SophieMakesGames
Member
- Mar 5, 2025
- 5
whenever I talk no one hears, if i repeat myself no one hears, if I keep repeating myself maybe eventually someone hears and tells me to stop...
apparently no one ignores me they just didn't hear, hence why I repeat myself, so if they don't hear they can, but there clearly lying, I know it, they know it, so I guess it's more out of spite, because they are insisting they aren't lying, but they clearly are, BUT IF THEY AREN'T that means THIS is the correct thing to do, and as to honor there own opinion, that they are NOT lying, that is the correct thing to do, sot hey CAN hear me.
anyways, no matter what I'm said I cannot be heard or seen, unless it's something like if I complain or say something about what's happening or how I feel or how things just are but if I do that, I'm a horrible person who just wants attention and "all I ever do is complain" because less then 1% is the majority...
but that's in public spaces of course that's how it is your not supposed to really be yourself or talk lots of public spaces, those are the places where you are supposed to use a mask.
but it's the same in private spaces and with friends to, with the few I still have, they avoid, ignore, and lie to me, and if I do ever get them to give me an answer, it's that all I ever do is complain, I'm hard to handle, and that they don't hate me it's not my fault they just can't be around me...
the thing is this is how my family feels, this is how everyone I've ever met feels, this is how everyone from any online place feels, everyone irl, everyone anywhere.
and people will meet me, after one day say that obviously that's not true I'm a great person and they promise they'll be my friend forever and they won't ever leave, less then a year goes by and they refuse to ever talk to me, and eventually tell me they just can't handle me it's not my fault, I'm just to much, it's not that I'm bad. I'm just hard to handle.
and maybe I guess ignoring the problem makes it go away, and so people just ignore me, in hopes it fixes itself...
I don't know if this is true but it's certainly how it feels...
I stupidly thought things would be different, would be better, this time around, I turned 18 and for some, reason thought that'd change things, I decided to try meeting people. doing things again, and trying to make my life better, only to be shown, what I already knew before.
I'll go into detail about what that thing is in my next post, it's more organized to have it in a separate post sense it'll go into detail about everything and links into itself, vs this post which is more of a rant, vent, story, about my life.
things where fine at first, but now, I'm ignored and walekd over, I donn'y exiest anymore, no one wnats to speak to me, that's fair I supose, no one wants to see me, I don't exiest, whenever I speak, no one replys, or sees, or hears me.
my friends ignore me and never speak to me either, the few I have left, all the rest aren't my friends anymore and don't ever want to speak or see me ever again, and a lot of my friends, don't want to speak or see me...
everything I touch breaks and shatters into a trillion tiny pieces, I destroy everything, I fuck everything up, and I am the manifestation of true evilness.
I'm sorry... I know that's not enough, I know that doens't change anything, and that I am still me, but I am sorry, I never ment to hurt anyone, and I don't mean that to weasle my way out of repsonsibility, I want to be better, I've tried, I've tried my hardest, it's just the truth, and to say anything else would be me fabricating it. I don't like it, I feel like it's the worst thing ever, it's more evil for something to accidently destroy and corrupt and harm, then someone who does it out of the enjoyment...
someone who onyl wants to do good and not hurt and exiest, someone who doens't want to cause harm, doing nothing in there life but hurting, harming, and fucknig everyhting up, every single houes they step into combusts into flams, every kingdom they walk into falls to the ground, every person they meat leaves or dies, every planet they step across collapses into a black hole, this person is far worse then anyone who purposefully tries to cause harm, for harm to be caused from the very nature of the being itself, makes it a greater evil then anything to ever exiest. and I am that thing.
apparently no one ignores me they just didn't hear, hence why I repeat myself, so if they don't hear they can, but there clearly lying, I know it, they know it, so I guess it's more out of spite, because they are insisting they aren't lying, but they clearly are, BUT IF THEY AREN'T that means THIS is the correct thing to do, and as to honor there own opinion, that they are NOT lying, that is the correct thing to do, sot hey CAN hear me.
anyways, no matter what I'm said I cannot be heard or seen, unless it's something like if I complain or say something about what's happening or how I feel or how things just are but if I do that, I'm a horrible person who just wants attention and "all I ever do is complain" because less then 1% is the majority...
but that's in public spaces of course that's how it is your not supposed to really be yourself or talk lots of public spaces, those are the places where you are supposed to use a mask.
but it's the same in private spaces and with friends to, with the few I still have, they avoid, ignore, and lie to me, and if I do ever get them to give me an answer, it's that all I ever do is complain, I'm hard to handle, and that they don't hate me it's not my fault they just can't be around me...
the thing is this is how my family feels, this is how everyone I've ever met feels, this is how everyone from any online place feels, everyone irl, everyone anywhere.
and people will meet me, after one day say that obviously that's not true I'm a great person and they promise they'll be my friend forever and they won't ever leave, less then a year goes by and they refuse to ever talk to me, and eventually tell me they just can't handle me it's not my fault, I'm just to much, it's not that I'm bad. I'm just hard to handle.
and maybe I guess ignoring the problem makes it go away, and so people just ignore me, in hopes it fixes itself...
I don't know if this is true but it's certainly how it feels...
I stupidly thought things would be different, would be better, this time around, I turned 18 and for some, reason thought that'd change things, I decided to try meeting people. doing things again, and trying to make my life better, only to be shown, what I already knew before.
I'll go into detail about what that thing is in my next post, it's more organized to have it in a separate post sense it'll go into detail about everything and links into itself, vs this post which is more of a rant, vent, story, about my life.
things where fine at first, but now, I'm ignored and walekd over, I donn'y exiest anymore, no one wnats to speak to me, that's fair I supose, no one wants to see me, I don't exiest, whenever I speak, no one replys, or sees, or hears me.
my friends ignore me and never speak to me either, the few I have left, all the rest aren't my friends anymore and don't ever want to speak or see me ever again, and a lot of my friends, don't want to speak or see me...
everything I touch breaks and shatters into a trillion tiny pieces, I destroy everything, I fuck everything up, and I am the manifestation of true evilness.
I'm sorry... I know that's not enough, I know that doens't change anything, and that I am still me, but I am sorry, I never ment to hurt anyone, and I don't mean that to weasle my way out of repsonsibility, I want to be better, I've tried, I've tried my hardest, it's just the truth, and to say anything else would be me fabricating it. I don't like it, I feel like it's the worst thing ever, it's more evil for something to accidently destroy and corrupt and harm, then someone who does it out of the enjoyment...
someone who onyl wants to do good and not hurt and exiest, someone who doens't want to cause harm, doing nothing in there life but hurting, harming, and fucknig everyhting up, every single houes they step into combusts into flams, every kingdom they walk into falls to the ground, every person they meat leaves or dies, every planet they step across collapses into a black hole, this person is far worse then anyone who purposefully tries to cause harm, for harm to be caused from the very nature of the being itself, makes it a greater evil then anything to ever exiest. and I am that thing.
