stinky_joe
Member
- Jul 3, 2024
- 10
Throughout my life, I've always struggled with friendships. I could never form a strong connection with someone, and I still can't. The friends I make always seem to disappear.
I don't think I'm an asshole or anything but people don't see me as a good friend or maybe a respectable person. I had a group of friends with whom I'd chat with or sometimes even go out with. But now I don't even want to see their face. I always was just a friend for them and nothing that close but I was happy to have them. But now, everytime I talk to one of them, it feels like they're just trying to annoy me or "ragebait" me as they sometimes say aswell. I assure you, I'm not here because someone made a joke and I got mad, no. I've gone through this so much. It feels like talking to a wall, I say something, and they just find a way to make me regret even opening my mouth. And they laugh about it. We play a game together, and someone decides to kill me for some reason (while we're on the same team) and I have to wait 5 minutes to be able to play again. Everyone in the group kind of goes through the same stuff but it is safe to say that I am at the bottom of the food chain here. (It kinda sounds like I'm just crying here that I got killed in a game but I promise you, these people make me regret talking to them every so often.)
For these and some other reasons, I decided to stop participating in any activities and even texting in the group chat. And guess what? No one really cared. After about a month or so one of them texted me about some place that sells t-shirts and another one which is the "busy guy" who is always busy whenever I ask him to play a game with me asked me to play with him and I declined saying I wasn't home.
I don't know if I'm just being a bad person but I don't see these people as friends anymore. I used to accept them for who they are saying that these are what friends are but I got so sick of it.
Sorry that I just wrote alot of stupid thoughts but I feel so alone now. Realizing that theres no one that truly appreciates my friendship and values me. I don't know if I just suck as a person or if theres something else wrong with me but I hate the way my life has been going for the last 5 years.
Also I've lost the tiny amount of confidence that I used to have. The one I referred to as the "busy guy" keeps calling me a certain name about my appearence. It was funny as first but he kept saying and saying that thing, almost like a nickname and it made me hate the way I look even more. Sometimes I feel like a creature that does not deserve any love or happiness. I feel like even the sight of me could make people get disgusted. Not always but sometimes those feelings grow stronger. I don't really believe that I'll find any friends and be in a relationship at all. I wish I could love myself.
I don't think I'm an asshole or anything but people don't see me as a good friend or maybe a respectable person. I had a group of friends with whom I'd chat with or sometimes even go out with. But now I don't even want to see their face. I always was just a friend for them and nothing that close but I was happy to have them. But now, everytime I talk to one of them, it feels like they're just trying to annoy me or "ragebait" me as they sometimes say aswell. I assure you, I'm not here because someone made a joke and I got mad, no. I've gone through this so much. It feels like talking to a wall, I say something, and they just find a way to make me regret even opening my mouth. And they laugh about it. We play a game together, and someone decides to kill me for some reason (while we're on the same team) and I have to wait 5 minutes to be able to play again. Everyone in the group kind of goes through the same stuff but it is safe to say that I am at the bottom of the food chain here. (It kinda sounds like I'm just crying here that I got killed in a game but I promise you, these people make me regret talking to them every so often.)
For these and some other reasons, I decided to stop participating in any activities and even texting in the group chat. And guess what? No one really cared. After about a month or so one of them texted me about some place that sells t-shirts and another one which is the "busy guy" who is always busy whenever I ask him to play a game with me asked me to play with him and I declined saying I wasn't home.
I don't know if I'm just being a bad person but I don't see these people as friends anymore. I used to accept them for who they are saying that these are what friends are but I got so sick of it.
Sorry that I just wrote alot of stupid thoughts but I feel so alone now. Realizing that theres no one that truly appreciates my friendship and values me. I don't know if I just suck as a person or if theres something else wrong with me but I hate the way my life has been going for the last 5 years.
Also I've lost the tiny amount of confidence that I used to have. The one I referred to as the "busy guy" keeps calling me a certain name about my appearence. It was funny as first but he kept saying and saying that thing, almost like a nickname and it made me hate the way I look even more. Sometimes I feel like a creature that does not deserve any love or happiness. I feel like even the sight of me could make people get disgusted. Not always but sometimes those feelings grow stronger. I don't really believe that I'll find any friends and be in a relationship at all. I wish I could love myself.
