TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,956
Throughout my life, whenever I reach certain milestones growing up through childhood, adolescence, and even young adulthood, I get questions from people pertaining to my goals for the future and what I want to do with life. I oftenly don't have that great of an answer, and while during adolescence and early college (to some degree) it was about the usual vanilla goals, to make a living, and own a house, etc.
However, since the last decade, I don't really have good answers to such a question (well since I know I plan to CTB and have since been living on borrowed time, renewing after each milestone or next major event, turning point.). I have been living from cope to cope, borrowed time, myopically (near-sighted and short term goals) while just extending my CTB date over and over. I guess part of me became disillusioned after my dreams failed, the real world being what it is (total shit, meaningless, the horrors of reality, the world, etc.), and then realizing that life is indeed pointless (objectively speaking), full of suffering, injustices, inequalities, and even other shitty happenings. I certainly don't plan on living for decades nor into the golden years. Basically my life has been like someone who has a recurring subscription to a service or video game and with each new cope or extension is like another expansion or DLC (Downloadable Content) being released (lol at video game and entertainment analogy).
So the difficult part for me is to be able to adequately answer people's inquisitive question(s) without setting off red flags. By this, I mean answer them in a way that doesn't arouse suspicion yet satisfy them. It's not easy at all. In fact, when I get talks from people about moving up in life, I frankly don't care much about that at all since I plan to CTB when I'm young (even in better circumstances) as living until late age just isn't my thing. I am not interested in living a long, shitty life full of suffering and disappointment. Also, money is not really important if I plan to CTB young too. Money itself is just another means to (try to) obtain my goals and failing that, there is always the bus. I don't care about the things that most people care about (big house, yacht, luxuries, family and children (I'm an anti-natalist), and other common goals).
I also have a Laissez-Faire attitude towards life and death, especially death. I don't mind if I die young, as long as death itself is not too uncomfortable, painful, or full of suffering, then I'm ok with dying. This doesn't mean that I take unnecessary risks and get seriously injured or killed, I'd still wish to have a controlled death, under my own terms.
Can anyone relate to my story or have similar stories?
However, since the last decade, I don't really have good answers to such a question (well since I know I plan to CTB and have since been living on borrowed time, renewing after each milestone or next major event, turning point.). I have been living from cope to cope, borrowed time, myopically (near-sighted and short term goals) while just extending my CTB date over and over. I guess part of me became disillusioned after my dreams failed, the real world being what it is (total shit, meaningless, the horrors of reality, the world, etc.), and then realizing that life is indeed pointless (objectively speaking), full of suffering, injustices, inequalities, and even other shitty happenings. I certainly don't plan on living for decades nor into the golden years. Basically my life has been like someone who has a recurring subscription to a service or video game and with each new cope or extension is like another expansion or DLC (Downloadable Content) being released (lol at video game and entertainment analogy).
So the difficult part for me is to be able to adequately answer people's inquisitive question(s) without setting off red flags. By this, I mean answer them in a way that doesn't arouse suspicion yet satisfy them. It's not easy at all. In fact, when I get talks from people about moving up in life, I frankly don't care much about that at all since I plan to CTB when I'm young (even in better circumstances) as living until late age just isn't my thing. I am not interested in living a long, shitty life full of suffering and disappointment. Also, money is not really important if I plan to CTB young too. Money itself is just another means to (try to) obtain my goals and failing that, there is always the bus. I don't care about the things that most people care about (big house, yacht, luxuries, family and children (I'm an anti-natalist), and other common goals).
I also have a Laissez-Faire attitude towards life and death, especially death. I don't mind if I die young, as long as death itself is not too uncomfortable, painful, or full of suffering, then I'm ok with dying. This doesn't mean that I take unnecessary risks and get seriously injured or killed, I'd still wish to have a controlled death, under my own terms.
Can anyone relate to my story or have similar stories?
