Im 21. When I started engineering school, i isolated myself and I didn't make any friends because i thought i had empty nose syndrome after a nose surgery. It turns out i just have anxiety and OCD. Now i feel better, but im still socially isolated. In my 4th semester, i had mental breakdown and I didn't go to my final exams, and i told my parents that i wanna dropout and get into trades. But they persuaded me to continue and so I did. The next semester though I said to them again that i want to drop out, but this time i was to give entrance exams on summer to switch majors from mechanical to electrical engineering. They told me to not do this and that this is stupid. So I didn't do it, and I told that i will continue studying, but in reality, i was fed up and i was doing nothing all day, just sitting home, and i was planning to suicide. I was fully convinced that i will actually commit. Now its been like a year, its Easter, and i still haven't done it even if i finally found a complete method. And I realize that i wasted all this time for nothing. And i really fucked up and im sad.
right now, i feel ashamed and worthless, for all the pain and sadness that ive cause to my family. it was very selfish from me to even think about this. My mother love me. my sister love me. Im a monster. I attempted to take my life some days ago. I was standing in a chair with a noose around my neck. But I thought of my mother and my sister, i thought of the possibility of hell, and I thought of the possibility of things changing.
i feel horrible about myself. I fucked up. I always fuck up. Im terrible. Im only causing pain and suffering. i think that i will say everything to my therapist. everything. everything that has been going on the last months. I feel ashamed. i feel worthless.
right now, i feel ashamed and worthless, for all the pain and sadness that ive cause to my family. it was very selfish from me to even think about this. My mother love me. my sister love me. Im a monster. I attempted to take my life some days ago. I was standing in a chair with a noose around my neck. But I thought of my mother and my sister, i thought of the possibility of hell, and I thought of the possibility of things changing.
i feel horrible about myself. I fucked up. I always fuck up. Im terrible. Im only causing pain and suffering. i think that i will say everything to my therapist. everything. everything that has been going on the last months. I feel ashamed. i feel worthless.
