Venting I hate my parents so much for creating and trapping me here

[Namelesa]

I tried to buy SN using my parent's money as I don't have access to my own but when it arrived they got it first and threw it away. I utterly despise how my parents have created me into this painful boring existence and now try and prevent me from dying as much as possible despite me wanting to die so much. I could forgive them for birthing me if they allowed me to die but I can't forgive at all for this for trapping me in this house and getting rid of things that I could use to CTB.

They say they love me but I don't understand it cus they selfishly keep me suffering here and not allow me to end my own life when i desperately want it. I wish they didn't care about me living so much and kick me out the house.

 

[socrates.]

sending hugs your way. this is difficult and i'm sorry you have to deal with it.

if you need to talk or anything i'm here, but until then we are all here to support you in whatever way you need :)

 

[Namelesa]

sending hugs your way. this is difficult and i'm sorry you have to deal with it.

if you need to talk or anything i'm here, but until then we are all here to support you in whatever way you need :)

thank you <3 Honestly this site make me tear up a bit knowing that there are people out there that don't think CTB is immoral and is something that people should be allowed to do without physical prevention. Makes me feel like I am not a monster for thinking CTB is okay.

 

[Seele]

I speak for myself, I realize that the people in our lives prefer our agony in life to suffering our absence, it's something very selfish...
I understand, what you feel is totally valid, I can feel it too.
take care

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand as I just wish to be free from this torturous, futile existence as well, more than anything I wish this existence was never imposed, all I personally hope for is to never exist again, I find it so dreadful and painful to be trapped in this existence. All I wish for is to just painlessly die in peace, it's just so cruel to me how there's no acceptance towards the personal choice of not wanting to suffer in this existence.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Omg, I relate so much to you. I also hate my parents for giving birth to me and then forcibly keep me alive. I think that I'd be able to die by now if it wasn't for my parents being really strict. It's also why I can't get SN as I know they'd just throw it away but, even if I could get SN, I don't have a place where I can use it to ctb. One time I got extremely angry to where I told my mum that I hate at how she gave birth to me but all I got in response was "I didn't make you, god made you as he predetermined your existence". It's just- fuck me, this is the odds that I have to go through just to die!? It's absolutely horrifying. It honestly feels like I'm in freddy's nightmare.

thank you <3 Honestly this site make me tear up a bit knowing that there are people out there that don't think CTB is immoral and is something that people should be allowed to do without physical prevention. Makes me feel like I am not a monster for thinking CTB is okay.

You aren't a monster for thinking that ctb is okay. ctb is okay as it's suffering prevention and self care. Dying earlier means suffering less in existence overall

 

[Namelesa]

Omg, I relate so much to you. I also hate my parents for giving birth to me and then forcibly keep me alive. I think that I'd be able to die by now if it wasn't for my parents being really strict. It's also why I can't get SN as I know they'd just throw it away but, even if I could get SN, I don't have a place where I can use it to ctb. One time I got extremely angry to where I told my mum that I hate at how she gave birth to me but all I got in response was "I didn't make you, god made you as he predetermined your existence". It's just- fuck me, this is the odds that I have to go through just to die!? It's absolutely horrifying. It honestly feels like I'm in freddy's nightmare.

You aren't a monster for thinking that ctb is okay. ctb is okay as it's suffering prevention and self care. Dying earlier means suffering less in existence overall

Honestly the people I hate most are biological parents who prevent their suicidal children to CTB. I have also gotten really angry at my mum and dad and have tried to explain my way of thinking and why I hate them but they just don't listen to me and for some reason saying they care and love me. I don't understand them at all.

Also fluff that religious nonsense. If God does exist I absolutely hate him for creating this mess of a world.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Honestly the people I hate most are biological parents who prevent their suicidal children to CTB. I have also gotten really angry at my mum and dad and have tried to explain my way of thinking and why I hate them but they just don't listen to me and for some reason saying they care and love me. I don't understand them at all.

Also fluff that religious nonsense. If God does exist I absolutely hate him for creating this mess of a world.

I hate them the most too. imo, true love is never bringing a child into existence in the first place so that they don't ever get exposed to the harms of life. If somebody is alive, they are in harm's way and, if they aren't alive, they are out of harm's way. Of course if a parent were to bring a child into existence, imo they should rectify that by allowing their child to die peacefully and safely if that's what they want. Forcing them to stay alive to be exposed to more harm when they don't want that isn't love but slavery and imposition. Unfortunately they won't ever acknowledge this because they've been trained to believe that life is good and death is bad when it's actually the converse which is true.

Also, yeah, fuck their religious nonsense too. No matter what monstrous ideology religion has to say, it was my parents that caused me to be alive and there is no life after death, only permanent non existence

 

[Omnia131]

I will always hate my mother for being convinced by her religious mother to keep me.
Yes, because being dead is worse than abject poverty for 18 years

 

[Namelesa]

I hate them the most too. imo, true love is never bringing a child into existence in the first place so that they don't ever get exposed to the harms of life. If somebody is alive, they are in harm's way and, if they aren't alive, they are out of harm's way. Of course if a parent were to bring a child into existence, imo they should rectify that by allowing their child to die peacefully and safely if that's what they want. Forcing them to stay alive to be exposed to more harm when they don't want that isn't love but slavery and imposition. Unfortunately they won't ever acknowledge this because they've been trained to believe that life is good and death is bad when it's actually the converse which is true.

Also, yeah, fuck their religious nonsense too. No matter what monstrous ideology religion has to say, it was my parents that caused me to be alive and there is no life after death, only permanent non existence

I am really thankful that there are people can have the same perspective as me about life and CTB<3 Makes it feel like I am valid in feeling this way.

I really do hope there isn't an afterlife but I can't be sure, probably cus I had to grow up with a catholic mum and had to deal with catholic schools and religious education. If there is an afterlife I am probably going hell cus i hate God (if he exists) so much tho I don't feel as scared of it like other people cus some people believe that hell is just a place away from God.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Omg, I relate so much to you. I also hate my parents for giving birth to me and then forcibly keep me alive. I think that I'd be able to die by now if it wasn't for my parents being really strict. It's also why I can't get SN as I know they'd just throw it away but, even if I could get SN, I don't have a place where I can use it to ctb. One time I got extremely angry to where I told my mum that I hate at how she gave birth to me but all I got in response was "I didn't make you, god made you as he predetermined your existence". It's just- fuck me, this is the odds that I have to go through just to die!? It's absolutely horrifying. It honestly feels like I'm in freddy's nightmare.

You aren't a monster for thinking that ctb is okay. ctb is okay as it's suffering prevention and self care. Dying earlier means suffering less in existence overall

Ugh I don't know how you put up with the religious aspect in addition to everything. I would flip out and go crazy if religion was even mentioned in regards to CTB. I kind of argued with my mom just yesterday because she always says she's spiritual, not religious yet she prays and does other stuff that I would deem religious.
Atheist here if you couldn't already tell.

But if I'm being honest, I can't say I hate my parents for having me. I certainly wish I was never born, but they were just doing what everyone else did-have a family in a world that wasn't as crazy then as it is now. I do at times resent them a little bit for me being an only child. I feel like life could have been very different if I wasn't.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I am really thankful that there are people can have the same perspective as me about life and CTB<3 Makes it feel like I am valid in feeling this way.

I really do hope there isn't an afterlife but I can't be sure, probably cus I had to grow up with a catholic mum and had to deal with catholic schools and religious education. If there is an afterlife I am probably going hell cus i hate God (if he exists) so much tho I don't feel as scared of it like other people cus some people believe that hell is just a place away from God.

I feel the same and, yeah, you are 100% valid in feeling this way. At times I feel like I'm mentally insane for being the way I am but then I remember that I'm actually just reacting normally to a sick and twisted world. "It is no measure of ill health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" after all.

I had to deal with religious parents too but thankfully I don't have any fear in hell as I can confidently say that it isn't real. It's just as much of a fairytale as spiderman or batman is. I follow the evidence that death is just permanent non existence and that makes me want an earlier death so badly.

Ugh I don't know how you put up with the religious aspect in addition to everything. I would flip out and go crazy if religion was even mentioned in regards to CTB. I kind of argued with my mom just yesterday because she always says she's spiritual, not religious yet she prays and does other stuff that I would deem religious.
Atheist here if you couldn't already tell.

I don't know how I do it either. I was about to flip out and go crazy when my mum said what she did but I couldn't because that would mean homelessness and I'm not in a position where I could ctb even if I were to be homeless as figuring it all out is so convoluted. I wished that my parents weren't so strict so that I can order SN and kill myself successfully but unfortunately no.

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

I felt resentful for so long. My mom had me with a dad who didn't want children. She said either we have a child or I'm breaking up with you. But he's obviously to blame for going along with it.

My mom has said so many times in my adult life that if she had known how much I would suffer, that she would never have had me. She has said that she had never in her (relatively privileged) life seen or known human suffering as deep as mine.

My dad I have a harder time forgiving. Why have children if you don't want them? And why not go to therapy and parenting classes like mom did to get your sh*t together to prepare for a child? (Not saying everyone needs these things, but my dad has a lot of mental / emotional issues that really needed sorting before adding children to the equation.)