I like that my friends don't define themselves over sex. They don't feel superior and never bragged about it.

[noname223]

There are many people (especially men) who do that. In my self-help group someone said he slept with a girl who is in a relationship. And for me it sounded like he was proud about it. I rather felt a little bit disgusted.
In my closest friend group there are many virgins. Not all though. We are in our mid-end twenties. We are extremely good friends. Also concerning my suicidality I could not imagine better friends. I have top 1% friends.

Two of my closest friends have or had regular sex and never bragged about it in any way. I never got the feeling they felt superior. The guy in my self-help group once asked me whether I ever was in a relationship and when I responded no it felt like he looked down at me. I never experienced something like that with my friends.

There is another guy from my self-help group who is very much into drugs and wants to spend time with me. I am too scared about a bad influence on me. And he even slept with the girlfriend of a friend of him. And they never told it to his friend. Wonder why I don't want to be friends with him. Lmao.

Theoretically, I could have/had opportunities to have sex. For example, there was an extremely good looking borderline woman in my clinic who was very much into drugs. She really really wanted a relationship with me. However, it seemed like she was a big red flag. When I told this story to a college friend who also treats women like shit he was so confused why I did not agree to a relationship with her. Honestly, I have the feeling he alway pretends to be interested in longterm relationships with women while he only cares about sex. I was a little bit shocked when I realized that fact about him. He always seemed to be so innocent. I am scared he finds out I never was in a relationship. There was recently a very good looking woman in a dating app who wanted a hook up with me. But I don't want that. I once elaborated on it here. I am a little bit conservative in this instance.

 

[derpyderpins]

Learning that relationships are about way more than sex is part of maturing. It's absolutely silly to brag about doing what animals all over the planet do.

Now, I get what the real brag is. It's not sex, it's the acceptance. It's that someone determined they were good enough. I guess I see feeling validated over that, but it's pretty shallow.

The intimacy is far more important than the physical act (not that sex isn't awesome, it's just not the end-all-be-all). I say good on you for knowing what you want and waiting for it.

Not to say you need to wait for "the one" (doesn't exist) or for marriage, but - for example - I've had two shorter flings in my life. One I only look back on fondly. We were in a similar place and good to each other and both kinda knew it probably wouldn't work long term, but there was affection and connection. The other I've written about here, my crush/LO who led me on and on just to use me and split. Sure, I had sex, but I don't feel good about that, other than the fact that being knocked on my ass that way led me to meet my wife.

 

[pyx]

my friends are also like this. i think it's because they view sex and intimacy -- the ones that are still virgins, that is -- as an inevitability, which may very well be true. i sometimes wish i had that assurance in my own capabilities, but recently i've become far too pessimistic about personality and compatibility. they don't brag about it or treat it as some masculine pursuit, but rather something that occurs naturally, so long as you are well-adjusted. they don't decry impotence and virginity in the same way that many insolent guys do, but that's likely because they put less emphasis on it as a marker for value. i really do wish i could share their perspective, but, again, it seems my characteristics are incompatible with this view