B
Blutsager
Experienced
- Mar 11, 2020
- 220
In the most innocent of fashions, I just played a series of Skribl.io matches with two strangers from Discord. And for the twenty minutes or half an hour I was there, I felt... truly happy. A happiness I haven't felt in months. Truly disconnected from reality, forgetting all my fears. Forgetting all my negative thoughts. Forgetting all my apocalyptic views of the future.
I don't know what to say. Perhaps this should be a positive note. Something I should try to replicate, to feel more often. But this optimism scares me. I feel my optimism will only be met by disappointment in the future. And thus, this happiness of today will only lead to more suffering tomorrow when my positivity is shattered as my reality becomes worse with each day that passes. Remaining negative means I won't feel such disappointment. Remaining here below, I fear not falling.
I don't know what to say. Or what to feel now. That bliss... it felt so good. But I am afraid of making it happen more often.
Am I afraid of being happy again? I think I am, ever since all of this happened.
I don't know what to say. Perhaps this should be a positive note. Something I should try to replicate, to feel more often. But this optimism scares me. I feel my optimism will only be met by disappointment in the future. And thus, this happiness of today will only lead to more suffering tomorrow when my positivity is shattered as my reality becomes worse with each day that passes. Remaining negative means I won't feel such disappointment. Remaining here below, I fear not falling.
I don't know what to say. Or what to feel now. That bliss... it felt so good. But I am afraid of making it happen more often.
Am I afraid of being happy again? I think I am, ever since all of this happened.
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