T
Trulylost
Kinda of in, kind of out. Mostly lost
- Dec 9, 2019
- 13
I found my best friend hanging about 9 months ago. Ever since, I have these incredibly awful dreams. Following his suicide, I was harassed physically and threatened by his family blaming me for his actions. With that, came my paranoia. In most of my dreams, his family comes and tries to kill me. For example, his mother would come and make me shoot my child then have me turn the gun on myself. It haunts me on a daily on top of obsessing over details of my friends suicide. This feeds my desire to want to "disappear" but i know its something i can't do. There are so many factors that play in my desire for this. I'm already in therapy but everytime i talk about my friend my therapist redirects my thoughts elsewhere because she says I'm not ready to "relive" that moment in order to reprogram my brain from that trauma. I just feel like I'm going insane. Who knew my anxiety and depression was once someone else's. I should add, I support his decision. He was suffering and had many issues nobody could fix. But the human and caring person in me Misses him so incredibly much that it hurts to continue without him. It was so sad to see him hurting and I wish he saw what I saw in him.