Got it in the mail delivered by USPS in a fairly nondescript manila padded envelope that was described as containing "Concrete Hardening Accelerator" and within was a sealed silver packet brandished with a warning label stating 99.6% purity with a small "brick" of SN inside. It took about three weeks to receive (a week longer than stated it would take) and no, there wasn't a welfare check or anything involved.
To say that I am overjoyed would be an understatement and if I hadn't ate earlier in the day I would very much consider using it this minute but alas, I still have a few loose ends to tie up before I can be content with my decision to CTB coming to fruition. Apparently, according to the site it was actually delivered yesterday evening but I was far too depressed to even get myself out of bed by that stage of the day to check as I tend to sleep for prolonged periods anymore.
I am very excited to finally have a close on this joke of an existence and am more than looking forward to nothingness or whatever else shall come to pass. My life has been filled to the brim with misery at every possible intersection and I'm honestly baffled that I'm even made it to 35. Everyone I had ever given a chance took advantage of my kindness and brought me to this point and I blame myself for not wishing to stoop to their varying levels of degeneracy to cope with it all. I can CTB knowing that I was as good of a person as humanly possible and know that it wasn't my fault for being pushed to this point.
No, I was not perfect but I came remarkably close, I never purposefully hurt or took advantage of others, I was always there to give advice to those who needed it, I loved deeply and with every fiber of my being, I fulfilled every obligation and debt I had ever made/accrued, and a plethora of other things. Sure, I was guilty by association at times while younger and sometimes I chose not to get involved when I should have either out of fear or ignorance and I did lie on occasion but not without valid reasons for doing so (losing my personal agency or facing legal trouble due to such) but I can go knowing that I did the best I could weathering the storm that humanity has created and even though I will be a casualty of such due to my own volition I am content with that and can be at peace knowing I won many battles but lost the war.
Because in the end we all lose and even those who are remarkably successful in this fictitious reality will be no better off in the end and possibly far worse as there are very few innocent souls who reach the upper echelons of the society we created and are forced to adhere to or be pushed aside.
This isn't a goodbye thread by any means as I still have some time left but I can safely say that I can finally see a port up ahead after weathering a storm for decades. I find it funny how despite the journey being filled with heartache and pain I am still not wishing to go "full mast" to reach it. I guess deep down I've grown so used to suffering that it's almost became normalized to me, I can sense such being unnatural from a mile away yet I can't help but feel as though as humans we aren't natural in any sense of the word. If anything I feel as if we are aliens on our own planet and never belonged here in the first place.
I just wonder if I can hold off on using the SN for much longer, I guess you all will be the first (and only) ones to know when I finally decide to pull the trigger on it all.
To say that I am overjoyed would be an understatement and if I hadn't ate earlier in the day I would very much consider using it this minute but alas, I still have a few loose ends to tie up before I can be content with my decision to CTB coming to fruition. Apparently, according to the site it was actually delivered yesterday evening but I was far too depressed to even get myself out of bed by that stage of the day to check as I tend to sleep for prolonged periods anymore.
I am very excited to finally have a close on this joke of an existence and am more than looking forward to nothingness or whatever else shall come to pass. My life has been filled to the brim with misery at every possible intersection and I'm honestly baffled that I'm even made it to 35. Everyone I had ever given a chance took advantage of my kindness and brought me to this point and I blame myself for not wishing to stoop to their varying levels of degeneracy to cope with it all. I can CTB knowing that I was as good of a person as humanly possible and know that it wasn't my fault for being pushed to this point.
No, I was not perfect but I came remarkably close, I never purposefully hurt or took advantage of others, I was always there to give advice to those who needed it, I loved deeply and with every fiber of my being, I fulfilled every obligation and debt I had ever made/accrued, and a plethora of other things. Sure, I was guilty by association at times while younger and sometimes I chose not to get involved when I should have either out of fear or ignorance and I did lie on occasion but not without valid reasons for doing so (losing my personal agency or facing legal trouble due to such) but I can go knowing that I did the best I could weathering the storm that humanity has created and even though I will be a casualty of such due to my own volition I am content with that and can be at peace knowing I won many battles but lost the war.
Because in the end we all lose and even those who are remarkably successful in this fictitious reality will be no better off in the end and possibly far worse as there are very few innocent souls who reach the upper echelons of the society we created and are forced to adhere to or be pushed aside.
This isn't a goodbye thread by any means as I still have some time left but I can safely say that I can finally see a port up ahead after weathering a storm for decades. I find it funny how despite the journey being filled with heartache and pain I am still not wishing to go "full mast" to reach it. I guess deep down I've grown so used to suffering that it's almost became normalized to me, I can sense such being unnatural from a mile away yet I can't help but feel as though as humans we aren't natural in any sense of the word. If anything I feel as if we are aliens on our own planet and never belonged here in the first place.
I just wonder if I can hold off on using the SN for much longer, I guess you all will be the first (and only) ones to know when I finally decide to pull the trigger on it all.
