Synfrome
"normal" "well-adjusted" member of society
- Apr 18, 2023
- 8
I thought university was going to be a big positive turning point in my life but it's worked out as almost the opposite. I broke up with my long term girlfriend just over a week in due to my attachment issues eating me alive every single day and then developed a rebound crush on my flatmate who I'm pretty sure has been leading me on. I'm getting awful sleep almost every night which stops me from keeping up with the work (not getting all my work done really stresses me out, hence I've never been properly behind until now.) I'm failing to do basic tasks like laundry on a consistent basis and I'm just horribly dysphoric every single day no matter what I do. Being autistic is making this all 10x worse.
I'm becoming convinced I can't live independently. I can't hold down a stable friendship, let alone a relationship and it makes me feel like a failure of a human being. The only goals I have I don't care about enough to achieve, not to mention they're all hobby based and useless in the real world. Realising I'll probably never heal from my trauma and my relationships with other people will be dysfunctional forever alongside failing to live independently is making me consider suicide as a serious option again. I can't fucking do this anymore.
I'm becoming convinced I can't live independently. I can't hold down a stable friendship, let alone a relationship and it makes me feel like a failure of a human being. The only goals I have I don't care about enough to achieve, not to mention they're all hobby based and useless in the real world. Realising I'll probably never heal from my trauma and my relationships with other people will be dysfunctional forever alongside failing to live independently is making me consider suicide as a serious option again. I can't fucking do this anymore.
