Help I just want it all to stop

[Life_and_Death]

It started last night. I laid down to go to sleep and my brain started running. I said if I'm still awake in 30 minutes then I can take every drug I have until it stops. But I fell asleep. I think that's a good thing? Except I woke up not feeling too much better today. I'm suppose to be leaving this site for the weekend and enjoying myself but instead I'm sitting here about to roll a joint. Drink a can of breezer wondering if death is really that bad of an idea. And my husband will be back in about 5 minutes to take me to work. Idk what to do. It's like my brain is physically sick. It's not deadset on dying but it's tired of living like this. It hurts. Plus I have to go get my head trauma checked out. Yay for psychotic episodes. (in case you don't know that can be explained in my post psychotic episode. And my head STILL hurts from that day.)

 

[so tired or manic]

I get what you're going through. for me I don't have a reason to be awake or asleep so if I fight the need to be awake the flashbacks get really bad. luckily sleeping at weird hours doesn't affect anything and I can sleep better in the daytime.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Focus on the small victories. You went to sleep and didn't do loads of drugs. Even if you are struggling to do so you are making an attempt to find some enjoyment and relaxation which is not something everyone can bring themselves to do.

 

[EraseRewind]

I really relate, I'm struggling to sleep because I have an infection that is causing pain and may lead to sepsis if this last treatment doesn't work. My brain is racing and I keep thinking that the answer is ctb. I have been sick in one form or another for 4 months and I am just hanging on, I want recovery but it just seems like I get sorted for a week then something else comes along. I'm amazed I haven't had COVID by now.