FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,761
When I was 21 years old my suicidal thoughts began. I reached out for help and nobody in my life took me seriously nor cared. I am 27 now and been suicidal since 21 years old. That taught me never to call for help that I am suicidal.
First I reached out to my close friend in my law class about my suicidal thoughts. She is one of those devout Christians who go to chruch everyday Sunday and read the bible. She blamed me for being a feminist for suffering depression. She believed a woman's purpose in life is to be a wife and mother. My friend suggested I talk to my African relatives about my depression. I told her my relatives are not nice people she looked at me as if I was crazy because she has nice and loving cousins, uncles and aunties that she can talk too. My friend and I are both African descent.
My friend even got impatient with me when my depression continued and wasn't going away. I then noticed she began avoiding me at university and even got others in my class to do the same. One day on campus we were hanging out with other people in our law class. Together we went to the library areas but I stayed behind to check out some books.
When I was leaving the library I saw my friend gathered with the others and when she saw me she and the others ran away from me. My mental health deteriorated throughout my 3rd year and my friend stopped talking me completely after exams. I was always there for this friend. I another classmate who like me is a black Christian and saw as a friend she stopped talking to me when I told her I was suicidal.
During the Christmas holidays I told my family I was depressed since my 21st birthday and I was stressed out of my mind with university assignments. My mum complained about how "I need to change the reccord" I told my grandmother I wanted to go on anti depressants. My she said "they are addictive." I told my grandmother I feel like life is not for me my grandmother says " you are going to got to hell." All the times I told my family I was depressed and anxious my family treated me like an inconvenience to their lives me being depressed. My mum once even said " what have you got to be depressed about you have food, a bed and British passport"
I used my university counselling services. The counsellor was lovely but I had to hold back information on my true feelings in the sessions because the university policy allowed for confidentiality to be broken if the person is at risk of harming themselves.
The stuff I went through as a suicidal 21 year old woman taught me never to reach out to people for help. I am suicidal again and at university studying a masters degree. I am not reaching out for help again and keeping my thoughts to myself. We live in a world of judgmental people who see mentally ill as an inconvenience to their normal lives
First I reached out to my close friend in my law class about my suicidal thoughts. She is one of those devout Christians who go to chruch everyday Sunday and read the bible. She blamed me for being a feminist for suffering depression. She believed a woman's purpose in life is to be a wife and mother. My friend suggested I talk to my African relatives about my depression. I told her my relatives are not nice people she looked at me as if I was crazy because she has nice and loving cousins, uncles and aunties that she can talk too. My friend and I are both African descent.
My friend even got impatient with me when my depression continued and wasn't going away. I then noticed she began avoiding me at university and even got others in my class to do the same. One day on campus we were hanging out with other people in our law class. Together we went to the library areas but I stayed behind to check out some books.
When I was leaving the library I saw my friend gathered with the others and when she saw me she and the others ran away from me. My mental health deteriorated throughout my 3rd year and my friend stopped talking me completely after exams. I was always there for this friend. I another classmate who like me is a black Christian and saw as a friend she stopped talking to me when I told her I was suicidal.
During the Christmas holidays I told my family I was depressed since my 21st birthday and I was stressed out of my mind with university assignments. My mum complained about how "I need to change the reccord" I told my grandmother I wanted to go on anti depressants. My she said "they are addictive." I told my grandmother I feel like life is not for me my grandmother says " you are going to got to hell." All the times I told my family I was depressed and anxious my family treated me like an inconvenience to their lives me being depressed. My mum once even said " what have you got to be depressed about you have food, a bed and British passport"
I used my university counselling services. The counsellor was lovely but I had to hold back information on my true feelings in the sessions because the university policy allowed for confidentiality to be broken if the person is at risk of harming themselves.
The stuff I went through as a suicidal 21 year old woman taught me never to reach out to people for help. I am suicidal again and at university studying a masters degree. I am not reaching out for help again and keeping my thoughts to myself. We live in a world of judgmental people who see mentally ill as an inconvenience to their normal lives
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