Venting I get so upset when people want to ctb over love

[cvury]

I get so angry when people complain about relationships and that's the reason they are suicidal. At least you got to experience love, meanwhile I am 19 years old and still a virgin, never even held hands or kissed a girl once. And it's so hard, having no friends or support structure, and then see people with dozens in their corner trying to support them throughout the way but they just aren't having it. Why can't you be grateful? You have everything and I have nothing. You felt love be grateful, I go to sleep every night crying alone, no one to hold and tell me everything is gonna be ok. It's not fair, I just want to know what it's like to love someone and be loved back just once. Is that so much to ask for?

 

[moonmuse]

people who have everything in life they will never ever be happy let them cry dude those are the real losers in life not us

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Don't worry anime pfp #421, being a virgin at 19 is normal.

 

[GoSan1]

I get that strongly, 23 years old with not a single girl showing any interest in me. No talking stage, or anything else. Never had it. So I get that loneliness. I wish I could say you will find one soon, but that is all up to luck. That, or you change, which pisses me off so much. Change that, do that, why do I have to change myself for love, when I already have to change everything about myself for my job and family? It's sickening.

But I do also get their POV. They found love, maybe even true and pure love, which then suddenly disappears. They had what we wished for; they wanted to keep it, but they lost it anyway, and now they are full of despair. Maybe they were in our shoes, finally found one, and it ended? So now they are just as lonely again?

Either way, I understand both sides. Loneliness is cruel; life is even more.

 

[Michelstaedter]

I think your idea isn't entirely objective, because even though I felt the same way you did (I hated those who wanted to die even though they had friends, a girlfriend, and money), I think that deep down, the CTB is for everyone, because behind "everything we have," there's actually a lot of fragility.

I've never had a girlfriend. I've kissed, held hands with a girl, but not had sex, been a confidant, or anything, beyond very distant approximations of being a girl's boyfriend. Consequently, I can think of those who want to die even though they have girlfriends, friends. I don't blame them. Life is a piece of shit, it's just that they have all that and I don't, but the essence remains the same.

 

[cvury]

I get that strongly, 23 years old with not a single girl showing any interest in me. No talking stage, or anything else. Never had it. So I get that loneliness. I wish I could say you will find one soon, but that is all up to luck. That, or you change, which pisses me off so much. Change that, do that, why do I have to change myself for love, when I already have to change everything about myself for my job and family? It's sickening.

But I do also get their POV. They found love, maybe even true and pure love, which then suddenly disappears. They had what we wished for; they wanted to keep it, but they lost it anyway, and now they are full of despair. Maybe they were in our shoes, finally found one, and it ended? So now they are just as lonely again?

Either way, I understand both sides. Loneliness is cruel; life is even more.

Wow I never thought of it like that…

 

[GoSan1]

Wow I never thought of it like that…

Yeah, it does irritate me as well sometimes, but everyone's reasons are valid and to them, must be their own personal hell...

either way, if you wanna vent, im here to listen

 

[MyShadow]

I get so angry when people complain about relationships and that's the reason they are suicidal. At least you got to experience love, meanwhile I am 19 years old and still a virgin, never even held hands or kissed a girl once. And it's so hard, having no friends or support structure, and then see people with dozens in their corner trying to support them throughout the way but they just aren't having it. Why can't you be grateful? You have everything and I have nothing. You felt love be grateful, I go to sleep every night crying alone, no one to hold and tell me everything is gonna be ok. It's not fair, I just want to know what it's like to love someone and be loved back just once. Is that so much to ask for?

I am not considering suicide because of the loss of my relationship. I think that it's more about mourning over just what "love" has become.

Sadly, the reality of what you would consider love falls painfully short of expectation. Relationships have become transactional, and that transaction is rarely in your favor. Your so-called "partner" will discard or throw you under the bus the moment the relationship requires any effort, yet they will demand that you remain loyal and be there for them when they face pain or hardship. But when you need them to be there for you, they will discard and replace you in a short time.

I mean, why not? There are dozens of dating sites and when you can order a person as easily as ordering a pizza, why bother with silly things like loyalty, empathy, trust or partnership?

I am sad that you have not experienced love yet but be prepared to have the reality of love and relationships slap you hard. Try to keep an open mind but also don't ignore the red flags. People have become cold and sometimes heartless and it's sad. People like us give so much and sadly there are people who take and take, then run away with everything you gave them, leaving you with nothing but a broken heart.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

People don't love you automatically and that love isn't what you think it is; first and foremost, most people are together for shallow reasons, you have an infantilized idea of romantic love. Parental love is all over the place and another reason of why no one should have a kid. Friendship love and appreciation is also shallow and fake and exceptions to these examples do not make them less true.

Also why would being loved mean that you have everything? that sounds awful, so many people to deal with, people who like me for shallow reasons, who would never understand me, I hate lies and liars. I know many people who are in love right now, have families, a house and a kid! and I'd choose death over taking their place, I know some of the inner machinations of these relationships, I know my parents the best and guess what they both are shitty parents and they cheated on eachother like crazy for "love".

And also you can be suicidal for any reason, suicidal doesn't mean you suddenly become an enlightened human that attempts to transcends humanity and sees the flaws of it; even that description has my own bias of what I'd wish suicidal people were and guess what, most people here aren't that and I won't tell them they are lesser than for feeling suicidal. Even if it's for love which I care 0% about and has hurt me because of my parents.

 

[Liebestod]

Life is suffering so everyone has a reason to ctb, I'm also a 19 year old kissless virgin and yeah missing out on crucial development milestones does impact you however I still think ctb is for everyone even those with "better lives". Suffering is inherent and relative in life so I think everyone should have the right to ctb especially since no once consents to life.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

People in relationships have plenty of issues too, but I don't think anything quite matches the depths of despair of a whole lifetime of never ending loneliness.

I kind of distract myself successfully sometimes, but it's deeply depressing to see other people experiencing love, especially in cases where they're clearly not good people and so from a rational point of view they're less deserving of love and success than many of those of us who never experience it. Even seeing happy couples who are good people reminds me of my utter failure and unhappiness

 

[cvury]

People in relationships have plenty of issues too, but I don't think anything quite matches the depths of despair of a whole lifetime of never ending loneliness.

I kind of distract myself successfully sometimes, but it's deeply depressing to see other people experiencing love, especially in cases where they're clearly not good people and so from a rational point of view they're less deserving of love and success than many of those of us who never experience it. Even seeing happy couples who are good people reminds me of my utter failure and unhappiness

Yeah that is true, I have completely check out with being social anymore since all being around people has done is brought me pain. I plan to get my CDL and do OTR trucking so I can be by myself.

 

[Forveleth]

This sounds like you are jealous of some made-up, ideal life. Losing your virginity is not some prize or badge of pride, it is just a state of existence. Who cares of you are a virgin? You are only 19 and talking like your life is over. You have plenty of time to find love, and I mean real love, not a teenage fling. I cringe thinking about the relationships I had had by age 19. Shallow, gross teenage stupidity. I did not have my first "real" relationship until my mid 20's. Even then, I did not really figure out how to understand a partner until my 30s.

Also having felt love does not mean you are any happier. I have friends and family, I am married. I also cry myself to sleep alone, wishing I had someone to hold me. Yes, I have felt love but it means nothing as I do not have love in my life now.

Try not to compare yourself for everyone else. Left your life follow its own path.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Also having felt love does not mean you are any happier. I have friends and family, I am married. I also cry myself to sleep alone, wishing I had someone to hold me. Yes, I have felt love but it means nothing as I do not have love in my life now.

Sorry but I'm not buying that. You're suffering now but at least you experienced love and life. You made memories too, perhaps they're bittersweet now but they at least exist.

People who are forever alone have nothing. Just completely meaningless and empty lives, no memories from the past, nothing in the present and nothing to look forward too in the future. Total emptiness as if they never even existed or started their lives. If we died it would be as if nothing even really changed.

 

[pomie]

Sorry but I'm not buying that. You're suffering now but at least you experienced love and life. You made memories too, perhaps they're bittersweet now but they at least exist.

People who are forever alone have nothing. Just completely meaningless and empty lives, no memories from the past, nothing in the present and nothing to look forward too in the future. Total emptiness as if they never even existed or started their lives. If we died it would be as if nothing even really changed.

i dont think the fact that they experienced it once makes them feel better about not having one now. Theres being depressed over something you simply cant have and mourning over something you had but lost. Nice memories will become painful to remember, thinking 'I had this once, why cant it be like this again?' youd have to experience it once to know

Both is painful in different ways. Just because I had ice cream a year ago wont make me feel better that i dont have ice cream now. Bad example but thats how i see it.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

i dont think the fact that they experienced it once makes them feel better about not having one now. Theres being depressed over something you simply cant have and mourning over something you had but lost. Nice memories will become painful to remember, thinking 'I had this once, why cant it be like this again?' youd have to experience it once to know

Both is painful in different ways. Just because I had ice cream a year ago wont make me feel better that i dont have ice cream now. Bad example but thats how i see it.

Forever alone people don't even have a spoon to eat ice cream with though. I don't think you quite understand the utterly empty feeling plus the depression of endless rejection and failure.

I'd be motivated to try a bit harder at romance and life if someone just said "yes" once in my life, even if it didn't work out after the first date. In fact I don't even know what a date is.

Endless rejection makes me feel completely worthless, if I could experience love once then it would prove that it's possible and I might even find it again. Right now my mindset might as well be that relationships don't even exist.

 

[pomie]

Forever alone people don't even have a spoon to eat ice cream with though. I don't think you quite understand the utterly empty feeling plus the depression of endless rejection and failure.

I'd be motivated to try a bit harder at romance and life if someone just said "yes" once in my life, even if it didn't work out after the first date. In fact I don't even know what a date is.

Endless rejection makes me feel completely worthless, if I could experience love once then it would prove that it's possible and I might even find it again. Right now my mindset might as well be that relationships don't even exist.

sometimes you have to be your own spoon first. at one point you might realize the only person in life whos been with you all along is yourself, and that approval of others doesnt make you worth more or less as a human. I think we are all worth little. I'm 24 and i havent even held hands with someone, so id like to think i somewhat understand. But I guess i can understand where youre coming from, when you express wanting to just know if love even exists, no matter how long it lasts. Didnt really think of that.

 

[Off_Switch]

At least you spared yourself the grief of being mind-fucked or cheated on. Which seems like it has a 99% probability of happening these days.

 

[cvury]

sometimes you have to be your own spoon first. at one point you might realize the only person in life whos been with you all along is yourself, and that approval of others doesnt make you worth more or less as a human. I think we are all worth little. I'm 24 and i havent even held hands with someone, so id like to think i somewhat understand. But I guess i can understand where youre coming from, when you express wanting to just know if love even exists, no matter how long it lasts. Didnt really think of that.

sometimes you can't even be your own spoon, whether it's because you're neurodivergent or conventionally unattractive, there is nothing you can do. You will always be casted to the side. When you try and try, and you've been faced with constant adversities and negative reinforcement, there is no hope. If all you've faced in life is no no no, then sometimes you just have sit on your behind and be a bitch and give up. I've given up. It isn't about approval from others.

 

[Wrath]

I've totally given up too and I'm almost 20. I can't even make friends or go outside properly irl. Most of my biggest memories have actually been daydreams.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm probably much older than everyone here (I'm from Indonesia). I want to ask you this: If I've had been in four relationships in the past back when I was younger, but now I've been single since 2022, and still feel alone, and yes, also (very) jealous & envious of all those 'happy couples / happy relationships / happy marriages / happy people', & it even made me more depressed & suicidal, now tell me, is that a 'valid' reason enough for ctb? or not?

This is why 'suicide' is subjective, for each person/individual. It varies from each person to another person, and the 'spectrum' also range widely.

I mean, yeah sure, objectively speaking though, I personally think that there is a 'degree/level of pain & suffering" in life, eg: "Some other people have it a lot much worse than me". Some people suffer so much & even constantly everyday, & have been in a sheer unimaginable 'level' of pain & sufferings all their lives. But, the fact still remains that literally *anyone/anybody* can ctb (commit suicide / killed themselves), because that's also part of what being 'human' is. No matter how 'hard' or 'easy', how 'strong' or 'weak', how 'privileged' or not, how 'have it all' or not you are / a person is.

 

[discman19999]

I think you don't know how much harder it can be once you experienced all and then lost all. When you never deeply loved someone and they loved you back, you don't know what you are really missing.
I was together with my ex wife for 18 years, we have 2 kids, I had a great job my life was perfect really. Then suddenly she broke up, she no longer felt she is loving me, I am more like a friend now. I have to move out, see my kids only on 2nd weekend, and I know they don't like to see me anymore because it's getting rare. Due to all the stress I lost my interest for my job because I am grieving 24/7.
I had my perfect live partner, It was the love of my life. I physically changed completely from when I met her, got bald, I am too short for today's standard and she really ripped my heart out so much, that I won't love anyone anymore.

I would argue this is equally bad or worse than never experience love at all especially at 19, when I consider I got in a relationship first with 20 so maybe reconsider, we all have reasons to ctb.

 

[selfishmachine]

i wish i never experienced love

 

[pomie]

sometimes you can't even be your own spoon, whether it's because you're neurodivergent or conventionally unattractive, there is nothing you can do. You will always be casted to the side. When you try and try, and you've been faced with constant adversities and negative reinforcement, there is no hope. If all you've faced in life is no no no, then sometimes you just have sit on your behind and be a bitch and give up. I've given up. It isn't about approval from others.

in a way, giving up is being your own spoon. Youre stuck with yourself whether you like it or not, is how i see it. Not caring anymore, or giving up, in the end, its always you, youve been there the entire time. This probably makes no sense lol i cant express myself at all

 

[cvury]

in a way, giving up is being your own spoon. Youre stuck with yourself whether you like it or not, is how i see it. Not caring anymore, or giving up, in the end, its always you, youve been there the entire time. This probably makes no sense lol i cant express myself at all

No i think i understand, in the end everyone leaves you, people move on. I've always wanted a lifelong friend but have never had one. I don't talk to my friends from elementary school, middle school, or high school, and now I have nobody again because there's nowhere to even meet people. I'm starting a job literally today so hopefully that goes well, I've been a NEET since i graduated high school.

 

[pomie]

No i think i understand, in the end everyone leaves you, people move on. I've always wanted a lifelong friend but have never had one. I don't talk to my friends from elementary school, middle school, or high school, and now I have nobody again because there's nowhere to even meet people. I'm starting a job literally today so hopefully that goes well, I've been a NEET since i graduated high school.

i hope its a good job thats not bringing you down further. maybe this is the start of something good c:

 

[Kari0499]

I get so angry when people complain about relationships and that's the reason they are suicidal. At least you got to experience love, meanwhile I am 19 years old and still a virgin, never even held hands or kissed a girl once. And it's so hard, having no friends or support structure, and then see people with dozens in their corner trying to support them throughout the way but they just aren't having it. Why can't you be grateful? You have everything and I have nothing. You felt love be grateful, I go to sleep every night crying alone, no one to hold and tell me everything is gonna be ok. It's not fair, I just want to know what it's like to love someone and be loved back just once. Is that so much to ask for?

I only have a semi toxic mother who supports me financially. I have no friends. No one IRL or online. Not human enough for love...

I try to reach out to make them feel seen. Fucking no one does that for me.

Not human enough. No one understands. No one wanted to comfort genuinely. Why did I comfort others when no one does for me? Why was I taught to be kind and nice when literally no one cares about being kind or gentle or anything.

Why do I scream so much when literally no one responds. Not human enough?

I'm going to implode. No one will see. Wanted me to shut up and implode alone. Not human enough in a faker's world.

 

[marksofdespair]

I get so angry when people complain about relationships and that's the reason they are suicidal. At least you got to experience love, meanwhile I am 19 years old and still a virgin, never even held hands or kissed a girl once. And it's so hard, having no friends or support structure, and then see people with dozens in their corner trying to support them throughout the way but they just aren't having it. Why can't you be grateful? You have everything and I have nothing. You felt love be grateful, I go to sleep every night crying alone, no one to hold and tell me everything is gonna be ok. It's not fair, I just want to know what it's like to love someone and be loved back just once. Is that so much to ask for?

To me... saying you want to kill yourself just because you never had sex or kissed a girl at 19 is way worse than wanting to kill yourself because your relationship is falling apart, and the only person who loved you is leaving. Being a "kissless virgin" shouldn't be the sole reason you want to commit suicide.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

To me... saying you want to kill yourself just because you never had sex or kissed a girl at 19 is way worse than wanting to kill yourself because your relationship is falling apart, and the only person who loved you is leaving. Being a "kissless virgin" shouldn't be the sole reason you want to commit suicide.

Maybe it depends how much they tried.

Like if only a few girls rejected you then there's a reasonable chance someone will say yes in future. On the other hand, constant rejection and failure over a longer period without even the slightest hint of success is unimaginably depressing. Life does seem a bit pointless spent completely alone forever.

 

[huifu]

why do these posts seem like a competition about who's suffering the most, who's grieving the most
anyone can ctb, anyone can have suicide fantasies and depression because we're all different, we all have different experiences and no one, absolutely no one really knows what we go through day by day. so instead of getting angry at other suicidal people and comparing your situation and explaining why your situation is worse, maybe you should understand that their pain is valid and they're masking something deeper, maybe they broke up from an abusive relationship, maybe their partner was all they had in life, maybe they don't feel happiness outside of their relationship, maybe it was the last straw in an already horrible life.