Venting I have finally learned that love won’t save me

[sickdog]

I have finally learned that love won't save me. My whole life I have struggled with suicidal thoughts. Even at a young age when I didn't know what suicide was, I prayed at night for God to kill me in my sleep. However I never actually went through with suicide. I always had one hope in life, that I couldn't give up on. That I would someday meet someone who would love me no matter what and do anything for me, and that we would grow old together. I've had many failed relationships in my life, but I never found the one. Until I did. And it wasn't enough. I left her. My last hope in life is gone. I think I may ctb soon. My method is shotgun.

 

[Nadir]

yeah i feel this

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Unfortunately, no amount of love can cure mental illness. Medication might help, if you haven't already tried.

 

[TheHolySword]

I met the girl of my dreams. She wanted me as much as I wanted her. It could have been something special, everything I ever wanted. But this never goes away, not for me. I couldn't allow myself to give her a place in my life knowing what I was going to do. I destroyed it, I made her hate everything about me. Now I'm alone, I miss her every day. I regret what I did, how I did it, but I know that I cannot be saved. I caused her pain, I know this, but I spared her from debilitating grief.

 

[pariah80]

I feel this so much. The things I want are just not realistic in this life. I thought that I found love, only for it to fade over time. I'm not sure the type of love I wanted exists. People grow apart. Things happen. Everything in this life is so temporary. Like you, I've been suicidal my whole life. It doesn't come from mental illness, but from the experience of life. I was abused as a kid, so I'd pray to die in my sleep. Anyway, I sympathize with you so much.

 

[F@#$]

Love is a lie, nothing will hurt you more.

 

[stopwizard]

I thought love saved me when I met him. I truely pictured my life with this person. But he left cause he couldn't handle how mentally sick I was. I don't blame him. I plan to ctb cause I only had motivation to live when I was experiencing and reciprocating love. I'm too broken to pursue love again, too afraid to experience heartbreak again.

 

[porororo]

same I realised I couldn't manage a relationship when I don't think I have a place in reality all I'm doing is traumatising someone I care about with my actions it's better for me to be alone so less people even know I existed when I'm gone

 

[CogitoMori]

It almost saved me until my false hope was broken as usual. Things were starting to get better, but I think I'm permanently broken this time.