Story I don't want to stay just for the people who might need me

[Cheryven]

My ex (who is the only one i am still able to talk about my will to die despite the fact that him not wanting to be with me is the last straw for me) told me that I matter and that i should stay for the people around me that might need me someday... I know some people care about me but I have been suicidal and going through ups and downs for so long I feel like a burden at this point... I can feel people drifting away from me and I don't want to hold them back anymore... I could do so many things but I just lay in my bed crying all day I have no will for nothing. The connection i had with him was out of this world and i don't have the strenght to move on from it. Ive been throught heartbreaks and depressions episodes before and somehow made it throught but this is it. Its not worth it.. this world is horrible, the way we treat each others, animals, the earth... I can't look over that and only my love for him and his family and the hope of our future together was making it worth it... Now its gone.. He is there for me because he doesnt want me to ctb but even tho he says its not the right time i know he is fine and wont be with me ever again... I don't want to make people around me suffer but I am done I have been fighting depression for years, therapy, medication, meditation spirituality... I can't see the light he was my light and now everything is just dark... I'm scared to do it I am scared of what will.be after... I am agnotist and read a lot about different theories but I know we can't really know... I can't do this anymore ...

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

My ex (who is the only one i am still able to talk about my will to die despite the fact that him not wanting to be with me is the last straw for me) told me that I matter and that i should stay for the people around me that might need me someday... I know some people care about me but I have been suicidal and going through ups and downs for so long I feel like a burden at this point... I can feel people drifting away from me and I don't want to hold them back anymore... I could do so many things but I just lay in my bed crying all day I have no will for nothing. The connection i had with him was out of this world and i don't have the strenght to move on from it. Ive been throught heartbreaks and depressions episodes before and somehow made it throught but this is it. Its not worth it.. this world is horrible, the way we treat each others, animals, the earth... I can't look over that and only my love for him and his family and the hope of our future together was making it worth it... Now its gone.. He is there for me because he doesnt want me to ctb but even tho he says its not the right time i know he is fine and wont be with me ever again... I don't want to make people around me suffer but I am done I have been fighting depression for years, therapy, medication, meditation spirituality... I can't see the light he was my light and now everything is just dark... I'm scared to do it I am scared of what will.be after... I am agnotist and read a lot about different theories but I know we can't really know... I can't do this anymore ...

Losing the love of your life is absolutely crushing… I feel for you

 

[Cheryven]

Losing the love of your life is absolutely crushing… I feel for you

Thank you... ❤

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. You have the right to exit this world at a time of your choosing after all and it is selfish for others to expect you to suffer for decades. I do not believe there is anything after this, I think there is just nothing. Death is freedom from all suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

That sucks. Why did the relationship stop?

 

[Cheryven]

I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. You have the right to exit this world at a time of your choosing after all and it is selfish for others to expect you to suffer for decades. I do not believe there is anything after this, I think there is just nothing. Death is freedom from all suffering. I wish you the best.

Thank you for this answer and validating my feelings...

That sucks. Why did the relationship stop?

A lot of things... He did me wrong and swore to fix it but kept deceiving me... Now he says he is not ready he doesnt deserve a love like mine, that he can't handle me being suicidal and that its not the right time even tho I might be the one...