kitia973
我亦定山河
- Dec 24, 2024
- 62
[Includes deciptions of violence]
But I do not like when people try to be hypocritical about their desires. Sometimes I can sense that certain people wish to hurt me from a variety of reasons, but they always try to fake "politeness" in a passively aggressive way, although it is explicit in their actions that they do not harbor any good-willed thoughts towards me. It is very irritating, and I would much rather people just be upfront about their thoughts.
I enjoy being hurt, but it is not personal gratification. I simply enjoy the concept of pain, not sure if that makes sense. I don't think I'm a masochist, as I do not feel pleasure during the suffering, but rather a form of morbid curiosity. Sometimes I am able to project others' suffering onto myself, and vice versa. It is an interesting experience.
That is also one of the reasons I am alive right now. I have no desire for things to get "better". All that will lead to is tiredness with life. I had a fairly uninteresting childhood, and I never experienced true, devastating abuse when I was a kid. I wish to see what truly horrible experiences life will throw onto me. I wonder if I will be cut apart after being mutilated and violated then thrown into sewers to be eaten by maggots, if that was supposed to be my natural death.
I cannot think up of horrible ways of emotional torture, other than the ones seen commonly in life. I think physical torture constitutes as a form of emotional pain itself. Mental health starts to deteriorate very quickly in a state of chronic, extreme physical distress.
But it would be interesting to see. It is a perversion and morbid curiosity of mine. Just knowing that the possibility of endless pain and despair exists is enough to keep me grounded.
Strange post. I also realize it's quite strange.
But I do not like when people try to be hypocritical about their desires. Sometimes I can sense that certain people wish to hurt me from a variety of reasons, but they always try to fake "politeness" in a passively aggressive way, although it is explicit in their actions that they do not harbor any good-willed thoughts towards me. It is very irritating, and I would much rather people just be upfront about their thoughts.
I enjoy being hurt, but it is not personal gratification. I simply enjoy the concept of pain, not sure if that makes sense. I don't think I'm a masochist, as I do not feel pleasure during the suffering, but rather a form of morbid curiosity. Sometimes I am able to project others' suffering onto myself, and vice versa. It is an interesting experience.
That is also one of the reasons I am alive right now. I have no desire for things to get "better". All that will lead to is tiredness with life. I had a fairly uninteresting childhood, and I never experienced true, devastating abuse when I was a kid. I wish to see what truly horrible experiences life will throw onto me. I wonder if I will be cut apart after being mutilated and violated then thrown into sewers to be eaten by maggots, if that was supposed to be my natural death.
I cannot think up of horrible ways of emotional torture, other than the ones seen commonly in life. I think physical torture constitutes as a form of emotional pain itself. Mental health starts to deteriorate very quickly in a state of chronic, extreme physical distress.
But it would be interesting to see. It is a perversion and morbid curiosity of mine. Just knowing that the possibility of endless pain and despair exists is enough to keep me grounded.
Strange post. I also realize it's quite strange.
Last edited:
