i have so much passion, how do i get motivated?

[liesabouthelp]

ive been fighting depression for over a decade. ive tried my best. now im just dead, tired, hopeless, suicidal.
i saw a bunch of posts here about very common sense basic things, "just lift weights, bro". all of that disgusts me. i KNOW. be healthy and youll be healthy. but how do i get the motivation after all of this suffering and being totally dead now? i was unmotivated from the start. "small steps". ive heard it all. ive tried my best. im exhausted, and far less capable now than i was 10 years ago, and it was a total struggle already back then.
i am so sick of life and people, naturally after all of this suffering. and then the professionals expect me to act nice. and when i dont, and im unable to try the same things over and over, they refuse to help me. i am so fucked.
but i also cant find the courage to kill myself. a big part of that is because theres so much i want to do in life. dont ask what i want to do, it doesnt matter.

 

[r.vival]

honestly, they are right. you just have to do it. as uncomfortable as it is. you can have people motivate you, but in it end it has to come from you. you can do it! even if you failed, another day is another time to try. i believe in you.

 

[Rabscuttle]

You get motivated by changing your mindset, not by brute forcing will power and going to the gym. By going from endlessly shitting on yourself, to at a minimum empathizing with yourself and your situation, and ideally actually liking and loving yourself. By accepting that you don't NEED happiness and health but you actually DESERVE them. You need to wrestle control of your mind from your subconscious. Self compassion is the foundation, the rest follows from, there. Mindfulness and meditation are skills to get you there, but yes unfortunately will power might be the key to just starting but the results of being kind to yourself will lead you forward. Have you ever tried yoga? You get a mix of fitness and meditation practice.

I wish you the best, and hope one day realize you deserve the good things you desire.

 

[blackbeauty]

I understand what you're going through.

Taking care of your wellbeing can come in many forms and not just the gym so if it's not for you, it's not for you. You shouldn't beat yourself up for not going or not liking it.

In terms of getting yourself motivated... it depends what you decide to do but if it's a workout I remember I place my workout clothes at the end of my bed to change into in the morning. Just seeing my clothes triggered me to start preparing to complete this activity.

It's super tough but it's about identifying the triggers for your current behaviour and replacing them with triggers to perform a new behaviour.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's indeed a vicious cycle and it's so difficult to break out of it. Although our situations are different it is so difficult for me do sth to change my situation even if I want to do/try it. I end up rotting again and again.

 

[foggyskies_]

The reality is, you can either do something, or not. You've spent a while not doing anything, why not do it now? Our time is short. Shorter than we realize. Better to make use of it, eh?

Other than that, I wish you luck in your journey. You got this, man! Try not to beat yourself up too much. ♡

 

[ForgottenAgain]

It seems like you want to recover but are struggling with the actions towards it. There is a big obstacle when attempting exercise after a long time of not doing it, it can feel a bit torturous. I've been there several times and always hated that part...

I personally think that you need to be at a certain level of wellbeing to have the motivation for certain tasks. Yes, exercise is great for the mind and body, but someone who is severely depressed will have a lot of difficulty starting exercise and keeping to it.

The "small steps" part is what I would recommend. I think your frustration may come from what is exactly "small steps" for you personally.
I don't know you so it's hard to recommend specific things. I'll base my recommendations on my knowledge of myself and maybe that can inspire you to find out what the specific recommendations would be to you.

In my case, I'll be tackling the issue you're dealing with in a few months - exercising. For now, I'm too tired and stressed for such a commitment, so what I've been doing is reducing my screen time. I got back to reading. I borrow books from the library, that way there's no financial barrier to entry and I get some walks to/from the library in there, so it's light exercise without thinking about it.
I got a tongue drum some time ago. Quite cheap for a musical instrument and it's a nice low effort activity that relaxs me. Again, reducing screen time, some music therapy in the mix.
I've been trying to clean my house more often, cleaning the house is a necessity so it's easier to do it and it's a light form of exercise.

So, these are some steps that I'm doing to improve myself. These are things I consider healthy and that are small enough that I can gather the will to do them. Once I'm feeling a bit better, I'll slowly increase the difficulty until I'm doing pilates/yoga again in a few months.
What do you think would be nice doable activities for you?

I believe you can do it, just don't feel the pressure to go from a sedentary lifestyle to suddenly having a great diet and exercising 3 days a week. There's time and doing it gradually I think is less mentally taxing and yields better results.

 

[liesabouthelp]

honestly, they are right. you just have to do it. as uncomfortable as it is. you can have people motivate you, but in it end it has to come from you. you can do it! even if you failed, another day is another time to try. i believe in you.

yes, it has to come from me. and when i just CANT do it, there is objectively no hope for me, and suicide is my only option. "you can do it i believe in you", if mere words like this would help me do it, i could do it by myself. there truly is no hope for me

You get motivated by changing your mindset, not by brute forcing will power and going to the gym. By going from endlessly shitting on yourself, to at a minimum empathizing with yourself and your situation, and ideally actually liking and loving yourself. By accepting that you don't NEED happiness and health but you actually DESERVE them. You need to wrestle control of your mind from your subconscious. Self compassion is the foundation, the rest follows from, there. Mindfulness and meditation are skills to get you there, but yes unfortunately will power might be the key to just starting but the results of being kind to yourself will lead you forward. Have you ever tried yoga? You get a mix of fitness and meditation practice.

I wish you the best, and hope one day realize you deserve the good things you desire.

ive been told this for over a decade. it is not happening. i am in constant agony. i strongly feel and experience that suicide is my only option. telling myself i want to die is natural, and its what ive been automatically doing all these years. one important thing to note is that i dont hate myself. the hatred i feel is all directed towards the society. you can tell me that "you dont truly love yourself when youre wallowing in your misery", but that doesnt have to do with the hatred i feel, that is a different thing-its just my incapability of helping myself, thats all.
how do i change my mindset from needing happiness to deserving it? im extremely unmotivated to do yoga.

I understand what you're going through.

Taking care of your wellbeing can come in many forms and not just the gym so if it's not for you, it's not for you. You shouldn't beat yourself up for not going or not liking it.

In terms of getting yourself motivated... it depends what you decide to do but if it's a workout I remember I place my workout clothes at the end of my bed to change into in the morning. Just seeing my clothes triggered me to start preparing to complete this activity.

It's super tough but it's about identifying the triggers for your current behaviour and replacing them with triggers to perform a new behaviour.

i have no clue what i have to do and what i can do

The reality is, you can either do something, or not. You've spent a while not doing anything, why not do it now? Our time is short. Shorter than we realize. Better to make use of it, eh?

Other than that, I wish you luck in your journey. You got this, man! Try not to beat yourself up too much. ♡

i dont do anything because i can not. if i could do something, i wouldve already done it.

It seems like you want to recover but are struggling with the actions towards it. There is a big obstacle when attempting exercise after a long time of not doing it, it can feel a bit torturous. I've been there several times and always hated that part...

I personally think that you need to be at a certain level of wellbeing to have the motivation for certain tasks. Yes, exercise is great for the mind and body, but someone who is severely depressed will have a lot of difficulty starting exercise and keeping to it.

The "small steps" part is what I would recommend. I think your frustration may come from what is exactly "small steps" for you personally.
I don't know you so it's hard to recommend specific things. I'll base my recommendations on my knowledge of myself and maybe that can inspire you to find out what the specific recommendations would be to you.

In my case, I'll be tackling the issue you're dealing with in a few months - exercising. For now, I'm too tired and stressed for such a commitment, so what I've been doing is reducing my screen time. I got back to reading. I borrow books from the library, that way there's no financial barrier to entry and I get some walks to/from the library in there, so it's light exercise without thinking about it.
I got a tongue drum some time ago. Quite cheap for a musical instrument and it's a nice low effort activity that relaxs me. Again, reducing screen time, some music therapy in the mix.
I've been trying to clean my house more often, cleaning the house is a necessity so it's easier to do it and it's a light form of exercise.

So, these are some steps that I'm doing to improve myself. These are things I consider healthy and that are small enough that I can gather the will to do them. Once I'm feeling a bit better, I'll slowly increase the difficulty until I'm doing pilates/yoga again in a few months.
What do you think would be nice doable activities for you?

I believe you can do it, just don't feel the pressure to go from a sedentary lifestyle to suddenly having a great diet and exercising 3 days a week. There's time and doing it gradually I think is less mentally taxing and yields better results.

im constantly doing "small steps". taking care of my pet, buying groceries, cooking, attempting to play and enjoy a video game, cleaning, i do small things all the time. but none of it leads me anywhere.
i have no clue how to reduce my screen time. im barely motivated to do anything on my pc in the first place. but not being on my pc and looking for distractions online is even more miserable. im not interested in books whatsoever. i have hard time focusing on reading, my mind always drifts off, i dont have the motivation for that whatsoever. instruments dont help me in this situation.

 

[foggyskies_]

yes, it has to come from me. and when i just CANT do it, there is objectively no hope for me, and suicide is my only option. "you can do it i believe in you", if mere words like this would help me do it, i could do it by myself. there truly is no hope for me

ive been told this for over a decade. it is not happening. i am in constant agony. i strongly feel and experience that suicide is my only option. telling myself i want to die is natural, and its what ive been automatically doing all these years. one important thing to note is that i dont hate myself. the hatred i feel is all directed towards the society. you can tell me that "you dont truly love yourself when youre wallowing in your misery", but that doesnt have to do with the hatred i feel, that is a different thing-its just my incapability of helping myself, thats all.
how do i change my mindset from needing happiness to deserving it? im extremely unmotivated to do yoga.

i have no clue what i have to do and what i can do

i dont do anything because i can not. if i could do something, i wouldve already done it.

im constantly doing "small steps". taking care of my pet, buying groceries, cooking, attempting to play and enjoy a video game, cleaning, i do small things all the time. but none of it leads me anywhere.
i have no clue how to reduce my screen time. im barely motivated to do anything on my pc in the first place. but not being on my pc and looking for distractions online is even more miserable. im not interested in books whatsoever. i have hard time focusing on reading, my mind always drifts off, i dont have the motivation for that whatsoever. instruments dont help me in this situation.

Ahh, that is tricky. I apologize if I came off as harsh. Have you been screened for ADHD, Autism? You may be mistaking "lack of motivation" or "laziness" for executive dysfunction. It's a malfunction in your dopamine levels, basically. The feeling of wanting to do things but you just can't? That seems like executive dysfunction to me. Or maybe I'm wrong, I'm not a doctor, just another insane person who reads too much. Either way, I hope you find a way to be more content.

 

[liesabouthelp]

Ahh, that is tricky. I apologize if I came off as harsh. Have you been screened for ADHD, Autism? You may be mistaking "lack of motivation" or "laziness" for executive dysfunction. It's a malfunction in your dopamine levels, basically. The feeling of wanting to do things but you just can't? That seems like executive dysfunction to me. Or maybe I'm wrong, I'm not a doctor, just another insane person who reads too much. Either way, I hope you find a way to be more content.

what would i do with a diagnosis? more meds?

 

[Forever Sleep]

What works for me is to aim for a manageable amount. I make myself do 9-10 minutes fairly strenuous exercise each day. It should be more than that- of course. It should be closer to 20-30 mins but, I know I simply won't do it if I know it's that. I try really hard to work on the principle that something is better than nothing. Even a slow time. Plus- it's harder for me to make excuses to not do 10 minutes exercise. 10 minutes out of your day. That's almost nothing.

Plus, I know how much worse I'll feel if I don't do it. Even then though, it's a struggle and, if I miss a day, it's so much worse. Work went mad last year and I stopped for a few months in the end. It's been just awful getting back into it but, I'm extremely slowly starting to improve again.

Plus- put some kick arse music on in the background to motivate you. Some songs seem to tell my brain now- switch into exercise mode. (I know you don't want to...)

 

[liesabouthelp]

What works for me is to aim for a manageable amount. I make myself do 9-10 minutes fairly strenuous exercise each day. It should be more than that- of course. It should be closer to 20-30 mins but, I know I simply won't do it if I know it's that. I try really hard to work on the principle that something is better than nothing. Even a slow time. Plus- it's harder for me to make excuses to not do 10 minutes exercise. 10 minutes out of your day. That's almost nothing.

Plus, I know how much worse I'll feel if I don't do it. Even then though, it's a struggle and, if I miss a day, it's so much worse. Work went mad last year and I stopped for a few months in the end. It's been just awful getting back into it but, I'm extremely slowly starting to improve again.

Plus- put some kick arse music on in the background to motivate you. Some songs seem to tell my brain now- switch into exercise mode. (I know you don't want to...)

i dont understand this. if you can force yourself to exercise 10 minutes every day, why not 20 minutes? what determines that its exactly 10 but not at all 20? and i already do 20 minutes of "exercise" a day by getting up and doing chores. mainly because im forced to because of a pet and my own hunger and other needs. i know some people say i have to put myself into a situation where im forced to do more, but thats not happening. i dont have the motivation to make myself struggle any more than i already do.
"it's harder for me to make excuses to not do 10 minutes exercise. 10 minutes out of your day. That's almost nothing." one could say "10 minutes on top of that, thats almost nothing" "if youre already doing 20 minutes, you can do it again, why couldnt you?" none of this really means anything. ive heard people say these things for years. "you just sit up. youre not physically disable, you can just sit up. then you put one foot down. then you put another. then you stand up. why couldnt you do this? just do it? then put on some clothes, one at a time. then step outside. one foot after another. youre physically capable of doing it, so why not do it? just do it!"
but in reality, humans dont work that way. when it comes to deep depression, it does not work that way. even non depressed people often find specific more physically demanding tasks more comfortable, than some very simple tasks which they end up never doing. if you pay attention to people, most people make simple promises that they dont end up doing. most people experience a form of "depression", except its not depression, its "laziness", except its not that either because that explains nothing, and the term is more so used to blame people for nothing. but people just dont understand these things. not even most "professionals".

countless depressed people are physically capable of doing a lot of things to help themselves, but they CLEARLY DO NOT. there is clearly an issue that goes deeper than "just get up, youre literally able to do it right now just like that". but were really not figuring out this issue. except with the usual medication experimentation.

 

[Forever Sleep]

i dont understand this. if you can force yourself to exercise 10 minutes every day, why not 20 minutes? what determines that its exactly 10 but not at all 20? and i already do 20 minutes of "exercise" a day by getting up and doing chores. mainly because im forced to because of a pet and my own hunger and other needs. i know some people say i have to put myself into a situation where im forced to do more, but thats not happening. i dont have the motivation to make myself struggle any more than i already do.
"it's harder for me to make excuses to not do 10 minutes exercise. 10 minutes out of your day. That's almost nothing." one could say "10 minutes on top of that, thats almost nothing" "if youre already doing 20 minutes, you can do it again, why couldnt you?" none of this really means anything. ive heard people say these things for years. "you just sit up. youre not physically disable, you can just sit up. then you put one foot down. then you put another. then you stand up. why couldnt you do this? just do it? then put on some clothes, one at a time. then step outside. one foot after another. youre physically capable of doing it, so why not do it? just do it!"
but in reality, humans dont work that way. when it comes to deep depression, it does not work that way. even non depressed people often find specific more physically demanding tasks more comfortable, than some very simple tasks which they end up never doing. if you pay attention to people, most people make simple promises that they dont end up doing. most people experience a form of "depression", except its not depression, its "laziness", except its not that either because that explains nothing, and the term is more so used to blame people for nothing. but people just dont understand these things. not even most "professionals".

countless depressed people are physically capable of doing a lot of things to help themselves, but they CLEARLY DO NOT. there is clearly an issue that goes deeper than "just get up, youre literally able to do it right now just like that". but were really not figuring out this issue. except with the usual medication experimentation.

I was simply sharing my experience in the hopes it might help others. If it doesn't then, feel free to ignore. I'm not pressuring anyone to do what they feel they can't.

Neither does it help me when people tell me to 'work up to 20 minutes' etc. I know what works for me and what I most likely will and won't do/ accept. My job can be pretty physical so- 20 minutes of intense exercise on top feels too much for me.

I'm not asking you to defend yourself. I just tried to respond to your question in describing what works for me. If it doesn't make any sense to you, no worries but neither do I feel the need to defend myself either. I was simply sharing my experience. Sorry if it didn't help. I hope you find something that does.

 

[Hvergelmir]

In your title you claim to have passion. What are you passionate about?

I'm one of those people who really can't motivate myself to go to a gym. Even if the long term benefits are clear, I have no passion whatsoever for the process.
For me to stick with physical training, I need something mentally stimulating. Martial arts have worked well for me in the past. I'm intellectually interested in the mechanics and techniques of it.
Animals is another thing motivating me. I have a very tough dog, but it brings me joy to see her happy, even if it's physically exhausting.