I feel lost

[Sprite_Geist]

I have always had difficulty forming and maintaining relationships with other people. The majority of people who I have met throughout my life so far got along with me fine, but most of them were not people who I had (or have) a strong connection to; even when I do find somebody or a small group who I "gel", or connect with really well they never stay around long enough for a friendship to form, and from my own experience it is usually because we met at the wrong place, or the wrong time; I ruminate about these awesome people from weeks, months or even years ago who I regret not reaching out to more, and I think about what "could" have been, or what "should" have been; these awful feelings are compounded by the fact that I have never met anybody else like them... this fills me with a strong feeling of regret and anxiety which turns into pain... it is torture. I think this is the reason why I became closed off years back, as I have mentioned in previous forum posts, because it is an attempt to not mentally torture myself by thinking about past failures and potential lost relationships, but this only causes me to push away others who could be a good match for me, and this makes the issue worse. The cycle continues...

I am surrounded by strangers who I have no bond with. Those who I did bond with are either no longer around, or they will leave soon due to real world circumstances. I am empty. I am lost.


What I have written above does not begin to describe what I am thinking currently, and there is also so much more I wanted to say on this topic, but I am tired and would probably write something messy.

Is there anybody else who feels or has experienced anything similar?

 

[FishRain3469]

I feel all of this Veryy much, I'm sorry you are having to deal with it also. It's DownRight fckn maddening.

Thoughts and prayers to you, take care of yourself. You're worth it. ♥

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I feel all of this Veryy much, I'm sorry you are having to deal with it also. It's DownRight fckn maddening.

Thoughts and prayers to you, take care of yourself. You're worth it. ♥

Thank you. Take care of yourself too.

 

[lost_one]

Yeah, I am a couch potatoe, I isolate myself, because getting left behind or people getting tired of me sucks I don't relate 100% because usually the reasons why people leave are more "My fault" then just random.

But have been isolation for years and I got locked in a psychiatric clinic and "Made friends" and fell for one of them, and it's getting to that part where she is getting more and more distant and I know she will be gone soon, and it hurts so much, so I think I rather just be alone. I am so good at expressing myself, as you can see.

But anyway, my point is it will hurt and it won't always work, but if it is what you want you should get out there, it will be uncomfortable, but maybe you will find some people to connect with. Good luck

 

[katara]

I have experienced this, except the best ppl I've met were online and eventually they stopped talking to me bc they had better lives then me or their life changed and they stopped talking to me.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

But have been isolation for years and I got locked in a psychiatric clinic and "Made friends" and fell for one of them, and it's getting to that part where she is getting more and more distant and I know she will be gone soon, and it hurts so much, so I think I rather just be alone. I am so good at expressing myself, as you can see.

I do not want to say that we have had the same experiences, because that would be insensitive toward you, and downplay what you have been through, but I can still relate to what you have said; being on the brink of losing somebody who you genuinely "hit it off" with can cause severe anxiety, and the pain which follows after they leave is worse.

I am not sure if your last sentence was intended to be sarcastic, but if it was not: I disagree, because you are good at expressing yourself.

But anyway, my point is it will hurt and it won't always work, but if it is what you want you should get out there, it will be uncomfortable, but maybe you will find some people to connect with. Good luck

You have a good attitude on this topic. As of recently I have been wanting to give socializing another chance; to find somebody who I share a bond with similar to the small group of close friends I had years back. It will be more difficult now compared to when I was younger, because unlike before I am hardly in any environments where I can meet potential friends such as in college or university; plus I am older, but I also still have more or less the same personality as I did when I was younger, so this will make it harder to connect to those who are either the same age as me, or younger/older. If this does not go to plan I will probably revert back to being closed off again.

Good luck to you too.

I have experienced this, except the best ppl I've met were online and eventually they stopped talking to me bc they had better lives then me or their life changed and they stopped talking to me.

I am sorry that they stopped talking to you.

As time continues every person changes to a smaller or larger extent - we develop new interests and goals, and with this can (sometimes) come a desire to find a new "tribe" to connect with. This is not always true, because some people can change and have new experiences while still staying connected with their long term friends, but in other instances the opposite is true: people can change so much to the point that they are not the same as when you met them; a close friend today can be a complete stranger tomorrow. People are ephemeral.