Venting I hate I literally can't do anything right now to improve my situation

[Namelesa]

I literally can't do anything right now to improve or end my suffering either with recovery or killing myself cus of my entrapment. I can't stop this feeling of boredom or emptiness. Maybe it will lessen on some days but it will always come back. I can only temporally distract from it (and anyways thats getting less effective as time goes on so can't rely on that) I will never get an actual solution to stop this mental pain. I don't want to go through more of this, I just want my pain to be gone NOW!

Aside from death, what I honestly want most is physical affection from someone I feel close to and be able to provide value to them while they take care of me but I can't get that if I am literally trapped by my family. I can't rely on online interactions as that won't be fulfilling enough for me and I would say there is more risk of someone leaving me online which would make me feel worse cus of my fear of abandonment. Other than this hypothetical thing I want I don't see anyway for me to actually get mentally better. Anyways if I was somehow able to access this, it would probably end in the person leaving me and me becoming mentally worse as that's what has happened previously cus I am too much of an emotional burden but I don't know how to stop being an emotional burden without the help of someone else.

I don't want to have to wait any longer for it to get better, I WANT BE ABLE TO TAKE ACTION NOW AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING NOW TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT I LITERALLY CAN'T DO ANYTHING! I hate my life and I literally have no hope of being able to mentally improve, at least any time soon. Anyways I would rather ctb as death is a less risky option to take than to continue with life but I can't access any effective methods. YAY!/s.

 

[cme-dme]

Why do your parents keep you trapped? Clearly it isn't in your best interest...

 

[Namelesa]

Why do your parents keep you trapped? Clearly it isn't in your best interest...

Cus of my suicidalness and to keep me "safe". They don't want to risk having me be able to kill myself or be outside on my own for longer periods of time due to thinking I am not responsible enough and cus of potential things that could happen to me from other people.

I don't think I could lie about not being suicidal and pretend to be getting better for a long period of time cus of how emotional I can be and how hard I find it to keep my feelings and mental pain to myself.

 

[cme-dme]

Cus of my suicidalness and to keep me "safe". They don't want to risk having me be able to kill myself or be outside on my own for longer periods of time due to thinking I am not responsible enough and cus of potential things that could happen to me from other people.

I don't think I could lie about not being suicidal and pretend to be getting better for a long period of time cus of how emotional I can be and how hard I find it to keep my feelings and mental pain to myself.

Ah so it's the same old crap of infantalizing suicidal people... Apparently you have no autonomy just because you want to leave this shitty world. Somehow the alternative of being trapped in your room is preferable. Pro-lifers make no sense. Somehow I can wear a straight face in public. The emotional side of me only comes out when I'm alone. I hope you can one day be treated like an actual adult by your shit ass parents :(

 

[33-vertebrae]

Are they like... literally holding you against your will in the home?

Are you a minor or an adult?

 

[Namelesa]

Are they like... literally holding you against your will in the home?

Are you a minor or an adult?

Yes, I literally can't go outside on my own as I can't access any keys. I am an adult and am 19.

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

I completely understand that frustration of wanting to change the situation and no matter how hard you try, you only get more frustrated. If you feel like you need to get away from your family, you can try to plan things, sneak out at night quietly while they sleep, like a ninja, or get a job that can help you find a room in another city far from them. Sometimes it helps to write things in a diary, or even look for ideas that can help you change something about your situation. There are days that are terrible, when you can't see a ray of hope anywhere, but you never know what can happen if you try new things. Don't be discouraged, what is clear is that sooner or later you will get an opportunity to change something and feel better, especially if you are still young.

 

[33-vertebrae]

Yes, I literally can't go outside on my own as I can't access any keys. I am an adult and am 19.

Did you have an attempt just prior to all of this?

I can understand them wanting to keep you safe, but going to the extreme and trying to maintain this kind of control of you isn't the answer, either.

 

[ma0]

I still refuse to believe this species could be so cruel as to hold their own children captive against their will, but I suppose that has been disproven. Humanity truly is heartless.

Although the chances are slim, I sincerely hope your situation can improve in any way possible.

 

[Namelesa]

I completely understand that frustration of wanting to change the situation and no matter how hard you try, you only get more frustrated. If you feel like you need to get away from your family, you can try to plan things, sneak out at night quietly while they sleep, like a ninja, or get a job that can help you find a room in another city far from them. Sometimes it helps to write things in a diary, or even look for ideas that can help you change something about your situation. There are days that are terrible, when you can't see a ray of hope anywhere, but you never know what can happen if you try new things. Don't be discouraged, what is clear is that sooner or later you will get an opportunity to change something and feel better, especially if you are still young.

I am sorry but sneaking out isn't really an option as I literally can't access any keys unless I were to break a window but that would make too much noise. When they know that I have escaped they would call the police on me straight away so I won't achieve anything by sneaking out.

As I literally can't go outside I can't get any outside jobs but I wouldn't be able to handle anything like that anyways cus of my autism, not being able to handle repetitive tasks, fear of failure or set work times, especially if they are long. I also don't have access to my own bank money or card as my parent's have hidden it so can't exactly get money at the moment.

I have called the police about this entrapment before but they did nothing about it as my parent said about me being suicidal so it won't help and I don't want to risk getting into trouble with the police by calling again.

I basically use this place and talking to people here as a diary but at some point venting about your problems onto a piece of paper or with people isn't enough to lessen the mental pain.

Everything new I have tried will become repetitive or less effective at making me better or end in making me feel worse. I tried doing different things like meditation or getting into new things or trying to interact with new people online but it always ends with me not feeling better. I am tired of having to find new temporally things and want a solution to the problem and maybe the thing (aside from death) I want most could be a solution but I can't access that due to the entrapment.

I honestly just want to die more than anything but would settle with recovery but I literally can't access any of those 2 options with what I am in now.

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

I am sorry but sneaking out isn't really an option as I literally can't access any keys unless I were to break a window but that would make too much noise. When they know that I have escaped they would call the police on me straight away so I won't achieve anything by sneaking out.

As I literally can't go outside I can't get any outside jobs but I wouldn't be able to handle anything like that anyways cus of my autism, not being able to handle repetitive tasks, fear of failure or set work times, especially if they are long. I also don't have access to my own bank money or card as my parent's have hidden it so can't exactly get money at the moment.

I have called the police about this entrapment before but they did nothing about it as my parent said about me being suicidal so it won't help and I don't want to risk getting into trouble with the police by calling again.

I basically use this place and talking to people here as a diary but at some point venting about your problems onto a piece of paper or with people isn't enough to lessen the mental pain.

Everything new I have tried will become repetitive or less effective at making me better or end in making me feel worse. I tried doing different things like meditation or getting into new things or trying to interact with new people online but it always ends with me not feeling better. I am tired of having to find new temporally things and want a solution to the problem and maybe the thing (aside from death) I want most could be a solution but I can't access that due to the entrapment.

I honestly just want to die more than anything but would settle with recovery but I literally can't access any of those 2 options with what I am in now.

It's typical of people who don't have depression and don't suffer, to lock us up and treat us like little children... but don't be discouraged, because if you make a big effort to pretend that you're fine, they'll let their guard down and then you'll be able to escape. In any case, they won't be able to hold you against your will forever, sooner or later you'll be free to decide your destiny. They use your pain against you to lock you up, but if they think you're fine, they won't have an excuse to lock you up. Make your maximum effort to fight your anxiety, fears, etc., exercise, read, learn new things, fight your demons. If they see that you're improving, they'll have to give you more freedom by law.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also hate existing and I understand finding it torturous to suffer in this existence, it feels so cruel to me how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing and never suffer ever again, I wish there's the option to just simply cease existing in peace, I also feel so tired of suffering in this painful existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[CatLvr]

I have read your posts and threads here and you are such a kind, sweet soul. You are also very articulate. I cannot imagine holding my children captive like your parents are doing. They MUST know how unhappy they are making you. Plus, you should be taking advantage of programs (I am assuming you are in the US, so forgive me if I am speaking out of turn) to help you become independent -- in spite of your suicidality.

Did it ever occur to them you might actually be less suicidal if you had some autonomy and a little freedom to be who you are?? What will happen to you when they eventually die?? I mean, realistically speaking, you "should" survive them, all other things being equal.

I wish I had some answers for you.

 

[Namelesa]

I have read your posts and threads here and you are such a kind, sweet soul. You are also very articulate. I cannot imagine holding my children captive like your parents are doing. They MUST know how unhappy they are making you. Plus, you should be taking advantage of programs (I am assuming you are in the US, so forgive me if I am speaking out of turn) to help you become independent -- in spite of your suicidality.

Did it ever occur to them you might actually be less suicidal if you had some autonomy and a little freedom to be who you are?? What will happen to you when they eventually die?? I mean, realistically speaking, you "should" survive them, all other things being equal.

I wish I had some answers for you.

I am in the UK and I have no idea what I have available to me or if it can even help me, especially if my entrapment means I can't access those things.

I feel like people are too obsessed with suicide prevention. To me suicide is never the problem or even a negative thing, its my mental illnesses and painful emotions that are it and suicidness is just a symptom so just stopping suicide is only going to make it worse. It would be way better for me to just die than be in this situation.