Venting I feel like i'm waiting for a miracle to happen

[nonexistance]

I've been thinking about suicide almost constantly for about 6 months. I want it. I need it.
And yet I feel like I'm in a state of waiting for some quick death to happen to me automatically in the near future. Some Savior that kills me, some new invention that might provide me with a way to end it quickly.
I know this is a trick built in us - even the non-suicidal feel it. A sort of hope, of expectancy. The pessimistic philosophers have written about it. I know it's an illusion I have to fight. But how hard it is to do it! I understand the religious, although I am an atheist. This is what they feel when they wait for Jesus. And probably this is what Leonard Cohen felt when he wrote 'Waiting for the miracle to come'.
I have to break though this illusion. This can't go on much longer.

 

[Life sucks]

I can relate, waiting for a miracle to die or suicide quickly and painlessly

 

[Tiburcio]

I wish a miracle too. It would be so easy...

Seriously, why everything in life has to be so hard?

 

[Deleted member 847]

Dude how old are you? I'm 18 and I almost killed myself twice. If a kid like me can do it, you can do it too. Be pragmatic, stop thinking about nothing useful.

 

[Tiburcio]

Dude how old are you? I'm 18 and I almost killed myself twice. If a kid like me can do it, you can do it too. Be pragmatic, stop thinking about nothing useful.

You must have a lot of guts. But I assure you is not so easy. Some people like me just can't do it. It isn't as easy as wishing it.

 

[AntiLifeEric]

Death is a miracle, so let's be on with it. Nothing is being lost by us not being here, another day. "God calling you home" is just something that stupid people say to make themselves feel better. Everyday is a good day to die.

 

[Deleted member 847]

Death is a miracle, so let's be on with it. Nothing is being lost by us not being here, another day. "God calling you home" is just something that stupid people say to make themselves feel better. Everyday is a good day to die.

I really think this life is either a random worthless event or a bad joke of some evil creator. In any case, I don't want to be here anymore.

 

[AntiLifeEric]

I really think this life is either a random worthless event or a bad joke of some evil creator. In any case, I don't want to be here anymore.

 

[WakingUpFrightened]

Yes, I always see posts on Reddit or forums about people who are afraid of killing themselves but keep hoping that something will happen and they will die. This illusion seems to be very common amongst suicidal people, and I can understand why, it seems less scary for death to come out of nowhere than for you to face it yourself. Although, judging from your posts, I think it might not be your case, you might have the courage to really do it, guillotine brother!