I hate that this is one of the only places I feel seen/heard

[Coal54321]

I don't connect to anyone or really have any friends. I only had my gf who was everything to me and it was a miracle I even had her in the first place. Now she has left me and I have nothing left. We were together since we were only teenagers and now I am 25. I wish I was just normal and didn't want to kill myself and could go on without my girlfriend but I am sure I have BPD or something similar because I know I cannot go on without her. I think this friday is when I will do it but I'm not sure. Some of you may disagree with the ethics of this decision but I am going to text her one last time before I do it and let her know that if we can't work to fix things then I will end my life and that will be it. She left me over a petty little fight after 6 years when we were best friends and the only person who actually KNEW me and the only person I could talk to for hours on end without getting bored or having my social battery drained. I have planned this for years but thought I was going to go with the CO method in a tent. Now I have SN in my hands I am going to do that instead in a hotel.