I feel so stupid for wanting to CTB because of my lack of job.

[Loser1989]

I love that this sub forum exists, I feel like I can be more raw here.

I need a job, I feel like something easy would help me feel like I have purpose. The main reason I want to CTB is because I NEED a job, I cannot stand the feeling of not having a purpose. I have spoken to a few users on here in the past and they've said NEETS aren't all bad, but all I want to do is move back with my parents and be loved. I hate this situation I'm in. I did it to myself, I quit my job because I had health issues, physical ones, but my mental health played a massive part, I remember being told by my manager "maybe this line of work isn't for you" and that fucked me up. Then I collapsed at work due to pain, had a hysterectomy to help but now I'm still here, coasting.

Is that all life is, just coasting? My parents constantly tell me "you're a smart girl, you can do whatever you put your mind to!" but for god sake, I have generalised anxiety disorder, major depression and ADHD, they want to test me for Autism but I have put it off. I am worthless. I cannot stress this enough, I am such a useless human being.

I had a phonecall from a local mental health team, and they have reffered me to the community mental health team because they can't help me. I have been inconsolable since...December, the start of it. I got a little better during new year but now CTB is just at the front of my mind, I have a plan. Which I of course haven't told anyone. Although I wonder if they would even section me. I don't cut deep enough for stitches but I do it, I don't drink enough that I get black out but I still do it. I feel like I do everything half assed, it feels superficial, like my whole life.

I have no friends, well thats a lie, I have 2. My housemate and a friend I made long ago. No one checks in, no one thinks "I wonder how she's doing" even my family. I ALWAYS call them.

The word vomit has helped to chill me out. The vodka has also helped. I hope you have a great year, I don't know if I can be around for it but I hope it's everything you want it to be. And you find yourself where you need to be.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You're not worthless for having mental disorders! That's not your fault! Give it time and you'll find a job if this is what you really want but give it time and don't stress yourself too much. Being a NEET isn't bad, what is a job worth if your mental health declines bc of stress in the job? I'm aware it's a quite difficult situation. I'm sorry.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Deeply relate to the diagnosis, except I'm not autistic and a lot has been manifested from deep psychological trauma. Also, you deserve to know that once pressure exists, you begin to feel like you aren't enough, but did you know this whole time, you were enough? don't listen to what society is telling us, and if you feel like you need a purpose in life, I can deeply relate and many others can attribute to that cause, as the job market bleeds people dry, as well, to make them equally as suicidal. You aren't wrong for feeling such a way and your points are valid, and if you want to approach your life that way, I say take things thoroughly and see what can be done when you find actual support who wishes to guide you and isn't your mother who is pressuring you. I was pressured into finishing my school and getting a job and it did the opposite. Job interviewers didn't want me because of my lack of confidence and I was badly injured in school because I blanked through very challenging times of living in a abusive home for too long. I thankfully got disability, but with you, I recommend striding through creating an active space for yourself until you potentially get that job, find great positive self care in securing your mental well-being for the time being, and more than anything, give yourself time until you see an opportunity, and practice scripting and affirmations. :) Trust me, you aren't doing anything halfly done, and just need to see your full potential when you are able to.

 

[tiredash]

Where are you from?
I also dont have a purpose, my life is meaningless, but having a job wouldnt help me other than give me money... And that money wouldnt help in the long run either way... Although, yes, I feel guilty and worthless for not having a job... I would feel less worthless with it

Dont take this as an attack, but if a job is all you need, it its within your reach. Maybe taking a course of something would help, if its possible.

 

[maniac116]

I don't mean to sound like an ass but you're going to kill yourself because you need a job?
Why don't you get a job if that's the issue?
Like I said, Im not trying to be an a-hole but if a job is what's needed then why not get the job you need rather than dying?
I hope you're able to work thru this without needlessly dying

 

[greebo6]

Its not stupid . Please don't feel it is/you are . Its natural and understandable because positive, useful , satisfying employment can help to give a person a sense of purpose , worth and value. You are still worthwhile because you are still the same person inside whether you work or not , but the negative effects on self esteem of permanent /long term unemployment are well documented.
I am unemployable , but would like not to be , so I know the frustration and depressing effects painfully and personally. I understand. Its not nice.
Hope it somehow gets better for you.

 

[Loser1989]

You're not worthless for having mental disorders! That's not your fault! Give it time and you'll find a job if this is what you really want but give it time and don't stress yourself too much. Being a NEET isn't bad, what is a job worth if your mental health declines bc of stress in the job? I'm aware it's a quite difficult situation. I'm sorry.

Thank you, I wish I was born different but sadly I wasn't. I do want to work but I keep applying and getting ghosted so it's really knocking my self worth. I know it sounds silly and I feel like I'm having a pity party but being a NEET is so lame for me. Again, thank you.

Where are you from?
I also dont have a purpose, my life is meaningless, but having a job wouldnt help me other than give me money... And that money wouldnt help in the long run either way... Although, yes, I feel guilty and worthless for not having a job... I would feel less worthless with it

Dont take this as an attack, but if a job is all you need, it its within your reach. Maybe taking a course of something would help, if its possible.

UK. I feel like the purpose would give me drive, if you know what I mean. Even if I earned a small amount I would feel like I had something to do.

I don't think it's an attack, honestly! I appreciate you being so forthcoming. It's not just the job, but how I feel about getting one, it's the spiral of thoughts if that makes sense.