i don't know where to go from here

[sesamecat]

hello all,

i've been a lurker since this community was just a subreddit.

i've lived a life fueled by a cycle of addiction and misery and even when i had everything i could have wanted in life, i took it for granted and ruined it for myself.

i don't really know what else to do so i am just ranting on this forum now. i don't want to let my loved ones see me suffer and i don't want to keep letting them down. even through the spirals of depression and mental health i always come to the conclusion, maybe i am not fit for this world.

 

[mercutiomartis]

same, I was in a really good place about a year ago and it all just crashed and burned. Now I'm really stuck and have no desire to keep going, I let myself go physically and mentally, it's just been really hard.

 

[sesamecat]

same, I was in a really good place about a year ago and it all just crashed and burned. Now I'm really stuck and have no desire to keep going, I let myself go physically and mentally, it's just been really hard.

i appreciate you taking the time to reply. how to move forward is the question of the age

 

[alltoomuch2]

i appreciate you taking the time to reply. how to move forward is the question of the age

The only thing that helps me forward and only when I'm in a state to do it, is to help other people in some way. Probably a selfish way for me to look at it but helping someone else , even if it's a very small way, takes my mind off myself and the uselessness of my existence. Often I can't even do this though

 

[Gangrel]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, sometimes venting is good! ...so welcome to this forum

 

[sesamecat]

The only thing that helps me forward and only when I'm in a state to do it, is to help other people in some way. Probably a selfish way for me to look at it but helping someone else , even if it's a very small way, takes my mind off myself and the uselessness of my existence. Often I can't even do this though

i've withdrawn so heavily from community and the world this is something i hope to be able to do again.

 

[Mirrory Me]

There are cons and pros to drugs. I mainly just smoke cannabis, which usually gives me more energy and enthusiasm towards things, so I will be more productive and take better care of my business. The thing is that I became a zombie after smoking for a couple of weeks straight, and my body seems to depend on it. It may also have some other effect on my physical and mental health. Still, I won't be giving it up entirely, just having a little break occasionally.

The only thing that helps me forward and only when I'm in a state to do it, is to help other people in some way. Probably a selfish way for me to look at it but helping someone else , even if it's a very small way, takes my mind off myself and the uselessness of my existence. Often I can't even do this though

Was thinking about that word today, I think it is some of those made-up curse words to manipulate people to act like Jesus, or something like that. If it truly exists, then everyone is acting selfish, no matter what they do (and therefore we are all evil in heart...). Out of my vocabulary.

 

[sesamecat]

There are cons and pros to drugs. I mainly just smoke cannabis, which usually gives me more energy and enthusiasm towards things, so I will be more productive and take better care of my business. The thing is that I became a zombie after smoking for a couple of weeks straight, and my body seems to depend on it. It may also have some other effect on my physical and mental health. Still, I won't be giving it up entirely, just having a little break occasionally.

Was thinking about that word today, I think it is some of those made-up curse words to manipulate people to act like Jesus, or something like that. If it truly exists, then everyone is acting selfish, no matter what they do (and therefore we are all evil in heart...). Out of my vocabulary.

I agree! I used to smoke a lot of cannabis (dabbing, etc). I think it's good to be able to regulate your use, I've just been burnt out.

 

[alltoomuch2]

There are cons and pros to drugs. I mainly just smoke cannabis, which usually gives me more energy and enthusiasm towards things, so I will be more productive and take better care of my business. The thing is that I became a zombie after smoking for a couple of weeks straight, and my body seems to depend on it. It may also have some other effect on my physical and mental health. Still, I won't be giving it up entirely, just having a little break occasionally.

Was thinking about that word today, I think it is some of those made-up curse words to manipulate people to act like Jesus, or something like that. If it truly exists, then everyone is acting selfish, no matter what they do (and therefore we are all evil in heart...). Out of my vocabulary.

Well if we're going to get sidetracked from the point of my post....... Yes I'm selfish and yes I'm evil. I don't do it to imitate Jesus. It's only manipulative if you use it to describe another. Not if you use it to describe oneself. But......you do you......

 

[Mirrory Me]

Well if we're going to get sidetracked from the point of my post....... Yes I'm selfish and yes I'm evil. I don't do it to imitate Jesus. It's only manipulative if you use it to describe another. Not if you use it to describe oneself. But......you do you......

There could be better words to describe our actions, such as thoughtless, greedy, careless, lazy, etc. Just like parents should teach their children that some of their actions are bad, and not themself. There are other reasons for our negative behavior than just "thinking too much about oneself".

Edit: actually, if you add letter e on selfish, it would spell "he is self", or "his feels".

 

[alltoomuch2]

There could be better words to describe our actions, such as thoughtless, greedy, careless, lazy, etc. Just like parents should teach their children that some of their actions are bad, and not themself. There are other reasons for our negative behavior than just "thinking too much about oneself".

Edit: actually, if you add letter e on selfish, it would spell "he is self", or "his feels".

None of those words fit with what I was saying. I was saying, a loooong time ago in my original answer to the post, that I was helping people to make myself feel better. That the other person feeling better because of the help is a positive result but not the main aim.

"Parents, society and some religions condition us to see selfishness as a wholly negative quality. However, the truth is that, in the right circumstances, being selfish is not only a perfectly normal and appropriate reaction but is also crucial to maintaining your own happiness and sense of self-worth."

 

[Mirrory Me]

being selfish is not only a perfectly normal and appropriate reaction but is also crucial to maintaining your own happiness and sense of self-worth."

Has it actually improved your self-worth or made you happier to think that way?