. I can't do anything at my parents' homes. My car is at my dad's and I can pretty much say with certainty that I won't be able to drive myself anywhere. If my bf suspects something is wrong he'll call 911 immediately. I can't CTB outside; by the time my SN gets here and my antiemetic prescription is filled there will probably be a few feet of snow.

I'm wondering if I should tell my bf that my dad is picking me up to stay with him for the night. If he's at school while my father "gets me", I can go to a hotel and take my SN there. Still, the unfamiliarity will be so fucking sad. Will I be found before I decay in a hospital? Will I be heard if I convulse and breathe agonally? WWYD?

 

[Epilogue]

If you go to a hotel they'll find you in 24 hours or less since house keeping comes in to clean. Although if you're using a hotel people can still barge on the occasion it gets too loud.

 

[dinosavr]

Any kind of a solo trip is an option for you?

 

[TheHolySword]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. It's hard enough to be in the mindset that you are ready to die, it's even harder to not have a place to go to. Your best option would be to try to get to a hotel. It's unlikely that you'll be interrupted or found in time. But I understand the feeling of how impersonal and empty that can be. You'll be in a strange place without love and comfort, and you have to be ready to be truly alone when you do this. But if you are certain, this would be your most likely chance to ctb. Whatever you decide, I am wishing you the best. I hope that you find the peace you're looking for

 

[Thisisme373]

I'm also stressed about where I can ctb with sn. I would prefer to do it in my room but I live with roommates that are always home and they'll likely hear the agonal breathing.
Hotel is an option but like you I also worry about if I'm heard or found before I die, or if I fail and have thrown up everywhere. I agree it's also sad to have to do it in hotel.
I wish I had a gun to just end it fast, why does it have to be so difficult to die.

 

[ceramic_apple]

Any kind of a solo trip is an option for you?

I suppose I could, but it might be hard for me to get a hotel room. I worry they'll ID me. I also want to be found shortly after I die

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. It's hard enough to be in the mindset that you are ready to die, it's even harder to not have a place to go to. Your best option would be to try to get to a hotel. It's unlikely that you'll be interrupted or found in time. But I understand the feeling of how impersonal and empty that can be. You'll be in a strange place without love and comfort, and you have to be ready to be truly alone when you do this. But if you are certain, this would be your most likely chance to ctb. Whatever you decide, I am wishing you the best. I hope that you find the peace you're looking for

This comment really means a lot Thank you

I'm also stressed about where I can ctb with sn. I would prefer to do it in my room but I live with roommates that are always home and they'll likely hear the agonal breathing.
Hotel is an option but like you I also worry about if I'm heard or found before I die, or if I fail and have thrown up everywhere. I agree it's also sad to have to do it in hotel.
I wish I had a gun to just end it fast, why does it have to be so difficult to die.

I'm the same way with barbiturates, but as long as I know I'll die I'm okay. I really hope things go your way <3 Take care of yourself

 

[ItsyBitsyWeetard]

If you go to a hotel they'll find you in 24 hours or less since house keeping comes in to clean. Although if you're using a hotel people can still barge on the occasion it gets too loud.

suppose they find u 6 hours after u take sn wont it bet too late by then

 

[JRSEchelon]

Background: I (18F) live in a city apartment with my boyfriend, he's in school most days and I work. I can't do anything at my parents' homes. My car is at my dad's and I can pretty much say with certainty that I won't be able to drive myself anywhere. If my bf suspects something is wrong he'll call 911 immediately. I can't CTB outside; by the time my SN gets here and my antiemetic prescription is filled there will probably be a few feet of snow.

I'm wondering if I should tell my bf that my dad is picking me up to stay with him for the night. If he's at school while my father "gets me", I can go to a hotel and take my SN there. Still, the unfamiliarity will be so fucking sad. Will I be found before I decay in a hospital? Will I be heard if I convulse and breathe agonally? WWYD?

I just want to say first, I'm sorry you're feeling this way and wanting out of this life. You're very young and have so much in front of you. I don't want to talk you out of this because I'm the end it's your choice and I am here to just be supportive no matter what. But with that said, truly reflect on your heart and what could be in front of you.

So, to answer your question, sounds like the options are a bit challenging. My first thought is, do you stay with your boyfriend? If so would you be able to do it while he's at school so you're able to do it somewhere you feel comfortable?

Secondly, if that isn't an option, you mentioned how it is cold and snowy outside, so there is the option of doing it at home then going for a walk and finding somewhere quiet, in nature you can sit, your body temperature will lower from the snow/cold along with the SN taking effect. This can possibly put you in a sleep like state due to the combination of the cold and the SN. If you can find somewhere that isn't bother with people and you can withstand the cold temperature.

Third, many are saying a hotel. I think if you are 100% about CTB then maybe spending money on an AirBnB or something a little more comfortable then a hotel is worthwhile. If the thought of being in a place with that isn't as comfortable for you such as a hotel or motel then perhaps the option above is worth the money you'd have to fork out.

Lastly, doing it at home or somewhere else that you do feel more comfortable is important but making sure you won't be bothered if obviously important. Doing it before bed and then putting some of your favorite music on to listen to may be another option so it would help drown any sounds out. I'm sorry you're suffering in life and now dealing with a lot of stress trying to decide where to take the SN.

No matter how you decide to do it, I hope you find peace and comfort and the process doesn't bring you more stress. Sending love your way.

 

[Epilogue]

suppose they find u 6 hours after u take sn wont it bet too late by then

At the correct doses, yeah. But the problem is keeping it down, from what I've seen on the forum without an anti emetic you're going to vomit. So best to make a second dose.

 

[areyousafe??]

What are your reasons for wanting to do it?

I started getting depressed when I was 15/16 years old. When I got on antidepressants, I started feeling a lot better, happier. I don't want to talk you out of it, but you are 18 years old and I'm hopeful that things will improve for you if you try getting treatment first.

 

[ceramic_apple]

I just want to say first, I'm sorry you're feeling this way and wanting out of this life. You're very young and have so much in front of you. I don't want to talk you out of this because I'm the end it's your choice and I am here to just be supportive no matter what. But with that said, truly reflect on your heart and what could be in front of you.

So, to answer your question, sounds like the options are a bit challenging. My first thought is, do you stay with your boyfriend? If so would you be able to do it while he's at school so you're able to do it somewhere you feel comfortable?

Secondly, if that isn't an option, you mentioned how it is cold and snowy outside, so there is the option of doing it at home then going for a walk and finding somewhere quiet, in nature you can sit, your body temperature will lower from the snow/cold along with the SN taking effect. This can possibly put you in a sleep like state due to the combination of the cold and the SN. If you can find somewhere that isn't bother with people and you can withstand the cold temperature.

Third, many are saying a hotel. I think if you are 100% about CTB then maybe spending money on an AirBnB or something a little more comfortable then a hotel is worthwhile. If the thought of being in a place with that isn't as comfortable for you such as a hotel or motel then perhaps the option above is worth the money you'd have to fork out.

Lastly, doing it at home or somewhere else that you do feel more comfortable is important but making sure you won't be bothered if obviously important. Doing it before bed and then putting some of your favorite music on to listen to may be another option so it would help drown any sounds out. I'm sorry you're suffering in life and now dealing with a lot of stress trying to decide where to take the SN.

No matter how you decide to do it, I hope you find peace and comfort and the process doesn't bring you more stress. Sending love your way.

Thank you for such a thorough reply! I had not considered an AirBnB, I would probably prefer to do that

What are your reasons for wanting to do it?

I started getting depressed when I was 15/16 years old. When I got on antidepressants, I started feeling a lot better, happier. I don't want to talk you out of it, but you are 18 years old and I'm hopeful that things will improve for you if you try getting treatment first.

I am 18 and have been on antidepressants since age 12. I've been diagnosed with so many different conditions, my doctors essentially changed their minds every year. I've been on over twenty different medications and I have been treated inpatient for depression, cutting, and eating disorders. I've had electroconvulsive therapy and I average two hospitalizations per year. All that I want is to have a nice house on a lot of land with a husband I love and two children. I know that my moods are not compatible with this lifestyle and I do not care enough about becoming happy to find something to make it happen. None of the treatments I have tried had any lasting effect.

 

[newstart2000]

Hope you find your peace.

 

[AuroraB]

when my day comes, i wouldn't mind a 2 hour private room (w/locked doors) hot tub rental place...or a hotel with a jacuzzi tub in the room. relaxing and the tubs make noise.