Venting i lost my best hope of my survival and the best person i can ever ask for, because of me

[StonerVsAlly]

for some days ago, i wasn't really depressed anymore because i found someone special in my life, he's the most perfect person i've ever met, he appeared out of nowhere at the night of my failed attempt and still be my friend after all my suicide talks, even thought everyone else is already leaving me when i'm keep like this he's still be on my side no matter what, he's like an angel to me and i thought that i'll finally found a love and my life will gradually gets better after that.

that is until a few days ago, when i did it to him, the very thing that i feared the most in the future, the very thing that makes me justify this suicide, yet i'm doing it to him, the most perfect person in my life that likes me no matter what, for no reason, yet i'm managed to makes him uncomfortable and even scared around me. even in the end he still didn't say that he hated me but just being uncomfortable around me, he even still wants to be my friend and wants me to life and gets a help.

but whatever the case, i know that this means that i have no hope in this life, this event has proved that to me, if i keep living, i might've just been worse and worse

 

[DarkestSoul]

I can relate somewhat to what you're going through.
Hurting the one person that you could never imagine of doing even in your dreams; it destroys you emotionally and disturbs you mentally in so many levels.

Intentionally or non-intentionally hurting or making that person uncomfortable would be the worst.
But remember one thing, that no person comes to and goes out of your life by your likening and choice.
It's their decision.
They'll stuck around if they want to
And they'll leave if that's what they want.

No matter what you do.

So never blame yourself for anyone going away.
It's their life and their choice.

You can only wish they good fortune and bid them farewell.
Support them and let them go even when they've stopped supporting you.
I know it hurts hella lot.
I'm still hurting and curse my self everyday to let my person go.
But one has to know that only things they can control is their choice and decision and actions that follows in their lives.

Hope you'll be fine and calm soon.
We're here for you.
Sending hugs

 

[ItsyBitsyWeetard]

nice pfp