Venting i don't want to die alone

[nails]

i hate that i'm going to die alone. i've never had a lover, i can't handle any sort of relationship and i honestly don't even deserve my friends. i know finding a ctb partner is an option but i don't want to get to know someone for a couple months just to die with them.

this isn't going to stop me from ctbing, it's just something i'm upset about. i'm still excited to die, i just hate this lonely feeling.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

me too i just wish i could have experienced love at least once before I die. every time i tried it crashed and burned horribly. i honestly feel like a failure for still being alone at my age when everyone i know has had multiple relationships already. anyways gl to you and i hope you can find peace.x

 

[KillingPain267]

 

[feelinggloomy]

That's a big regret for me … I don't know if regret is the right word … my son and I were as close as two people could be … yet he passed alone … kills me to think of how that must have felt and how scared he must have been. Kills me to think of it.

 

[nails]

View attachment 153653

house jumpscare

 

[Sutter]

i hate that i'm going to die alone. i've never had a lover, i can't handle any sort of relationship and i honestly don't even deserve my friends. i know finding a ctb partner is an option but i don't want to get to know someone for a couple months just to die with them.

this isn't going to stop me from ctbing, it's just something i'm upset about. i'm still excited to die, i just hate this lonely feeling.

That is hard, very hard. We do indeed die alone but for some there may have been memories, of a life lived. I can relate to the additional despair of never being able to love another and at least for a time feeling that love and it being returned. If there was an option to drag life forward for the lack of opportunity to experience some small measure of the best it had to offer, I would be doing that dragging for everyone.

Valid and validated, Doesnt much matter but Im here looking at your post, spending time.

 

[Wendigo]

Nobody should die alone, it's a horrible feeling.
Anxiety kicks in, tachycardia....
Love is a double edged weapon tho, some people end here because of a failed relationship, me being one of those people.

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

i hate that i'm going to die alone. i've never had a lover, i can't handle any sort of relationship and i honestly don't even deserve my friends. i know finding a ctb partner is an option but i don't want to get to know someone for a couple months just to die with them.

this isn't going to stop me from ctbing, it's just something i'm upset about. i'm still excited to die, i just hate this lonely feeling.

I think it's not just you that hate's this everlasting loneliness. In fact, many of us do. We sometimes are able to desperately search to escape this feeling, but most of the times fall into an even deeper sensation of loneliness, at least that was the case for me. I've done everything I possibly could for over 3 years to stop being lonely; I've lost over 25 KGs, started making contact with more and more people, began new "hobbies" to have something in common with the people I had contact with, changed the way I dress, started buying designers clothing, shit like that, yet once I finally got comfy around them, I decided to open and tell them just a bit of my true self, and boom, everybody's gone. I've gained the weight back, even though I don't look as fat as before anymore, but I feel disgusted by myself. I gave up on buying all the designers clothing, stopped dressing as good as possible, lost practically all my money, all the friends and people I've gathered, and now I'm mainly by myself. There's no way to escape loneliness, but there is a way to escape the reality, at least for a bit, and that way of escape is staying online for me. I've always been much of an online person, but it's now that I'm more active in the virtual world than ever before. It's a good way to escape whatever this distorted and blurred reality really is, but the escape is only temporary. Things might have gotten better for me lately, but I know that it's not gonna last forever, and that i'm gonna get striked down once again no matter what, so the only real thing to do is to use as much as I can before loneliness and nothingess overtakes me for the one last time, as by the time that happens, I'm pretty much sure it's gonna be time for me to CTB.