Venting I just want to be happy

[fuckthis]

I was just writing out a very lengthy post and was 5 paragraphs in until I just stopped and said fuck it. I just want to be happy, it seems like an emotion so many others can easily achieve through friends and family. But when I try I fail miserably. I don't have friends I can rely on or family I can go too when I am upset. I have to suppress and deal with that shit on my own and pretend as if everything's ok because it's the norm. It is an emotion I very rarely feel and when I do feel happy it is because I am able to forget about all the shit going on in my life for just a few seconds. When I'm not sad and suicidal I am asleep when I am asleep I am not conscious and aware of who I am.

Every god damn morning I wake up and am reminded of who I am and the shit I have to put up with. Every fucking morning. I am so sick of others telling me what to do and how I should live. I am so sick of others going out of there way to talk out of their arse and bullshit others into thinking life is great. I am sick of it. I am tired of all the manipulation that goes on within society. Everyone is 'pro-life'. Nobody wants to think for themselves, they'd rather follow this premise that is basically built on "suicide is bad" whilst completely disregarding the struggle people go through. Just because you are happy and have friends does not mean the others around you are in similar situations. In fact a lot of us suffer silently and to be honest you can fuck off with that happy-go-lucky attitude.

It's as if the general population bullshit themselves into thinking life is great because they had no choice but to be brought into this world anyways. It's like when you spend a lot of money on an item that doesn't work as intended but you pretend to like it because you've already spent the money. Those who try to stop me from committing only cause more harm than good. What they don't realize is that they're actually only prolonging the pain and making the short time I have on earth much harder. I just wish people would cut the bullshit and actually form free thought opinions and not some regurgitated garbage their granny told them because she regrets having ever lived. I have tried to explain it before and it gets me no where. People are simply too self centered to ever believe how someone "could possibly be suicidal" because they buy into it all. We are slaves and milked for what we're worth. We are not even allowed to die and people don't even realize it.

Shit. That is what life is. It's literal fucking SHIT. People my age are outside and are enjoying the time they have with their friends whilst I sit inside and reminisce on the past. I am so disappointed with myself, I have all this anger and I have nothing to put it into. I am a loser.

 

[RM5998]

@fuckthis There are times when I wish our world became something like Huxley's World State (from the book Brave New World). Complete with eugenics, selective breeding, hormonal nurturing and soma. And for completeness' sake, a side dose of Orwellian linguistic manipulation (taken right out of 1984). That way, people like us wouldn't exist, because the words and ideas necessary to express our anguish could not be formed. Also, there would be soma.

 

[Lizzie S.]

It's literally a sick joke, everyone talks about how precious life is but no one helps the living who are suffering. There's so much suffering in life, much of it caused by humans, and yet we don't really try and stop it despite preaching about how important life is. Literally is so backwards. And then we force people who are suffering to continue suffering because 'life is important' but apparently not important enough to help people suffering.

And people know life is horrible, everyone always says stuff like 'life doesn't owe you anything' or 'life is hard' but then when anyone brings up how they're suffering they're complaining and no one tries to help them or fix anything.

 

[RM5998]

It's literally a sick joke, everyone talks about how precious life is but no one helps the living who are suffering. There's so much suffering in life, much of it caused by humans, and yet we don't really try and stop it despite preaching about how important life is. Literally is so backwards. And then we force people who are suffering to continue suffering because 'life is important' but apparently not important enough to help people suffering.

And people know life is horrible, everyone always says stuff like 'life doesn't owe you anything' or 'life is hard' but then when anyone brings up how they're suffering they're complaining and no one tries to help them or fix anything.

People don't really want to help others, they want to find comfort. Most people believe that by forcing their conceptions of pleasure onto those who can't find it, they are doing something selfless and great, and that helps assuage the fear that they are leading meaningless lives and shall die meaningless deaths. That's the basic stance of the people who tell you that they are there for you... and then move away when they think they've done their quota of helping others. And while this behavior isn't itself wrong, what is wrong is the hypocrisy that surrounds the behavior, painting it as something selfless.

 

[Idorus]

Every fucking morning. I am so sick of others telling me what to do and how I should live. I am so sick of others going out of there way to talk out of their arse and bullshit others into thinking life is great.

Would there be any chance in your life -in the nearby future- to lead a more reclusive existence?