Venting I feel empty

[fishtan]

Recently I can't find joy in or bring myself to do anything, even the things I used to love. I just feel nothing. Even when playing games or watching shows I like I can't even enjoy it. I don't love my family and I feel nothing when I look at others.

My days feel so dull, like every day is just repeating the same cycle of loneliness and isolation. It's a struggle to simply be alive. Most of the time I just sleep all day in order to get through it. If I find comfort in sleep, will I better find comfort in death?

 

[Sutter]

Lack of consciousness has always been a respite from my most grueling moments.

I am an idiot sometimes….I may demonstrate this with the following words….tread carefully to maintain your current intelligence level.

Routine..yeah not sexy right? Hate it kinda? Yup even in complete careless mode, get up, shower, shave…well I shave, make the bed. Even when you dont care do it. Have you ever enjoyed a roller coaster ride, or walk in the woods, the first snow of winter? Tell me how those previous joys would have gone after the 50th roller coaster ride in a row, walking in the woods 9 days straight, having 22 days of straight snow. Most of life is to be taken in varied experiences but with moderation. Much like when I had first met my arch nemesis the seesaw, its a balancing act. If you want to really deeply enjoy the sleeping, might have to be awake a bit.

Burdensome deep depression that you have expressed though, most likely wouldnt be necessarily helped by the above. Although you might want your sleep more which would be a net positive.

A long sleep, a better acquaintance with death or alot of chores and cups of coffee may you find.

Never a hurt or insult meant, just an slight playful touch as death smiles too.

 

[ElVato]

Yes, depression takes away your interests and hobbies.

First, you have to remember that it is an illness, it's not just a mood; it's your brain completely exhausted from the constant clawing.

Personally, I think creating can pull you out of that cycle. It does not make the depression and shit thoughts go away, but writing, doodling and even having a monologue helps me shake the dullness. Sometimes I record my ramblings about whatever I have in mind in that moment. I grab at whatever thought I get, as stupid or shallow as it might be, because I know that, when one is in such state, our brain doesn't have that many interesting thoughts. So I just talk and talk, or doodle. Then, I get back just a little bit of energy to do something I really want to.

Again, it doesn't make depression go away, but it's a sort of forcing your brain to work a bit more. And what Sutter says is also true: set up a goal. It can be something very simple and meaningless, but when your brain realizes you accomplished something, it can give you that small push. One action leads to another and that to another and, before you know it, you are watching a documentary or reading something.

It's tedious and tiring on its own, but it's the only way I've managed to do things (not even chores) when I'm toasted.

 

[fishtan]

Yes, depression takes away your interests and hobbies.

First, you have to remember that it is an illness, it's not just a mood; it's your brain completely exhausted from the constant clawing.

Personally, I think creating can pull you out of that cycle. It does not make the depression and shit thoughts go away, but writing, doodling and even having a monologue helps me shake the dullness. Sometimes I record my ramblings about whatever I have in mind in that moment. I grab at whatever thought I get, as stupid or shallow as it might be, because I know that, when one is in such state, our brain doesn't have that many interesting thoughts. So I just talk and talk, or doodle. Then, I get back just a little bit of energy to do something I really want to.

Again, it doesn't make depression go away, but it's a sort of forcing your brain to work a bit more. And what Sutter says is also true: set up a goal. It can be something very simple and meaningless, but when your brain realizes you accomplished something, it can give you that small push. One action leads to another and that to another and, before you know it, you are watching a documentary or reading something.

It's tedious and tiring on its own, but it's the only way I've managed to do things (not even chores) when I'm toasted.

Thank you, maybe I'll try to draw again. I used to do it a lot but recently I can't bring myself to pick up the pencil.

 

[lilah]

sounds like you're emotionally burned out :(
do you feel like you can't meet expectations?