Venting I don't understand people

[AwakeTooLong]

How can someone repeateadly claim to love a damaged person, telling them they would never abandon them, only to then discard them at the drop of a hat like they never meant anything? Why show them dreams that will be crushed when they inevitably leave? Why feed them all those sweet, sweet lies and fake promises? How do they sound so genuine when they do it? Why do I still feel like it was all real, when it clearly wasn't to them?

They turn your life from hell to heaven and then watch you plummet into the deepest pits of hell as they leave. I don't get it, how can someone so seemingly kind and selfless, cause you so much pain and make you want to take your own life? I wish I could turn off my emotions because I can't handle this emotional turmoil. I thought I understood people, I thought I was a good judge of character, I thought I'd be able to trust the right person to open up to but I don't know anymore.

 

[shrizoid]

How can someone repeateadly claim to love a damaged person, telling them they would never abandon them, only to then discard them at the drop of a hat like they never meant anything? Why show them dreams that will be crushed when they inevitably leave? Why feed them all those sweet, sweet lies and fake promises? How do they sound so genuine when they do it? Why do I still feel like it was all real, when it clearly wasn't to them?

They turn your life from hell to heaven and then watch you plummet into the deepest pits of hell as they leave. I don't get it, how can someone so seemingly kind and selfless, cause you so much pain and make you want to take your own life? I wish I could turn off my emotions because I can't handle this emotional turmoil. I thought I understood people, I thought I was a good judge of character, I thought I'd be able to trust the right person to open up to but I don't know anymore.

What happened?

 

[verdedefome]

I know you're referring to a specific event, you can't understand this specific person, but I genuinely believe people aren't capable of understanding each other. We always base what other people are, or ought to be, on ourselves, but that always fails at some point, then you can study their behavior and make less than accurate predictions based on it, or have an approximation of their thought process based on their words, which could be lies. We are just so different on some fundamental level that makes other people incomprehensible, maybe it's the nature of being separate organisms. The only person we can ever hope to understand is ourselves, and I don't know about you but I don't fully understand myself either. Unfortunately I can't really come up with much from his belief of mine, just hopelessness and cynicism.

 

[AwakeTooLong]

What happened?

I trusted someone and they cut me out of their life without any explanation, zero closure, no conversation about it, simply removed me and went completely NC over what I assume was a misunderstanding.

I've tried everything I possibly can to reach them but I've been blocked off from practically everywhere. I feel like I was lied to, I feel worthtless, I had grown so attached to them that not having them in my life all of a sudden has left me with nothing but suicidal thoughts, which is not a suprise to me considering being with them had cured my depression, the only time I was genuinely happy in my life was the time I spent with that person. I never planned on living before I met them and now that they're gone, I've gone back to my previous plans of ctb, except I'm even worse off mentally, the depression has hit me 10x harder than it ever did before.

They knew this would happen if they ever left me, and yet it was so easy for them, and that shocks me to my core because they were the kindest person I had ever known. I would never force anyone to be with me, if anything, I never did expect anyone to want me around and I had accepted that but it's the fact that they had explicitly led me to believe otherwise, they told me they needed me, I put down my walls for them, I trusted them with everything and then this happens.

This was precisely what I had guarded myself against my entire life and it happens the one time I decide to trust someone because my heart called for it.

 

[shrizoid]

I trusted someone and they cut me out of their life without any explanation, zero closure, no conversation about it, simply removed me and went completely NC over what I assume was a misunderstanding.

I've tried everything I possibly can to reach them but I've been blocked off from practically everywhere. I feel like I was lied to, I feel worthtless, I had grown so attached to them that not having them in my life all of a sudden has left me with nothing but suicidal thoughts, which is not a suprise to me considering being with them had cured my depression, the only time I was genuinely happy in my life was the time I spent with that person. I never planned on living before I met them and now that they're gone, I've gone back to my previous plans of ctb, except I'm even worse off mentally, the depression has hit me 10x harder than it ever did before.

They knew this would happen if they ever left me, and yet it was so easy for them, and that shocks me to my core because they were the kindest person I had ever known. I would never force anyone to be with me, if anything, I never did expect anyone to want me around and I had accepted that but it's the fact that they had explicitly led me to believe otherwise, they told me they needed me, I put down my walls for them, I trusted them with everything and then this happens.

This was precisely what I had guarded myself against my entire life and it happens the one time I decide to trust someone because my heart called for it.

I can kind of understand, had someone I was opening up to with my feelings since so many others grew tired of it, but this person said they could handle it, even when I told them I should probably stop talking about them, they said they could handle it, a day later they blocked me because they couldn't handle it, and even tho I wasn't overly close with this person, I didn't have many people at the time and that break of my trust also made me want to ctb more, I really hate people sometimes I really really do, but at the same time, too much lack of them and I end up suffering then as well

 

[AwakeTooLong]

I know you're referring to a specific event, you can't understand this specific person, but I genuinely believe people aren't capable of understanding each other. We always base what other people are, or ought to be, on ourselves, but that always fails at some point, then you can study their behavior and make less than accurate predictions based on it, or have an approximation of their thought process based on their words, which could be lies. We are just so different on some fundamental level that makes other people incomprehensible, maybe it's the nature of being separate organisms. The only person we can ever hope to understand is ourselves, and I don't know about you but I don't fully understand myself either. Unfortunately I can't really come up with much from his belief of mine, just hopelessness and cynicism.

That's an interesting way of looking at things but I suppose it is true to varying degrees, no matter who the person is and regardless of how well you think you know them based on the time you've spent with them, there is no possible way to know the depths of their emotions, what lurks inside in their mind. At best, it's only possible to make a prediction based on what you already know about them as you said.

I guess that is the risk you carry with yourself when you decide to trust someone, even if you click with them, your intuition aligns with theirs, and everything's seems to have clicked perfectly, the risk remains. You can never truly understand them or their actions.

I can kind of understand, had someone I was opening up to with my feelings since so many others grew tired of it, but this person said they could handle it, even when I told them I should probably stop talking about them, they said they could handle it, a day later they blocked me because they couldn't handle it, and even tho I wasn't overly close with this person, I didn't have many people at the time and that break of my trust also made me want to ctb more, I really hate people sometimes I really really do, but at the same time, too much lack of them and I end up suffering then as well

It saddens and frustrates me to no end because I couldn't ever imagine myself doing the same to someone I said the same things to. It just boils down to how easy it is to say things but not so easy when it comes to sticking by your words. I just wish people were more careful with their words and actions, especially when they're already aware of how severe of an impact those words could have on the other person.