I feel deeply in love with a 55 year old man and he has permanently messed up my head.

[FireFox]

I really thought he liked me and I wanted a future with him but he ended up messing with my head with his constant lying and mind games. In 2022 I was 25 and for the first time in my life I was no longer suicidal because my life was riding at an all time high. I had the most amazing holiday in Venice where I truly found myself and felt so alive like never before. After coming back from travelling my life subsequently kept getting better which is why 2022 was the best year of my life. For the first time in my life I was looking forward to the future.

I feel deeply in love with a 55 year old White British old man ( let's call him a pseudonym name Tom ) he made me feel so special in a way no man has ever done. All my life I have been that girl who never had a guy like her. As a teenager I had the confidence and social skills to talk to boys I liked but they always rejected me. I even experienced boys pretending to like me as a part of a sick entertaining joke to make their friends laugh. In adulthood I ask guys out but always they dump me at the last minute. Men sees other women special but no one sees anything special in me.

Part 1 : In November 2022 the first week in to my job I met Tom at an office event day organised by the workplace . The role was a WFH job and sometimes the workplace organised office days where the team meets up. At work I was wearing purple lipstick matching with a purple lacy dres and I was interacting with other people. Talking to people and making the effort to know people for me feels just natural, i always been like that. Tom saw me and we got talking.

I ended up leaving the office with Tom and another male colleague in his 30s to go for a walk. During our walk we both got to know each other. In the neighbourhood area where the office was located there is a large museum called the Imperial War Museum. I brought up with men I visted that museum and I was explaining about the stuff inside the museum I saw. The guys were impressed. Tom previously been to the museum a couple of years ago and he talked how is father used to hang out in the area as a boy however the other colleague never has been to the museum. Tom decides we should all go right now to the museum and he knew another walk path route to vist the museum. At the museum Tom told me to show them around and to keep track of time. I showed the man and other guy around the museum its was wonderful because it like having friends all life I never really had friends.We made it in time for lunch at work.

The next day at work Tom emailed me morning time. He wrote good morning and said he was looking forward to seeing me around. Tom hadn't started his job role yet and was due to start a week after me . He was in an a managerial role but we both had the same boss. I later discover he was close mates with our boss who is a white old man like him.

My second week at work I saw Tom again in at a 9.00am Microsoft Teams meeting. Seeing him on camera I felt my heart racing when i saw that polar neck he was wearing and those green eyes standing out. I smiled at him during the meeting and he smiled back. Nobody in the meeting saw because imajority had their cameras turned off and the boss was too busy talking. I was so proud of myself that I flirted with him without getting caught. I emailed him complimenting his polar neck and he said thanks.

In the beginning it was so wonderful because he was so caring and attentive it was so great having a mn finally notice me. When I emailed the workplace IT department and our boss that I needed a something the man saw my email somehow and even wrote if there was anything he can do to help. When it was his day off the man messaged me saying he was decorating his house. He used to tell me things he was doing. One time at work he began calling me S instead of my full name when I asked why he did this he didn't respond and went back to calling my full name. When I mentioned I was not feeling well the man remembered our previous conversation and asked how I was doing.

He gave me compliments at work too. When I mentioned I camd back from the dentist the man wrote a public message on the workplace chat "you can smile again"

During ALL our messaging the Tom NEVER EVER mentioned his relationship status and constantly gave the impression he was single. He lived by himself, he never married and has no children. At the office he mentioned he was spending Christmas by himself and I saw the sadness in his eyes. He later told me his father died earlier in the year and his brother is not a nice person who kerosene bullying him in a family property dispute

During the Christmas season I sent a E Christmas card to my boss, a card for the whole department thanking them for making me feel welcome and a separate card to the man. Nobody in the department said thank you for my cards except the man. When the man received my card he thanked me for showing him kindness and told me if I ever needed anything he I can always go to him. I shared with him the loss of my own grandfather who died in December 2020 I never shared that with anyone, when my grandfather died I kept that grief to myself.

Part 2 - I was forced by my famiky to see my relatives overseas in January for family stuff and I ended up applying for remote working aboard which the company granted. I didn't want to be stuck in a holiday apartment with toxic relatives who don't even care about me and I would rather spend it with colleagues. Tom began to change completely towards me.

When he found out I was leaving the country he told me to spend time with my family and thats when he began to distance himself from me. I couldn't understand why. During my overseas stay I told him my relative problems which are bit similar to his are the reason why I root for him in wanting him to best his brother. It was wonderful having him listen and understand. I felt I finally had someone I can connect with.

I was struggling in my job role and confinded in Tom my worries. He was my number 1 ally

During a work meeting he asked me when was I coming back to the UK I thought was sweet. I began to get suspicious that he either had a wife or another woman in his life so when I came back to the UK I was going to find some answers by carrying out a plan I made.

Part 3- The day I came back to the UK I decided to log in for work in the afternoon and cared about carrying out my plan which involved a Microsoft Teams phone call. The plan was to get him to come to me and I started a causal normal conservation about work and normal stuff in our lives. I was so calm and relaxed throughout that is how I extracted information out of him and caught him. I made sure he was relaxed as possible. I charmed him by saying " enough about me tell me about how you are doing you been going through a lot lately " I made feel him important and good about himself that is how I got him relaxed and off guard.

I charmed him by saying " enough about me tell me about how you are doing you been going through a lot lately " It all came out because I asked him more about his holiday plans in the conversation. He told me he was going away on February to Spain. This is how I got very suspicious.

I asked him who is going with because he lives by himself, estranged from his brother and his friends are all busy with their spouses and children. He told me he was going with a woman lets call her K .Then the interrogation began.• I asked him calmly who is K? He told me she is his girlfriend• I asked calmly him how long has this been going for then I asked why did he spend Christmas by all himself instead of it at her house.

K is 55 years old like him and she has 2 kids from her previous relationship. Tom has been on and off with K for 20 fuckiing years I was so devastated. It was clear he found me when he was no longer with her and when he got back with her he decided to stop focusing his attention on me.

He was even struggling to answer my questions especially why his has been on and off with his girlfriend for 20 years. The call at one point cut then phoned me again saying he customer came on the call and he needed to deal with it. Bullsh*t he cut the line himself because he couldn't cope with my questions as I was grilling him like a police officer in police questioning.

The man was telling me about his ALL past relationships . I learnt he gets into relationships with other women including in the company when he splits up with his gf and leaves them when he gets back with his gf. He even told me a bizarre story that he had a relationship with a Colombian employee he had a relationship with. He told me she "disappeared one day". He said he thinks "her visa expired". I always thought the visa story was not making any sense. I now question "what did he do to her" and why was he telling me this.

I asked him if he ever dated anyone younger than himself. He told me I should be with a man my own age and then proceeded to say he doesn't date 25 years olds because he "can't keep up" I was sooo crushed by that comment. I asked him are you saying you can keep up with me ?. He said we will never happen and how K is his "Rock" . I made a joke making fun of his masculinity but he didn't understand it. The joke was why can't you beat up your brother the way Prince William had been beating Prince Harry. I was upset when he made the comment he couldn't keep up with me so I decided to make fun of him not being man enough standing up to his family. He is the eldest sibling, the eldest is supposed to be strong. I learnt he couldn't win fights as a teenager. I won school fights than him.

I emailed him saying I was love with him even though I didnt want to be. I also wrote I that I was happy for him, accepted his relationship and I wished him well and I said I let him go.

I was ready to move on from him, no longer depend on him for stuff and he knew all this then he began sabotaging me at work assisted by an older woman colleague at work who I thought was my friend and our boss believed all the lies he told about me without question. I got humiliated so much at work. This was my first serious job since graduating university this is how my career turned out.

This man is one of the reasons why I do want to kill myself because everyday I am finding it impossible to get over him. I feel like I will never meet another exciting man who noticed me the way he did, made me feel special he way did and gave me real excitement in my life . Guys my own age can't see infront of them the woman who wants to be infront of them and always run after another woman.

I didn't care how about his age and the fact he came into work with four front teeth missing. I really wanted a future with him. I don't think there is anyone else

 

[Worndown]

It might be difficult to gather the anger you need to get over him, right now. Try to remember where you were anf how you got yo where you are now. He obviously played you.
Get pissed off. Crunch that hand into a fist and wave it at the sky. He gave you all the reasons you need to leave him in your dust.
Time to walk.
There are others out there. You just cannot see them from inside his memory.

 

[FireFox]

Part 4: That week at work I was ready to move on and start again. The man ignored for 2 whole days then out if the blue he contacts me asking for help in case work which I found bizarre because he never ssks me for help regarding case work.

During our meeting I told him if this will be a problem about me having feelings for him. I really just wanted to be on good terms with him and I really tried my best to be mature about the situation the best way I could. He told me we are "good" and I have nothing to worry about

At work I befriended an older woman work colleague because we had some common interests and she was of those workers who got on so well everybody as she is seen nice, cool and fun. I was always so good to her at work and gave her assistance with her work when she needed it which makes it hurt even more. Her being a mother with kids my age I thought I had nothing to worry about so I trusted her.

I wanted someone to talk to as i was so hurt and struggling to deal with my attraction to him as i never fell in love with someone so much older than me before and I was so embrassed about my attraction to him. I hid his real age from my family and friends they thought he was my age. My work colleague being Her being a mother with kids my age I thought I had nothing to worry about. I told her everything.

After she promised me she will not to tell anyone she went and told the man our ENTIRE private conversation and the pair of them were gossiping about me at work. Unfortunately in our private conversation I really insulted the man as i was so upset over the pain he caused me in which I called him an " ageist arsehole" and explained to her the Prince William beating Prince Harry joke. The man was too stupid to understand the joke

My problems finally began

Part 5 : The same dsy I had a conversation with the woman employee. Tom being a male Karen then picked up the phone and whined to our boss about he feels "uncomfortable" being around me at work and mentioned my feelings I had for him.

He lied to our boss saying how I knew the entire time he has girlfriend and painted me as a scorned women who can't accept NO for an answer. Boss believed him.

Later in the evening my boss said how my behaviour was "inappropriate" and this incident will.go on my file any further complaints and issues I will be in a HR meeting for harsssment.

The woman I was friends with at work her name came up in the conservation with the boss that's how I knew she opened her mouth.

I was absolutely devastated because he constantly told me everything was fine. I was fucking ready to move him.

My mind went blank because I couldn't understand why he did this. I wrote an email to my boss, cced in Tom and mentioned how Tom has been lying and telling me everything was fine. I phoned Tom the same day to confront him.

He tells on the phone how he can't concentrate because of me. He said he us looking forward to seeing a "smile" on my face at the next office day. He was talking to me like a 10 year old child.

I had a panic attack and was hysterical. I couldn't think properly anymore. I was regularly breaking down I lived in absolute terror.

This was probation period already I was unpopular with management for upsetting an entilted customer

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You shouldn't let the asshole get to you like this. I don't get why he felt the need to do this to you and I wouldn't be deprived if this toxic behaviour was why him and his gf have such a rocky relationship. He's just a straight up loser. On the brightside, at least you dodged a bullet. Getting with him (assuming that he was lying about the whole "I don't get with 25-year-olds because I can't keep up" thing) would have been a mistake.

 

[FireFox]

Part 6 The Office Day: A couple of days before the office day I emailed my two managers of the department saying how I mentally can't cope anymore at work and asked what kind of pastrol care services they have at work. I explained how I am struggling with the case work and just need someone to guide me at work and have someone to talk too about stuff.

At this point I was completely broken the man I loved and number 1ally betrayed me. My work colleague friend was a gossip. I couldn't think anymore. Management responded saying we can talk about this during the office day. I finally thought I was going to get help to be on track.

The office day as pure hell. I was humiliated by the management and excluded at work.
During the office day the woman woman friend was hanging out with Tom and all the other men. She excluded me from the workplace crowd, everyone ignored me at work. It hurt.

In the meeting with our male boss and the other woman manager in the company. My male boss threw nothing but insults so many insults and Tom already went ahead to whine and lie to our boss about our phone conversation. Tom keeps lying and lying.

1) Management complained about my email asking for help. My boss argued how I am demanding too much of their resources .He was sooo aggressive. Everytime he spoke his tone of the voice increased, he face was puffed up and angry. I was absolutely terrified.

He said the following insults
" You bring absolutely nothing to my team" and said ever since I arrived here brought "nothing but problems" to his team.
He complained about how I don't close cases quick enough like everyone else. The work was challenging and involved complex multiple housing repair complaints.

I told him all I wanted was to be a good employee and my boss rudely responds " And". It absolutely hurt as I meant what I said

2) Discussion about Tom: This was I finally learnt the true extent of Tom lies. I tried to explain myself but boss refused to listen and look at evidence. He made multiple insults.

I told him I have nothing to hide and the evidence is in our all emails. I offered to surrender ALL my workplace communications. My boss he said will not look at the emails because its "wasting office time" and accused me of wasting " office time"

He made more insults saying "you are not in love with him you are infatuated with him" he looked at me absolute disgust.

When I called out the management for not being fair and looking to find the full facts my male boss kept insulting my immaturity. His insults were "this is not a playground oh miss he hates me"

That was the most painful as already I am insecure about my immaturity.

The woman manager was just as bad. She was giving Tom sympathy. She said "Tom is a really nice guy who was "scared of her hurting" "my feelings" which was why he didn't say
anything honestly. Both managers were questioning the validity of my attraction to Tom.

When i said Tom should have been honest my male boss said " what did you want him to say "piss off"

When he made the comment that was when I ended up breakdown shouting and screaming at my boss because of all the distress, degradation and humiliating treatment the management were doing to me. I screamed at my boss saying " He is 55 years old, he is man he should have been controlling this situation" " I am NOT a mind reader he is saying one thing to me then he is saying another"

My bosses face went from red to white and his eyes watered. After our massive argument in office my boss stopped talking to me at work.
Tom was that guy at work everyone thought was a guy nice unfortunately I was seen as this rebellious outspoken 25 year old employee who upset a rude and entilted customer by harshly criticising customers ridiculous behaviour.

I was too different from everyone at work. I am outspoken, refuse to take bullshit from customers and wasn't scared to say NO our boss while everyone at work was older, more quieter, scared of customers and generally conformist.
I was fired eventually for having poor customer service skills. I admit I was upset getting fired because I never got to show what I was good at and my passion for wanting to make a real difference but 1 hour after my boss fired me I was so happy.

I finally felt free from it all

 

[EternalSkies]

I wish you well in life & hope things work out for you. And hope that this was nothing but a blip on your life's timeline

 

[todiefor]

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I really hope you the best in the future. Being young and female in the work place can be really difficult .

For me personally, I made a decision long time ago to never get personal/close with any colleagues to avoid possible betrayal or disappointment in people. I am always friendly but I would never get into a relationship, hope for a relationship or confide in anyone about my personal feelings, good or bad, about clients or other people I worked with except when it is required professionally. I'm always transparent but my private life and feelings are entirely private. I have friends outside of work and I only become friends with people from work after either they leave the job or I do, which has worked reasonably well for me, i have made life long friends that way. I only want people to talk about me in relation to my work. I think in the UK especially people can be very private and professional this way in the work place and not used to any discussion about personal feelings.

Even then I've had someone quite senior stalk me mercilessly for about a year at work and threatening to ruin my career, I was fairly fresh out of uni at the time as well and felt entirely powerless as I felt I couldn't have reported it and kept my job. It rattled me to the core I was genuinely afraid for my career but I did recover from it.

 

[FireFox]

You shouldn't let the asshole get to you like this. I don't get why he felt the need to do this to you and I wouldn't be deprived if this toxic behaviour was why him and his gf have such a rocky relationship. He's just a straight up loser. On the brightside, at least you dodged a bullet. Getting with him (assuming that he was lying about the whole "I don't get with 25-year-olds because I can't keep up" thing) would have been a mistake.

@EvisceratedJester I DO NOT understand how a person be on and off with someone for over 20 years, I really don't. I am so jealous of his girlfriend because I can NOT compete with a 55 year old woman now 56 year old woman.

She has a property in Spain, an established career and she has his love. I was absolutely hurt when he said she was his "rock" because I wanted to be his rock and the one he is never going to leave.

What I have I got ? NO career, unsuccessful with men always, living with my mother and just a loser. His girlfriend is so much better than me.

I really tried my absolute best to handle the situation maturely but in the end I felt like a stupid kid playing an adults game which I couldn't win.

The whole thing reminded me of how I am nothing but a stupid immature young woman who got caught up in something too big for her to handle.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I really hope you the best in the future. Being young and female in the work place can be really difficult .

For me personally, I made a decision long time ago to never get personal/close with any colleagues to avoid possible betrayal or disappointment in people. I am always friendly but I would never get into a relationship, hope for a relationship or confide in anyone about my personal feelings, good or bad, about clients or other people I worked with except when it is required professionally. I'm always transparent but my private life and feelings are entirely private. I have friends outside of work and I only become friends with people from work after either they leave the job or I do, which has worked reasonably well for me, i have made life long friends that way. I only want people to talk about me in relation to my work. I think in the UK especially people can be very private and professional this way in the work place and not used to any discussion about personal feelings.

Even then I've had someone quite senior stalk me mercilessly for about a year at work and threatening to ruin my career, I was fairly fresh out of uni at the time as well and felt entirely powerless as I felt I couldn't have reported it and kept my job. It rattled me to the core I was genuinely afraid for my career but I did recover from it.

@todiefor It's so hard to make friends in your 20s and it upsets me I have no friends at my age. Loneliness in 20s is not talked about enough and not taken seriously. I have older people dismiss me over my loneliness issues.

People I grew up with in my neighbourhood and local church now are married and have established careers. I am the odd one out with NO friends, no boyfriend and NO achievements in life. I am running out of time to meet a man.

It was so hard seeing everyone much older than me at work have spouses, partners or children while I am just in my flat working in my living room everyday. My living room is where I watch TV, eat, sleep and now it's a work station because of the pandemic forced me into working from home in the beginning of my working career I hated WFH because its so lonely and often I feel trapped. Career wise being forced to WFH has stunted my development as an employee. I never got to grow the natural way as an employe is supposed to grow when they are office and seeing how other people work. WFH majority of the time I was just on my own throughout the week as everyone was logged in somewhere

The lockdown made me absolutely terrifed of living and dying alone it's is many reasons why I planned to kill myself in my 30s. I plan to kill myself a lot sooner if I lose my university place this year. This is pretty much the final straw.

My 20s has been an enormous failure and I don't want to see another decade. I have no future.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

@EvisceratedJester I DO NOT understand how a person be on and off with someone for over 20 years, I really don't. I am so jealous of his girlfriend because I can NOT compete with a 55 year old woman now 56 year old woman.

She has a property in Spain, an established career and she has his love. I was absolutely hurt when he said she was his "rock" because I wanted to be his rock and the one he is never going to leave.

What I have I got ? NO career, unsuccessful with men always, living with my mother and just a loser. His girlfriend is so much better than me.

I really tried my absolute best to handle the situation maturely but in the end I felt like a stupid kid playing an adults game which I couldn't win.

The whole thing reminded me of how I am nothing but a stupid immature young woman who got caught up in something too big for her to handle.

I mean, she is also stuck in an on and off relationship rather than a stable healthy one. You don't know her at the end of the day. She could also have all sorts of shit not going for her that you don't even know about so there is no point in comparing yourself to her. Plus, she has had how many decades to at least try to get her shit together, meanwhile you are only in your late 20s. Most people around your age are still trying to get themselves together. Hell, even most people in their 50s haven't gotten their shit together, including the ones who seem like they do. My bf is in his early 50s and he still has a shit ton of his own issues to sprt out, my dad is in his early 50s and hasn't gotten his shit together, and my mom still feels stuck in life despite being in her early 40s. I wouldn't be surprised if his gf is in the same boat.

It's clear that this dude you were into isn't a great person to have as a partner. He seems shitty, tbh. I understand that you feel very crushed over having someone finally notice you, only for them to then turn out to already be in a relationship and to then have the gall to get you unfairly fired from your job. That's probably a horrible thing to go through, but you shouldn't let this asshole and his gf just live rent-free in your head. If you keep on comparing yourself to her then you are just going to end up making yourself feel worse.

Most adults aren't that mature. They have just learned how to put on the facade of maturity, but in reality, most adults are immature as fuck. A lot of aspects of adulthood seem to revolve around creating the illusion of meeting societal expectations of what it means to be an adult, rather than actually meeting them. It's just one big performance. So what if you are a stupid immature woman? Most women (and men) are stupid and immature. It's just that some women (and men) are better at hiding it than others.

 

[F@#$]

Love is a lie. Nothing will hurt you more.

 

[todiefor]

To be honest in hindsight I wish I didn't date anyone during the entirety of university and my 20s, didn't make any compromises for anyone, worked on myself, I would have had a great time and would be better for it today. Grass isn't always greener on the other side, all these people u envy aren't necessarily having a good time or necessarily will have better outcomes.

Also literally no one has anything together in their 20s and that is totally ok. It can be a throw away time to learn and build yourself for your future life.

 

[FireFox]

To be honest in hindsight I wish I didn't date anyone during the entirety of university and my 20s, didn't make any compromises for anyone, worked on myself, I would have had a great time and would be better for it today. Grass isn't always greener on the other side, all these people u envy aren't necessarily having a good time or necessarily will have better outcomes.

Also literally no one has anything together in their 20s and that is totally ok. It can be a throw away time to learn and build yourself for your future life.

@todiefor I had mental breakdown two weeks after my birthday this year because I have failed to meet the one and just the pure disappointment of how my entire life turned out to be. It's hard bumping into people I grew up now having their own spouses. When it's 6.00am I am crying my eyes in my living room because I can't believe this is my life. I don't have a life worth living. It's a total train wreck.

All my life I always been that girl who never gets picked I feel like there is something wrong with me . I have so much love to give and always genuinely cared for the men I loved throughout my life but still every guy just rejects, humiliates me, never appreciates anything I do and no one wants to know the real me.

Everyone else gets chosen except me. I just wish for once someone can see something special in me the way other women's boyfriend and husbands see something special in them.

I am tired of being the rejected woman. People tell me I am "lucky" this is NOT lucky.

I mean, she is also stuck in an on and off relationship rather than a stable healthy one. You don't know her at the end of the day. She could also have all sorts of shit not going for her that you don't even know about so there is no point in comparing yourself to her. Plus, she has had how many decades to at least try to get her shit together, meanwhile you are only in your late 20s. Most people around your age are still trying to get themselves together. Hell, even most people in their 50s haven't gotten their shit together, including the ones who seem like they do. My bf is in his early 50s and he still has a shit ton of his own issues to sprt out, my dad is in his early 50s and hasn't gotten his shit together, and my mom still feels stuck in life despite being in her early 40s. I wouldn't be surprised if his gf is in the same boat.

It's clear that this dude you were into isn't a great person to have as a partner. He seems shitty, tbh. I understand that you feel very crushed over having someone finally notice you, only for them to then turn out to already be in a relationship and to then have the gall to get you unfairly fired from your job. That's probably a horrible thing to go through, but you shouldn't let this asshole and his gf just live rent-free in your head. If you keep on comparing yourself to her then you are just going to end up making yourself feel worse.

Most adults aren't that mature. They have just learned how to put on the facade of maturity, but in reality, most adults are immature as fuck. A lot of aspects of adulthood seem to revolve around creating the illusion of meeting societal expectations of what it means to be an adult, rather than actually meeting them. It's just one big performance. So what if you are a stupid immature woman? Most women (and men) are stupid and immature. It's just that some women (and men) are better at hiding it than others.

@EvisceratedJester Thanks for your reply. I always been different from other people my age and always struggled to fit in. I am an outsider amoungst women my age group for never having a boyfriend and because majority had their 1st relationships with guys as teenagers. When I hear women talk about thier boyfriends, their first love I can't relate and they can't relete to me never having a boyfriend and always knowing male rejection since birth even own my biological father didn't want me. I have even experienced friends no longer wanting to hang out with me once they have a boyfriend. This is happened to me twice first in secondary school and then at university.

I feel undeveloped in my sexuality. My age doesn't match my maturity. I am in my 20s but mentally I feel like a 16 year old who has never had a boyfriend. No man is ever going to want a woman like me.

I read on Reddit how men find it weird if a woman is still a virigin in her 20s. I have even had Reddit men blame my personality for being single. On r/AskMen sub I was told my natural confidence and outspoken personality puts off men.

It's too late for me to find a partner. I will never be enough for a man.

I have no future. I got fired for having poor customer service skills in my first serious job since graduating university. The most successful people in life where never fired. Your first job defines you. Career wise I feel like I will never have a better job.

My boss had the audacity to say " don't think of getting fired as the worst thing that happened to you but the best"

Can the arsehole even hear himself. He ends my employment and tells me I should see this as a wonderful opportunity. WTF. I have to start again since getting fired I hate it how is this wonderful.

 

[todiefor]

The most successful ppl in this world don't give up on their dreams and face many set backs over and over and over again before they succeed, I think

I read on Reddit how men find it weird if a woman is still a virigin in her 20s. I have even had Reddit men blame my personality for being single. On r/AskMen sub I was told my natural confidence and outspoken personality puts off men.

It's too late for me to find a partner. I will never be enough for a man.

I have no future. I got fired for having poor customer service skills in my first serious job since graduating university. The most successful people in life were never fired. Your first job defines you. Career wise I feel like I will never have a better job.

No one cares if you are a virgin in your 20s…why are u reading on Reddit about this.

It really isn't too late even if you don't find a partner in your 20s.

The most successful ppl in this world don't give up on their dreams and face many set backs over and over and over again before they succeed, I think

I am very sorry about how you are feeling and what u have experienced, I hope things improve with new experiences and ppl in your life

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel undeveloped in my sexuality. My age doesn't match my maturity. I am in my 20s but mentally I feel like a 16 year old who has never had a boyfriend. No man is ever going to want a woman like me.

I read on Reddit how men find it weird if a woman is still a virigin in her 20s. I have even had Reddit men blame my personality for being single. On r/AskMen sub I was told my natural confidence and outspoken personality puts off men.

It's too late for me to find a partner. I will never be enough for a man.

Do not take anything that redditors say seriously, especially those from r/AskMen. Those same people are 9/10 also virgins and are usually very misogynistic. Plenty of women are virgins up into their 20s. Hell, I'm in my early 20s and I'm still a virgin. I've never even been on a date before! The closest relationship I had before being in my 20s was a 2-day "relationship" (it wasn't even a relationship tbh, lol) with a boy who admitted to having a crush on me back when I was 10. Most of my experiences with anything regarding sex come from porn, hentai, doujinshis, fanfic, and all of the inappropriate things I used to do for men online. There are still plenty of people around your age who haven't lost their virginity yet.

Among young adults in particular, virginity is common. Globally, 38% of adults 18 to 24 are virgins. Asia-Pacific countries have the highest concentration of young adult virgins (84% in Malaysia and Singapore, 78% in Indonesia, 53% in Thailand, 47% in the Philippines). Virginity is also quite common among adults 18 to 24 in the US, at 53%. After age 25, fewer global adults are virgins (18% of adults 25 to 29, 9% of adults in their thirties, 6% of adults in their forties).

Around the World, Casual Sex Isn’t All That Common

The people with the best sex lives aren’t who you’d think, according to our new global sex study.

insights.paramount.com

There are also plenty of people in their 20s who have never been in a relationship before, especially among Gen Z and young millennials. Some people don't start finding more success in dating until a bit later in life, but even if you never find that success you shouldn't let it get to you. You shouldn't let your past failures in the dating scene get you down. If people can't see what you are willing to offer then fuck them.

I understand that society puts a lot of pressure on us to find romantic partner, but I doubt that it would do much to fill the hole inside of you. Romantic relationships can be stressful and filled with all sorts of issues. My dad's desperation to find a romantic partner and start a happy nuclear family has led to him being abused twice. Meanwhile, my mom has been single for years is doing fine. Being single isn't a bad thing. It can give you a lot of freedom from the shit that gets thrown your way while in a romantic relationship, especially as a woman.

 

[FireFox]

Do not take anything that redditors say seriously, especially those from r/AskMen. Those same people are 9/10 also virgins and are usually very misogynistic. Plenty of women are virgins up into their 20s. Hell, I'm in my early 20s and I'm still a virgin. I've never even been on a date before! The closest relationship I had before being in my 20s was a 2-day "relationship" (it wasn't even a relationship tbh, lol) with a boy who admitted to having a crush on me back when I was 10. Most of my experiences with anything regarding sex come from porn, hentai, doujinshis, fanfic, and all of the inappropriate things I used to do for men online. There are still plenty of people around your age who haven't lost their virginity yet.

Around the World, Casual Sex Isn’t All That Common

The people with the best sex lives aren’t who you’d think, according to our new global sex study.

insights.paramount.com

There are also plenty of people in their 20s who have never been in a relationship before, especially among Gen Z and young millennials. Some people don't start finding more success in dating until a bit later in life, but even if you never find that success you shouldn't let it get to you. You shouldn't let your past failures in the dating scene get you down. If people can't see what you are willing to offer then fuck them.

I understand that society puts a lot of pressure on us to find romantic partner, but I doubt that it would do much to fill the hole inside of you. Romantic relationships can be stressful and filled with all sorts of issues. My dad's desperation to find a romantic partner and start a happy nuclear family has led to him being abused twice. Meanwhile, my mom has been single for years is doing fine. Being single isn't a bad thing. It can give you a lot of freedom from the shit that gets thrown your way while in a romantic relationship, especially as a woman.

@EvisceratedJester I have tried to enjoy single life. I have been taking up more thrill seeking activities. I do activities by myself since I have no friends.

One day before my birthday on May I went climbing up the 02 Arena. The 02 Areba a dome where music concerts get held and the dome is 50 metres high. The venue has climbing packages in the day time, sunset and Night time. At the top of the dome you can see all the major attractions of London.

None of it makes me happy because everywhere I go most has their partners and children. Being outside visting places seeing all the happy couples having fun all I see is love I don't have.

 

[Roseate]

I always say this, "Why would a man 10-20 something older than me want someone my age they have nothing in common with?" They're old enough that they think young people are easily manipulative. When we act young, they call mention how we're young yet not young enough to date? At 55, there's obviously something wrong with him. Take it as a lesson learn and never date someone near your parents age. They're looking for someone to mess with and manipulate and even if they're not, they're still weird. And the only reason they'd date young is if they're emotionally immature and childish anyways

 

[todiefor]

I would take being in my 20s over being 56 (referring to her age not mine) any day honestly, I would give up everything I have to redo my life. I guess my point is grass isn't greener on the other side, u have age / time and opportunity on your side, none of it is really comparable there's no point comparing, you could potentially have a lot more than that when u turn 56, or not, perhaps u will find other things more important by then or not, there's alot of time on your side to work things out.

 

[Morte]

You don't have much romantic experience, so the first guy who approaches you being nice would be enough to leave an impression on you. But a healthy relationship requires more than that, it also requires perseverance on both sides. Tom failed so he is not good enough for you.
Just forget about him and move on, even because from the description I don't think this guy is a good option; I don't think he can make you happiness and even be loyal for a long time. There are other guys out there besides Tom who will treat you well, just keep looking for them.

 

[Worndown]

You need to find happiness inside, outside can come at it's own pace. I am sure seeing couples and families wears on you right now. It does not always need to be like that. Time can bring change. You can bring change.

 

[Manfrotto99]

It seems at the momment your so engulfed by what has happened you can't see the bigger picture and what's going on. Stand back and or see a psychologist who can help you do this and see things from a wider perspective.

I'm 55 myself and let me tell you, he and his partner have nothing over you. You have youth on your side! Think of it as a blessing and learning experience. Why did you get inolved with someone at your work?. Even with my very low self esteem, I knew that would be asking for trouble. At 55 a man may seem mature and a prize catch, but listen - at that age his full of baggage and while he may still be in his prime, in 5 years time he will heading down hill fast with male menopause, while you will be heading into the prime of your life. You don't want some old narcissistic bastard weighing you down. As for his partner, does he love her or her money and what she has? His clearly shallow, so most likely he just loves the stability of the money she has. Material posessesions do not make a person better than someone else, if you think that way you will be judging yourself and others less fortunate unfairly and always putting yourself down and creating a cycle of poverty and depression for yourself. You don't want to live your life full of envy comparing yourself to others, including those much older than yourself. Its not nice and no one will appreciate it. Take it as a learning lesson, get to know yourself and your strengths and how to build on them so you become a better, stronger person and less gullible to charming narcissists. You have youth and time on you side, make the most of it and don't waste it on old aging crap that's heading down hill.Look up and aim high !

 

[EvisceratedJester]

in 5 years time he will heading down hill fast with male menopause

Male menopause isn't actually a thing. Male testosterone levels decrease gradually over time (late-onset hypogonadism). With menopause, meanwhile, hormone production decreases within a short period of time.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

From someone who was in a similar situation (I also fell in love with an older man at my first job), there are things Tom did wrongly but I also think you did somethings wrongly too.

I think you went in quite aggressive on him, it feels like you were developing a friendship but you were already all in your head to date him. You even put him into a corner questioning about his personal life and why he is on and off in relationship. That is none of your business to be honest. I understand why someone would leave that call abruptly when he is being questioned like you questioned him. If this was during work hours, that is very unprofessional.

I don't see the problem with him saying that he wouldn't be able to keep up with you. I actually feel like that's referring to sex and that at his age things like that are different. I agree with him that you should date people your age, these things he said were not bad things imo.

You should never, ever, confide in colleagues about your personal life. That is the best way to fuck up your professional life. Work is not school, those people aren't your friends and tangling personal life with work life just brings chaos like you've seen.

Never confide in colleagues, colleagues are acquaintances you talk to every day, that's it.

Regarding his lies, I don't know exactly what he said but if he lied about you that is plain awful. I'm not surprised though because you went in pretty aggressively and you didn't know the kind of person you were dealing with.

Regarding what the manager said, I'm quite shocked that management would talk like that and I have the feeling, based on how you exploded a couple of times through the story, that management's reaction could have been a mirror to how you reacted as well. You should never explode like that in a work setting, I feel like you were immature yes, or at least too overwhelmed by emotion. Management could have also been the first to explode and you reacted accordingly in that situation, I can't tell since I wasn't there. I would just say that, no matter who did it, you should always strive to remain professional at work and that is not professional.

Getting invested into someone and then things not panning out, is part of life. We can be sad and angry about it and explode about these topics but not at work, that's the one place you don't want to do that, because work is your livelihood and depending on the industry, you may stain your reputation for a long time.

I'm glad you're free of that man, he doesn't seem like a catch anyway and if he is on and off in a relationship for 20 years then probably there is something wrong with him.

I hope you can recover from this and I hope he isn't the sole reason for you wanting to ctb. It's really not worth it to ctb because of a man, especially one that lies. He will be just a dot in your life at the end of the day and you will be glad for having dodged this bullet.

 

[FireFox]

Worst of all at the office day Tom looked at me as if I was nothing and just a complete stranger. It absolutely hurt because all I ever was kind to him and genuinely cared for him. He was not just the man I loved he was my number 1 ally in the workplace and someone I saw as a friend. All I wanted was friends and to be a good employee.

In the small office room when my boss was throwing insults at me in our work meeting Tom was sitting right outside the office room. My boss had multiple office rooms to choose from because the office was not busy due to majority of staff WFH but he chose that office room to insult and humiliate me with Tom outside.

Tom was pretending to work on his phone. He had no laptop and wasn't using of the work computers. He knew 100% what was happening in that room. He was friends with our boss.

I ended up having a mental breakdown in the office because of all the humiliation and my boss constant insults and believing everything Tom without looking at the evidence.

This was my first ever full time job this is how it turned out. Mentally I don't think I will ever recover from this.

From someone who was in a similar situation (I also fell in love with an older man at my first job), there are things Tom did wrongly but I also think enyou did somethings wrongly too.

I think you went in quite aggressive on him, it feels like you were developing a friendship but you were already all in your head to date him. You even put him into a corner questioning about his personal life and why he is on and off in relationship. That is none of your business to be honest. I understand why someone would leave that call abruptly when he is being questioned like you questioned him. If this was during work hours, that is very unprofessional.

I don't see the problem with him saying that he wouldn't be able to keep up with you. I actually feel like that's referring to sex and that at his age things like that are different. I agree with him that you should date people your age, these things he said were not bad things imo.

You should never, ever, confide in colleagues about your personal life. That is the best way to fuck up your professional life. Work is not school, those people aren't your friends and tangling personal life with work life just brings chaos like you've seen.

Never confide in colleagues, colleagues are acquaintances you talk to every day, that's it.

Regarding his lies, I don't know exactly what he said but if he lied about you that is plain awful. I'm not surprised though because you went in pretty aggressively and you didn't know the kind of person you were dealing with.

Regarding what the manager said, I'm quite shocked that management would talk like that and I have the feeling, based on how you exploded a couple of times through the story, that management's reaction could have been a mirror to how you reacted as well. You should never explode like that in a work setting, I feel like you were immature yes, or at least too overwhelmed by emotion. Management could have also been the first to explode and you reacted accordingly in that situation, I can't tell since I wasn't there. I would just say that, no matter who did it, you should always strive to remain professional at work and that is not professional.

Getting invested into someone and then things not panning out, is part of life. We can be sad and angry about it and explode about these topics but not at work, that's the one place you don't want to do that, because work is your livelihood and depending on the industry, you may stain your reputation for a long time.

I'm glad you're free of that man, he doesn't seem like a catch anyway and if he is on and off in a relationship for 20 years then probably there is something wrong with him.

I hope you can recover from this and I hope he isn't the sole reason for you wanting to ctb. It's really not worth it to ctb because of a man, especially one that lies. He will be just a dot in your life at the end of the day and you will be glad for having dodged this bullet.

@ForgottenAgain I was so sick of his lying and wanted answers to what the hell was going on. I lost it when he said he was on and off with his partner for over 20 years. I have never met anyone on and off with someone for so long.

i am tired of being the rebound girl again. It's always happens to me man spllit up with girlfriend and then they take an interest in me and discard me once they get back with partner. I am just a distraction. I can't believe it has happened to again.

I have a tendacy to ask very difficult questions to find answers, I have been doing it since childhood. This is why I would like to be a prosecutor working for the Crown Prosecution Service, if my legal career works out. Luckily the job I worked in was not a law firm.

My chance of love is now officially over. I needed to meet my future husband in secondary school or university. The window is now closed for me to meet another man this is top reason why I want to die.

Every guy I meet is my last chance to meet someone

It's hard to make friends at 27 everyone else I know is now married or have kids or have a careers and just having together. Previous generations where so lucky you could meet your future husband or wife at work or in a pub or an activity today that doesn't exit anymore because everyone lives online and less people go out because it's to expensive to socialise especially in my city.

People who do socialise already have their own friendship circle and partners

The Internet and covid19 has destroyed all socialisation opportunities

He is one of the reasons I do want to kill himself because if I die all the memories I have of him and the pain he caused me will all disappear forever. I feel like this heartbreak is never ever leaving me and I am scared to go near another man as a result of him.

I am already fed of life and life isnt for me, if i started university on time the year I was supposed to start mentally I would have been fine because my life was beginning to get on track.

. If my university enrolment fails this year I am going to kill myself, being forced to defer university last year because of financial issues just made my mental health 1000x worse and put me on a path of self destruction.

I am nowhere near where I am supposed to be this is a sign life isn't for me and never was.