• Hey Guest,

    An update on the OFCOM situation: As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. OFCOM, the UK’s communications regulator, has singled out our community, demanding compliance with their Online Safety Act despite our minimal UK presence. This is a blatant overreach, and they have been sending letters pressuring us to comply with their censorship agenda.

    Our platform is already blocked by many UK ISPs, yet they continue their attempts to stifle free speech. Standing up to this kind of regulatory overreach requires lots of resources to maintain our infrastructure and fight back against these unjust demands. If you value our community and want to support us during this time, we would greatly appreciate any and all donations.

    Read more about the situation here: Click to View Post

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt
    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
H0110W

H0110W

Member
Sep 22, 2021
96
I am taking more frequent naps layely and I have the strangest realistic dreams. It may be a phase, a last effort by my deep subconscious to keep me alive, because I dream that things have improved. That people that I've long lost are still friends with me. That I'm going on an adventure, sometimes even with my ex gf and we are still together. That my father understood me and we talk normally again.

That I am no longer so alone.

Then I wake up and I kinda feel good you know, I have this feeling of relief, because my friend is back, all I have to do is call them. Or my girlfriend is here to support me, it never even really ended. That I am going on an adventure in the mountains, I just have to call my friends. And that i was just feeling sad, like anyone else, but it's over now, I just talked to them and...
I realize that it was just a weirdly realistic dream, where I felt a real emotion that somehow escaped from some long lost memory. But the friend in my dream, is long lost. My gf is gone and despises me. I'm not going on an adventure, I'm just going to work, or like right now, I just dozed off instead of having lunchh, so I'll be sleepy all day tomorrow at work, on top of everything else.

And then the suicidal thoughts restart, the loneliness creeps in from all the cracks in my defective brain, and another day begins with this unbearable feeling of sadness, shame, regret. Then, fear joins the party, I fear this will continue forever, this gives me so much mental anguish I don't know how long I'll be able to endure.

And it's all my fault, I did nothing to prevent it. I had my chance to get out of this, many times, and I wasted it every time.

I really need help but I can't talk to anyone, all I can do is open another shitty "venting" thread here. This is all I can do to help myself. Waiting for my planned suicide day is getting harder every day. I live in constant emotional and mental pain, it never stops. I wish someone could help me but there is no one left.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: BipolarExpress, O_oreo., flightless bird and 1 other person
jodes2

jodes2

Hello people ❤️
Aug 28, 2022
7,737
Sorry you feel so alone ❤️ we're here to listen and support ❤️

I had some shitty nightmares last night, woke up absolutely miserable 😭
 
H

Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,555
I've had dreams like that too, waking up to this nightmare SUCKS!
 
H0110W

H0110W

Member
Sep 22, 2021
96
Sorry you feel so alone ❤️ we're here to listen and support ❤️

I had some shitty nightmares last night, woke up absolutely miserable 😭
I'm grateful for Internet strangers caring about me. Knowing someone relates or even has taken a minute to read how I feel gives me some relief. But it's not enough. I need help, that much is clear now, but I am too far gone, i made too many mistakes, and I have no one to talk to other than doctors. I don't want to be put on pills just to make my situation artificially bearable.
 
  • Love
Reactions: jodes2
jodes2

jodes2

Hello people ❤️
Aug 28, 2022
7,737
I'm grateful for Internet strangers caring about me. Knowing someone relates or even has taken a minute to read how I feel gives me some relief. But it's not enough. I need help, that much is clear now, but I am too far gone, i made too many mistakes, and I have no one to talk to other than doctors. I don't want to be put on pills just to make my situation artificially bearable.
I know how you feel. But when one doesn't have a way out, artificially bearable is better than nothing!
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
41,478
Existing can certainly be torture and I get that it can be tiring and awful being trapped in a situation of endless suffering. I do believe that for many in this world dreams are better than the cruel, harsh reality of this existence, but I wish you the best.
 

Similar threads

notgonnamakeit
Discussion dreams
Replies
12
Views
420
Offtopic
dweams
dweams
ForeverCaHa
Replies
3
Views
171
Suicide Discussion
deadbidaylight
deadbidaylight
Saki
Replies
16
Views
581
Suicide Discussion
ClippedWings
C
ForeverCaHa
Replies
4
Views
211
Suicide Discussion
deadbidaylight
deadbidaylight
C
Replies
3
Views
225
Suicide Discussion
CravingPeace
C