I lost my soulmate

[BlueButterfly111]

He passed away 6 months ago. I want to share the story, and possibly see if anyone else has been through something similar. I only knew him for 7 months but instantly, from the moment I met him, there was a soul connection that I can't explain. The whole experience I had with him was something that I never felt with anyone else. I've had a very lonely life, never really had any friends, and was always misunderstood due to being autistic. It's hard to explain the type of connection we had, the type of love I felt, the kind of connection that I experienced felt spiritual. Sometimes I just go about my day, and I kind of forget what happened, but there are special moments where I remember him and it's like I can feel his energy and presence again. In those moments I am happy and I feel alive again, but then I get distracted by other things again and it's over. I had 7 months of the most beautiful love that I could have ever imagined, and now I'm just back to the way I was before. So now I just kind of live for the memories and dreams I have of him, and I try to recreate the feelings he gave me but it's hard to do that sometimes, without him actually being here. Even though I feel empty, I feel fulfilled in a way like I finally found the love I was looking for and now my life is complete and I can die at anytime. I feel like people probably don't or won't take me seriously when I talk about it because I knew him for less than a year. But this was like a soul connection that I can't really describe, something like a twinflame, I didn't really know what that was until after he died. I know this was all over the place, I tried my best to explain how I'm feeling, but really I can't explain it all in words, and my feelings about it are all over the place constantly. So I just did the best I could do for right now, but just wanted to share. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

 

[Ozzyno]

No I've never experienced something like this. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you will find someone as good as him or even better, even though you really can't compare love. How old are you?

 

[BlueButterfly111]

No I've never experienced something like this. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you will find someone as good as him or even better, even though you really can't compare love. How old are you?

It's hard to explain but I don't believe I will find anyone, he was a really special person, and I had trouble connecting with anyone before I met him. Thank you I really appreciate that. I'm 22

 

[yowai]

I did, I'm still with that person but currently in a long distance relationship and I only saw him 2 times this year :( I think our bond has gotten weaker, lots of things happened and I feel like we're becoming more and more distant and it's not like he's a soulmate anymore but just someone very very close. It's my first serious relationship ever and I'm also autistic, maybe its a thing for us that once we're into someone we develop a very strong bond

 

[wishingiwasok]

I experienced that once when I was young almost 18. He was older and probably very inappropriate for me in many ways, but we just understood each other. It was like we'd known each other for years when we only ended up being part of each other's lives for about 9 months. We both made mistakes out of fear of our connection and ended up choosing different paths. But way we just connected effortlessly was wonderful.

 

[needthebus]

i was dating briefly someone whose name started with an M and was genuinely happy. it was brief but felt real, but im not sure he felt the same way or that it ever was.

 

[nomoredolor]

my best friend who I was in love with and I believe was my twin flame Ctb last Monday. We were both autistic and also knew each other for less than a year. He broke my heart. I just want to join him. I'm severely conflicted about traumatizing my loved ones. I just want to die but I wish it wouldn't hurt them so. I'm working through a lot of guilt. I cry for hours everyday and I miss him so much my chest hurts. I keep thinking of things I want to tell him then remember he's dead. The pain is so great the only thing I can do to briefly take my mind off of it is put flame heated metal to my skin. I scream in pain and it's still a relief compared to the pain of losing him. I'm so sorry that you have lost your love. I relate to everything you said in your post. I'm just so sorry.
Anna

 

[BlueButterfly111]

my best friend who I was in love with and I believe was my twin flame Ctb last Monday. We were both autistic and also knew each other for less than a year. He broke my heart. I just want to join him. I'm severely conflicted about traumatizing my loved ones. I just want to die but I wish it wouldn't hurt them so. I'm working through a lot of guilt. I cry for hours everyday and I miss him so much my chest hurts. I keep thinking of things I want to tell him then remember he's dead. The pain is so great the only thing I can do to briefly take my mind off of it is put flame heated metal to my skin. I scream in pain and it's still a relief compared to the pain of losing him. I'm so sorry that you have lost your love. I relate to everything you said in your post. I'm just so sorry.
Anna

First of all, I want to say I'm so sorry for your loss too! That's just devastating what happened, I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for your reply to this post, it made me tear up, and it made me feel like I was actually seen and heard and not so alone. Mine didn't die by suicide, but I found out they had mental health issues and were shot by the police after having a mental health crisis. I also have the same desire, to hurt myself a lot of the time. The only reason I'm here is because I want to relive my memories with him as much as I can before I do. If you ever want to talk I'm here. I mean it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to feel like my best friend was my soul mate. I suppose it's just that we got along so well. It's rare to find someone you 'click' with on so many levels. It's never really happened to the same extent again. Then- you think of the chances of actually meeting that one person are so small, I think you do start to wonder if it was meant to happen.

But then- our lives have taken us in very different directions. There's no mallice about it. We've just drifted apart. Which, I never would have believed could happen at one point. It really hurt initially but, even more strangely, I just became used to it. So, I'm not sure what I believe anymore.

The weirder idea I think is that- in this big, wide world, maybe we all have multiple people we would really sync with yet, we'll likely never meet. That's kind of sad. Especially if we feel lonely or, at least feel our lives may have worked out better if we'd shared them. To think maybe we needn't have been alone if only fates had brought us together.

I'm glad you have those memories. I hope it isn't too bittersweet though.