Discussion I feel blessed I'm bipolar

[Leiot]

What do you all think?

Think of the people who feel 'bad' is not having a date on Saturday night. They have no clue what bad is. Bad is when you not only want to CTB but you want to erase any evidence you ever existed.

The same people probably feel that 'good' is having a date on Saturday night. They don't have a clue what good is either. Good is when you walk outside and can see the patterns in nature, how everything is connected and the world itself is alive. When your brain fires so fast you can solve problems, see connections and feel full of energy. When you feel connected to everything, including my brothers & sisters here.

What a narrow range of life experiences they live in. I'd rather live with the ups and downs than live in a tunnel.

 

[1up]

I don't get you, brother. I have Bipolar, and I wanna off myself and have wanted to since I was 5. They could probably take drugs and get all the good parts of what you experience without the debilitating lows (hell, they could probably get those, too, if they wanted to). Instead, we have to live the rest of our lives with this miserable disease. If I am wrong, please enlighten me. I would love to love my experience, too.
Lol I just realized this is Recovery my bad, pretend I didn't say the depressing

 

[Leiot]

I don't get you, brother. I have Bipolar, and I wanna off myself and have wanted to since I was 5. They could probably take drugs and get all the good parts of what you experience without the debilitating lows (hell, they could probably get those, too, if they wanted to). Instead, we have to live the rest of our lives with this miserable disease. If I am wrong, please enlighten me. I would love to love my experience, too.
Lol I just realized this is Recovery my bad, pretend I didn't say the depressing

I cycle pretty rapidly so I don't stay there very long. Yeah, I think about it every day; sometimes in an abstract way and sometimes actively planning it. I guess I'm lucky in that I come out of it pretty quick.

 

[vitbar]

I haven't been diagnosed with a specific mood disorder, but do experience depression in episodes with decent times between.

From speaking with people with unremitting depression I'm grateful for the mixture. Grateful to have not been able to forget what the good times feel like. Not exactly what you mean though.

I do kind of get what you mean though. I quite like the hypomania, and the depths are interesting to an extent. I'd sooner be more stable, but there are peculiar perks. It's not always easy to find gratitude when laid low.

 

[finallydone]

i totally agree with jello, i think i first wanted to leave this life when i was around the same age, if i had a choice i would choose not to be born at all but if i was forced to come and had the choice between the tunnel and the roller-coaster, i'm choosing the tunnel every time buddy

 

[wren-briar]

For me, the hypomanias truly have been amazing, but as @jello so perfectly stated, "They could probably take drugs and get all the good parts of what you experience without the debilitating lows (hell, they could probably get those, too, if they wanted to)." (Since failing to catch my most recent bus, I've seriously been contemplating this!)

Unlike you, I'm not rapid cycling, and the vast majority of my adult life (50+ yo) has been spent in moderate to severe depression.

In a way, the worst part of being bipolar, for me, is my brain's often times very uncommon responses to medications, which means depression meds, well, that's been a nightmare for a long time now! (The singular manic episode I ever had was due to meds. For many years, I feared a repeat of that particular hell, but ultimately, the fact that so many antidepressants simply didn't help or, in more than a handful of cases, made things worse, has been a much bigger problem.)

Add to that the MH field's expectations and biases against those with bipolar.

I'm also trans-masculine and since starting testosterone, almost 15 years ago, I haven't had any natural hypomania episodes, so while I finally feel seen as "me" (which I honestly wouldn't change for anythin) I also haven't been able to experience the sole benefit of being bipolar.

 

[dreamfyre]

i like this :)

 

[Hollowman]

You're not bipolar you have bipolar.

 

[Leiot]

For me, the hypomanias truly have been amazing, but as @jello so perfectly stated, "They could probably take drugs and get all the good parts of what you experience without the debilitating lows (hell, they could probably get those, too, if they wanted to)." (Since failing to catch my most recent bus, I've seriously been contemplating this!)

Unlike you, I'm not rapid cycling, and the vast majority of my adult life (50+ yo) has been spent in moderate to severe depression.

In a way, the worst part of being bipolar, for me, is my brain's often times very uncommon responses to medications, which means depression meds, well, that's been a nightmare for a long time now! (The singular manic episode I ever had was due to meds. For many years, I feared a repeat of that particular hell, but ultimately, the fact that so many antidepressants simply didn't help or, in more than a handful of cases, made things worse, has been a much bigger problem.)

Add to that the MH field's expectations and biases against those with bipolar.

I'm also trans-masculine and since starting testosterone, almost 15 years ago, I haven't had any natural hypomania episodes, so while I finally feel seen as "me" (which I honestly wouldn't change for anythin) I also haven't been able to experience the sole benefit of being bipolar.

About every six months or so my bipolar group used to degenerate into 'Everyone Bitch About Your Meds' day. Two people on the same med got completley different side effects. They always told us to give it a month or so for the meds to kick in. But it seems like side effects are Day One. I have one med that can throw me into a hypomanic state and it's hard not to take it a lot.