athousandsorrows
Member
- Jul 5, 2018
- 70
I'm kind of using this forum as a sort of diary for myself with some of my posts and I apologize if that's wrong, but I think I'm not the only one who does it.
After I started taking meds my dreams became either nightmares or non-existent. I know, we all dream, every night, all the time, and we just don't remember, but I used to be able to remember my dreams pretty well, and it was my favorite thing of sleeping, dreaming. I would discuss my dreams with my therapist and I liked figuring out what they might mean. Once I started the meds it was all nightmares or no dreams at all. I would either wake up rested, or wake up feeling literally like I'd been out partying all night and was going through the worst hangover. It's one of the things I hated the most about taking pills, them taking away my ability to remember my dreams.
Anyway, I stopped my meds about 6 months ago and I was really hoping that ability would come back. It seemed like a lost cause. I've been going to bed listening to a bunch of subliminal audios and hypnosis sessions to help me feel better with little to no success so far. Since I no longer live alone I have a set time I have to wake up, just to make the other people living in the house feel better, I guess. Beats me why my waking up at a certain time helps them or hurts them in any way, but not my house, so I have to follow rules.
I had a dream last night. It wasn't a particularly fantastic dream, but it wasn't a nightmare either. I dreamed I was kind of judging over some kind of contest, like the Olympics, but for English students. I used to be an English teacher, it was my second to last job. Anyway, I was on the panel of teachers/judges and next to me was this girl that looked a lot like Melissa McCarthy (LOL) and she was kind of like my friend there, and was trying to tell me what to do because I was absolutely lost and had no idea what to do.
I became desperate and frustrated because I had this huge folder in front of me with the rules for the contest and I just hadn't seen them before, hadn't studied them, and there we were on the "big day" and I didn't know what to do. So, I left the panel and ran through what I think was a campus, looking for a cigarette to help calm me down and figure things out. I found this particularly strange, because although I am a heavy smoker and have been for over 16 years, I had never dreamt about smoking before, ever.
Then the dream sort of shifted into a party, this huge HUGE party being held on that campus setting, and I knew nobody, but felt like I knew everybody there. Before I became this sack of nothingness, I used to be very social, but the truth is I always say I was good at faking it because I didn't really enjoy it. The whole reason I went out to parties in the first place was to get hammered and forget about my existence, potentially do some crazy thing, self-destruct mode.
I felt good at that party, like I belonged, and was being paid attention to. But, the same thing happened as in the previous setting. I became stressed, looking for something or someone but I don't remember what or who, and so I started going around asking to bum a cig. Again, super strange, not only because I never dream about smoking but because in real life that would never happen to me. I'm the person that gets asked for cigs, not the other way around. I am never caught off guard like that.
I woke up when the alarm sounded, which I absolutely hated. I turned off the alarm and forced myself to go back to sleep just because I wanted to go back to the dream. Like I said, it wasn't a good dream at all, it wasn't a nightmare either. It just felt normal up until the point where I got desperate and started to want to smoke. So odd. I had no success, slept an extra 2 hours, nobody came to wake me up, but I'm sure I'll hear about it later.
If I could only figure out what the cigarettes represent, I'm sure it's not just that I wanted to smoke. I've been smoking heavily for ages and I'd never dreamt about smoking. I keep looking for something or someone in my dreams and I always wake up before I find it. I guess it's my will to live, or my true passion. Who knows?
Thanks for letting me vent.
After I started taking meds my dreams became either nightmares or non-existent. I know, we all dream, every night, all the time, and we just don't remember, but I used to be able to remember my dreams pretty well, and it was my favorite thing of sleeping, dreaming. I would discuss my dreams with my therapist and I liked figuring out what they might mean. Once I started the meds it was all nightmares or no dreams at all. I would either wake up rested, or wake up feeling literally like I'd been out partying all night and was going through the worst hangover. It's one of the things I hated the most about taking pills, them taking away my ability to remember my dreams.
Anyway, I stopped my meds about 6 months ago and I was really hoping that ability would come back. It seemed like a lost cause. I've been going to bed listening to a bunch of subliminal audios and hypnosis sessions to help me feel better with little to no success so far. Since I no longer live alone I have a set time I have to wake up, just to make the other people living in the house feel better, I guess. Beats me why my waking up at a certain time helps them or hurts them in any way, but not my house, so I have to follow rules.
I had a dream last night. It wasn't a particularly fantastic dream, but it wasn't a nightmare either. I dreamed I was kind of judging over some kind of contest, like the Olympics, but for English students. I used to be an English teacher, it was my second to last job. Anyway, I was on the panel of teachers/judges and next to me was this girl that looked a lot like Melissa McCarthy (LOL) and she was kind of like my friend there, and was trying to tell me what to do because I was absolutely lost and had no idea what to do.
I became desperate and frustrated because I had this huge folder in front of me with the rules for the contest and I just hadn't seen them before, hadn't studied them, and there we were on the "big day" and I didn't know what to do. So, I left the panel and ran through what I think was a campus, looking for a cigarette to help calm me down and figure things out. I found this particularly strange, because although I am a heavy smoker and have been for over 16 years, I had never dreamt about smoking before, ever.
Then the dream sort of shifted into a party, this huge HUGE party being held on that campus setting, and I knew nobody, but felt like I knew everybody there. Before I became this sack of nothingness, I used to be very social, but the truth is I always say I was good at faking it because I didn't really enjoy it. The whole reason I went out to parties in the first place was to get hammered and forget about my existence, potentially do some crazy thing, self-destruct mode.
I felt good at that party, like I belonged, and was being paid attention to. But, the same thing happened as in the previous setting. I became stressed, looking for something or someone but I don't remember what or who, and so I started going around asking to bum a cig. Again, super strange, not only because I never dream about smoking but because in real life that would never happen to me. I'm the person that gets asked for cigs, not the other way around. I am never caught off guard like that.
I woke up when the alarm sounded, which I absolutely hated. I turned off the alarm and forced myself to go back to sleep just because I wanted to go back to the dream. Like I said, it wasn't a good dream at all, it wasn't a nightmare either. It just felt normal up until the point where I got desperate and started to want to smoke. So odd. I had no success, slept an extra 2 hours, nobody came to wake me up, but I'm sure I'll hear about it later.
If I could only figure out what the cigarettes represent, I'm sure it's not just that I wanted to smoke. I've been smoking heavily for ages and I'd never dreamt about smoking. I keep looking for something or someone in my dreams and I always wake up before I find it. I guess it's my will to live, or my true passion. Who knows?
Thanks for letting me vent.
