Sayoki
New Member
- May 11, 2024
- 1
Now it's 2025, last year is a really unusual year for me.
I had a long-time depression(or BPD, both are not identified because of hide my self and they're too expensive in money to identity) for years, in the beginning of the year, I got myself lost and I lost my lover, which has more serious problems, such like identified depression, ASPD and Schizophrenia. Reflected by some people who already gone but when they're alive, they reminds me to be a angel, to help others up and inherit their power though they're not in this world. That person i loved before is what i tried to help, in my view before and for now, the best way to treat someone is to be close and try to give him/her love. But at that moment when we leave and leave, there will always a END waiting us, a dot or period still leaves on the stories I with him.
The method that lost my lovers had passed a few months in the beginning of the year, I still cannot take my way out that thing. I finally have a chance to kill myself that nobody really cares a angel who breaks wings. I prepared Sodium Nitrite and made them to be enteric coated pills every day. When there's a really chance to eat them, I would eat them all. Actually, when I rest in noon one day, I did that and post a story in Telegram. Firstly i don't eat anything, but some of my "friends" started to willing to call the police, so I got annoyed that they pushed me to a deeper messed up situation(None of my family knows my mental disease, now they may knows a bit). The real reason got myself to death is call the police, otherwise i may not eat them(Promethazine Hydrochloride and Sodium Nitrite) all. Then I told my father on call that I got ill and ask him to request a rest(I'm in China, requesting for leave is needed, I'm in home in noon, but in the afternoon i must go to school). After just few minutes, I vomited a lot pink liquids and shattered pills. Then i got a bit asphyxia because of vomiting, but a bottle of water helps me out that. My dad had a phone call to me again and ask me what's happened, some people told him I will suicide(So you knows, some people i trusted doxing me, though i had a good security thoughs), i told him they're cheating, i just sleeping, don't worry. After a hour, Polices were coming and knocking on my locked door, saying that they will break the door if i don't open. On that time i noticed that some people doxed me, got my address(In China, got someone's database is really easy, just money), and call the police. I said them i need to wear my clothes up(Actually i worn), and rapidly clean the pills to the rabbish bin, makes there's nothing leave on. Police just come in my "room"(I have no personal room,that's my father's room, my PC locates here too.) asked me what happened after opened door, i lied to them it's just i said some disactive messages on the internet, and they gone. Polices weren't hard to get going, haha. One of my friend still contact with me, and he said he had drink some Sodium Nitrite and if I don't to wash my stomach, he won't too. He adds that wash stomach is not expensive, about less than 100 RMB(~8-15$), I don't want to got someone dead because of myself, so I called a car to take me to the hospital.
China's hospital are really highly corruption, I cannot got any treat before my family comes(I'm over 18), and I got injected a high amount of sedative after or in-mid of washes the stomach. Because of I made Sodium Nitrite pills in days, not once, Deterioration of it saved my life, no Methylene blue are used but it costs about 1000$ and about a week to take me out of the hospitall, for bigs and smalls examine(and there's no result to search, just costs money), included HIV or blood type test, WTF.
After out hospital, I got fully recovered because of nothing really hurts me, and I knows that the relationship from my father to mother are fixed some. Before this, my mom goes to my home just one or two times a year.(They divorce) I realized that some of relationships, just like my family, they just have no chance or way to care about me, now there's a way to.
I became open after the suicide, i tried to not care everything too much, just like my examination to the colleage or my relationship. I turned to contact my old friends and they treated me great. One of them are my lover for now, and he is the first one who makes a love-story with me in my early ages. It's about a 5 or 6 years relationship, breaked and connected, i think?
Although there's still a long effects just like PTSD after be doxed, or lifes are still not easy-going, I'm meeting money issues, my lover is different with some habits and lazy to work, next month I need to pay about $1000 to afford six month of renting house, but I have a few months no money in, I still trust that the life in my timeline is become a bit better now.
The story not ends for me, but it's end for you readers. Thanks for reading, i'm not a native speaker so sorry for my English aren't fast-forward readable. China is a really bad place to stay alive, keep personality and personal information safety. I hopes there's one day i will get to the freedom country, Maybe I will light myself up with my abilities and become happy.
Additional Informations:
- I'm Pansexuality, so genders in the top are not important.
- China is issuing economic downturn, political problems are lasting some years, realy hard to survive if you don't have a good background. The world here is dark for anyone, or most people.
- I have no money to identify myself so I learnt medicial by wiki and tests to identify myself in my way, not hospital.
- Family members and hospital are still not noticed that I got any mental diseases, they just think that's a sudden-event, just like kids angry.
- More situations are not decleared clearly in my story, because it's too long to speak.
Easter eggs (I'm lack of money, so these are not latest, but it's early in 2023 and late in 2024!):
The way i recovered myself is love and explore, not jailed myself and care too much. I'm still doing it.
I hope everyone who needs help will got their own angel, what's better than meet a own angel not in heaven but in life?
Now i goes offtopic, hope there's same for you.
All of you, best wishes
Sayoki Yukina
I had a long-time depression(or BPD, both are not identified because of hide my self and they're too expensive in money to identity) for years, in the beginning of the year, I got myself lost and I lost my lover, which has more serious problems, such like identified depression, ASPD and Schizophrenia. Reflected by some people who already gone but when they're alive, they reminds me to be a angel, to help others up and inherit their power though they're not in this world. That person i loved before is what i tried to help, in my view before and for now, the best way to treat someone is to be close and try to give him/her love. But at that moment when we leave and leave, there will always a END waiting us, a dot or period still leaves on the stories I with him.
The method that lost my lovers had passed a few months in the beginning of the year, I still cannot take my way out that thing. I finally have a chance to kill myself that nobody really cares a angel who breaks wings. I prepared Sodium Nitrite and made them to be enteric coated pills every day. When there's a really chance to eat them, I would eat them all. Actually, when I rest in noon one day, I did that and post a story in Telegram. Firstly i don't eat anything, but some of my "friends" started to willing to call the police, so I got annoyed that they pushed me to a deeper messed up situation(None of my family knows my mental disease, now they may knows a bit). The real reason got myself to death is call the police, otherwise i may not eat them(Promethazine Hydrochloride and Sodium Nitrite) all. Then I told my father on call that I got ill and ask him to request a rest(I'm in China, requesting for leave is needed, I'm in home in noon, but in the afternoon i must go to school). After just few minutes, I vomited a lot pink liquids and shattered pills. Then i got a bit asphyxia because of vomiting, but a bottle of water helps me out that. My dad had a phone call to me again and ask me what's happened, some people told him I will suicide(So you knows, some people i trusted doxing me, though i had a good security thoughs), i told him they're cheating, i just sleeping, don't worry. After a hour, Polices were coming and knocking on my locked door, saying that they will break the door if i don't open. On that time i noticed that some people doxed me, got my address(In China, got someone's database is really easy, just money), and call the police. I said them i need to wear my clothes up(Actually i worn), and rapidly clean the pills to the rabbish bin, makes there's nothing leave on. Police just come in my "room"(I have no personal room,that's my father's room, my PC locates here too.) asked me what happened after opened door, i lied to them it's just i said some disactive messages on the internet, and they gone. Polices weren't hard to get going, haha. One of my friend still contact with me, and he said he had drink some Sodium Nitrite and if I don't to wash my stomach, he won't too. He adds that wash stomach is not expensive, about less than 100 RMB(~8-15$), I don't want to got someone dead because of myself, so I called a car to take me to the hospital.
China's hospital are really highly corruption, I cannot got any treat before my family comes(I'm over 18), and I got injected a high amount of sedative after or in-mid of washes the stomach. Because of I made Sodium Nitrite pills in days, not once, Deterioration of it saved my life, no Methylene blue are used but it costs about 1000$ and about a week to take me out of the hospitall, for bigs and smalls examine(and there's no result to search, just costs money), included HIV or blood type test, WTF.
After out hospital, I got fully recovered because of nothing really hurts me, and I knows that the relationship from my father to mother are fixed some. Before this, my mom goes to my home just one or two times a year.(They divorce) I realized that some of relationships, just like my family, they just have no chance or way to care about me, now there's a way to.
I became open after the suicide, i tried to not care everything too much, just like my examination to the colleage or my relationship. I turned to contact my old friends and they treated me great. One of them are my lover for now, and he is the first one who makes a love-story with me in my early ages. It's about a 5 or 6 years relationship, breaked and connected, i think?
Although there's still a long effects just like PTSD after be doxed, or lifes are still not easy-going, I'm meeting money issues, my lover is different with some habits and lazy to work, next month I need to pay about $1000 to afford six month of renting house, but I have a few months no money in, I still trust that the life in my timeline is become a bit better now.
The story not ends for me, but it's end for you readers. Thanks for reading, i'm not a native speaker so sorry for my English aren't fast-forward readable. China is a really bad place to stay alive, keep personality and personal information safety. I hopes there's one day i will get to the freedom country, Maybe I will light myself up with my abilities and become happy.
Additional Informations:
- I'm Pansexuality, so genders in the top are not important.
- China is issuing economic downturn, political problems are lasting some years, realy hard to survive if you don't have a good background. The world here is dark for anyone, or most people.
- I have no money to identify myself so I learnt medicial by wiki and tests to identify myself in my way, not hospital.
- Family members and hospital are still not noticed that I got any mental diseases, they just think that's a sudden-event, just like kids angry.
- More situations are not decleared clearly in my story, because it's too long to speak.
Easter eggs (I'm lack of money, so these are not latest, but it's early in 2023 and late in 2024!):
The way i recovered myself is love and explore, not jailed myself and care too much. I'm still doing it.
I hope everyone who needs help will got their own angel, what's better than meet a own angel not in heaven but in life?
Now i goes offtopic, hope there's same for you.
All of you, best wishes
Sayoki Yukina
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