I feel deceived

[Mecha Man]

I want to preclude this by noting that this is related to another thread, in which I made this exact same post at the bottom of tonight, but it didn't occur to me that probably no one would read it, because it's at the bottom of a thread. I hope I'm not breaking any kinds of rules here or anything, but anyways, the other thread is this: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/so-the-craziest-thing-happened-today.1889/#post-23669

To summarize that post, basically my brother offered me the use of his shotgun if I ever felt like killing myself.

So here's what I have to say now:

OMG... I feel like I've been deceived. The other day while my brother was at work, I went to check out his gun just to make sure I still knew how to operate it. I wasn't even planning on using it. And the box it was in was -locked-. I feel like I've been tricked. I thought I had an easy way out, if it ever came to that. Now that's gone, and I feel worse than I did before. I feel like I'm completely trapped in this body. I don't think there's any better way to put it; I feel like I'm in hell. My whole family loves me so much that what they seem to care about more than anything else is making me happy again. I know that probably sounds like a nice thing, but for me it only makes this situation so much more difficult, constantly having to listen to inspirational speeches and how "things are going to get better." I know it doesn't do any good but I can't help but silently yell out into the void, "Somebody please help me! Somebody please kill me! Why won't the world let me die?!"

Edit: I forgot that I should probably note that my brother was high on drugs when he made this offer in the first place, so maybe when he came to his senses he realized he'd made a terrible mistake. That doesn't make me feel any better, but it at least makes this situation more understandable.

 

[Mecha Man]

You can pick locks with bobby pins easily? I've done it before.

That's not really the point.... the point is that he offered it to me freely, and then tried to prevent me from accessing it (apparently). The implication is that he doesn't want me to use it, and that he's not offering it freely anymore. Am I viewing this wrong in some way?

 

[comfortablydumb]

The implication is that he doesn't want me to use it, and that he's not offering it freely anymore. Am I viewing this wrong in some way?

Nobody knows. You said he was on drugs when he told you that you could use it. For all we know, he's forgotten that he ever even told you that.

In any case, it's clear that your issue is not that the gun is now unavailable to you, but that you don't seem to have your brother's blessing to kill yourself.

 

[ephemeral]

Instead of supporting you descreetly no matter what, you have been furtively hindered. You lost an ally that you thought you had. This hurts, apart from making it harder to realize your plans. It adds to the feeling of a hostile world.

This how I would probably describe my feelings in your place. Probably b/c I know just a little about your situation.

Take care.

 

[Mecha Man]

Here you go genius.

Thanks for the info. I just want to say that I already knew how to pick locks. These

Instead of supporting you descreetly no matter what, you have been furtively hindered. You lost an ally that you thought you had. This hurts, apart from making it harder to realize your plans. It adds to the feeling of a hostile world.

This how I would probably describe my feelings in your place. Probably b/c I know just a little about your situation.

Take care.

Yeah that pretty much sums it up

 

[Final Escape]

Maybe he changed his mind, and decided he didn't want to risk being associated with it if you decided to use his gun. Obviously he might have been connected to it if u were able to follow through. I don't blame him but he shouldn't have messed with u like this. Pretty fucked up. Your bro is a dick.

 

[Mecha Man]

Maybe he changed his mind, and decided he didn't want to risk being associated with it if you decided to use his gun. Obviously he might have been connected to it if u were able to follow through. I don't blame him but he shouldn't have messed with u like this. Pretty fucked up. Your bro is a dick.

Well he certainly can be a dick, but what he really is is disturbed and sick, like me. He's also highly eccentric, and his personality changes all the time. If you ever criticize him for saying something one day, and doing something different another day, he gets annoyed, because to him, anything he said in the past is irrelevant. I have a hard time wrapping my head around this concept, but it is what it is. He's also trying to come clean from a drug addiction to opiates, so that doesn't help matters either.