I don’t think I’m a good person

[affirmatice]

I've always thought of myself as a good person. But I'm not really sure now.

Maybe the child deep in me is good. I think he is, but it's hard to see. Because on top of that is so much distrust, ego, vanity, fear.

So I don't know the true drive behind my actions. I often act nice, but really just a fear of upsetting others and a desire to be validated.

I am driven for self improvement, but perhaps just to feel superior to others and feel good about myself.

I judge others and myself solely on external appearances and successes.

I act somewhat confident and assured. But inside I am scared and fearful of so many things.

So I don't know if I'm a good person. I can't tell anymore because the walls and the filters on me that have formed in early childhood have changed me

 

[SVEN]

I don't know about "good" or "bad", however you sound fairly normal to me. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've thought about this before. Like, I've known actively good people in life. Neighbours who were constantly doing things for others. I very occassionally do things for others but I'm mostly isolated and selfish. I suppose it has given me joy to try and make other people happy in life but mostly because I really valued them. Wouldn't a truly good person be doing that for everyone?

Plus, I don't know how much of it is politeness. If you're raised to help others, put others first, be polite. How much of it do you do because it's ingrained in you? And, if you didn't do it, you're conscience would prickle. How much of it is through genuine kindness?

I think it can be too off course. Genuine empathy at seeing another being struggle and a need to want to help them.

I know I'm not as good as I had the potential to be though. I think the best test is how you react under stress. It's easy to be nice to people when all is going well. I've been quite short and irritable with people when I've been under stress.

 

[Namelesa]

A selfish motive doesn't necessary need to be bad as long as you are not harming anyone, it can even be good to have those motives if they also benefit people. Most of what humans do is selfish as you will mostly do things that you will think benefit you in some way whether that be to make someone happy so they like you or to provide entertainment to people so you make money or any other reason.

 

[eepymumu8]

Have you seen 'Inside Out 2'? It might sound a bit funny, but I watched it as an adult and cried.

We can't always be good people... but at the very least, we can be honest with our friends and family.
We're just compromising with reality. The fact that you even wrote this shows that you want to improve.

There are people out there who don't even try. They only think of themselves and take pleasure in hurting others... Someone who tries to be kind is ten times better than those people.

 

[melonpan]

If you are already hesitant about being a good person, I think that's even less of a sign of being a bad one. Regardless, I don't think it should be so black and white, good and bad, yes or no. There are just people who do good things and bad things.
It's almost a bit funny how strange it was for me to read your post because it's exactly the sort of thoughts I had (and still have), trying to deliberate over my own moral presence; as if I am reading something I wrote.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

Have you seen 'Inside Out 2'? It might sound a bit funny, but I watched it as an adult and cried.

We can't always be good people... but at the very least, we can be honest with our friends and family.
We're just compromising with reality. The fact that you even wrote this shows that you want to improve.

There are people out there who don't even try. They only think of themselves and take pleasure in hurting others... Someone who tries to be kind is ten times better than those people.

I cried really hard at the first Inside Out! Like really, really hard. I haven't seen the second one, will have to check it out.
The fact that you're asking yourself these questions is a really good sign. Maybe spend time with people you know are good people and see what you like about them, or even read biographies of good people you admire?

 

[TheBlackSwordsman]

I used to think I was good too, but I was lying to myself. Maybe once I was pure, but I was never good. And to the degree which I'm not has been a very tough pill to swallow. Now, I feel there is nothing I could ever do that would ever make me feel any better about myself. I really should have never been born. I just need to build up the courage(or desperation) needed to ctb.