I might be a bad person

[BloomingAzaleas]

The bright flame scorches everyone once again.
I feel so great that I made a person who just wanted to be close to me miserable, I feel great for playing with their feelings until they broke.

Usually, I just want to help people but oh my this thrill I experience of doing this to someone. I feel more shame that I'm reacting like this over what I did. I might actually be a bad person. A person the world might think is better off dead.

It makes me wonder if I should die while I still remain good or if I should continue chasing this sadistic urge

 

[Luminous_]

Sounds like you may be

 

[TheLastGreySky]

The bright flame scorches everyone once again.
I feel so great that I made a person who just wanted to be close to me miserable, I feel great for playing with their feelings until they broke.

Usually, I just want to help people but oh my this thrill I experience of doing this to someone. I feel more shame that I'm reacting like this over what I did. I might actually be a bad person. A person the world might think is better off dead.

It makes me wonder if I should die while I still remain good or if I should continue chasing this sadistic urge

Respectfully... You're just a child reenacting your trauma onto other people because there was a time where you felt powerless.

I don't even mean this insultingly...
Good and bad are just vantage points.
You enjoyed the rush of crushing someone cuz it made you feel like you had control over something in your life. The shows you have a huge lack of control.
I don't think you're in any way a "bad person"
you're just experimenting with The Human condition.
Unfortunately, all you end up doing when you play with other people's lives is run the risk of someone destroying yours beyond repair.

Again this isn't coming from some pseudo-moral brainwashing crap... Weak people attack each other's reputations and play victim, so in the end you don't even have to hurt someone for them to choose you as the aggressor... They felt threatened and they label you as THE boogeyman and that's all it takes. I've seen this in so many ways it's kind of hard to break down here. But you're free to ask me anything.

If you play stupid games you're bound to eventually win stupid prizes.
And I don't want that for you but I totally expect you to be too obsessed with the high from causing chaos. It's really fun until you wake up in your 30s and you're in the same spot you were in your teens or twenties. It's the same as any other addiction.
All you do is freeze time.
And everyone you ever knew will leave you behind.

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

Again this isn't coming from some pseudo-moral brainwashing crap... Weak people attack each other's reputations and play victim, so in the end you don't even have to hurt someone for them to choose you as the aggressor... They felt threatened and they label you as THE boogeyman and that's all it takes. I've seen this in so many ways it's kind of hard to break down here. But you're free to ask me anything.

Thank you for taking the time to explain the risks of everything without judgement, it really means a lot

If you play stupid games you're bound to eventually win stupid prizes.
And I don't want that for you but I totally expect you to be too obsessed with the high from causing chaos. It's really fun until you wake up in your 30s and you're in the same spot you were in your teens or twenties. It's the same as any other addiction.
All you do is freeze time.
And everyone you ever knew will leave you behind.

I often have a certain thought, "only those who don't value their life can afford to play around with it"
It makes me feel so bored that no one else can even appreciate the absurd actions I do (outside of playing with people that's a new thing).

As for being left behind, well, I don't really have anyone to begin with nor do I think I've ever made a proper friend. So being left with nothing doesn't really scare me too much as I already am there.

Here's hoping I don't end up even more miserable somehow, I'll try not to let this little interest interfere with my recovery

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Thank you for taking the time to explain the risks of everything without judgement, it really means a lot



I often have a certain thought, "only those who don't value their life can afford to play around with it"
It makes me feel so bored that no one else can even appreciate the absurd actions I do (outside of playing with people that's a new thing).

As for being left behind, well, I don't really have anyone to begin with nor do I think I've ever made a proper friend. So being left with nothing doesn't really scare me too much as I already am there.

Here's hoping I don't end up even more miserable somehow, I'll try not to let this little interest interfere with my recovery

Honestly, you seem more well adapted than the average left-wing person nowadays. But legitimately, there's funner ways to be eccentric.
You can make a tiktok channel in 2011 I convinced a Facebook group that I was the co-creator of Mortal Kombat Ed Boon. Back when Facebook had forms, I didn't think anyone would actually fall for it and I thought it was just a silly post telling the community how much I appreciate them... Yeah it turns out I got like 200 messages in like an hour so I started playing into it and announcing shit that wasn't true and then roasting the people I didn't like.

All I'm saying is instead of being petty and praying on people who frankly only lower your value by associating with them... You could hypothetically be fun. By all means you do you, but creativity can be the thing that inspires you to move forward in your recovery.

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

All I'm saying is instead of being petty and praying on people who frankly only lower your value by associating with them... You could hypothetically be fun. By all means you do you, but creativity can be the thing that inspires you to move forward in your recovery.

Personally the people I like targeting most are people who are above me but want to be equals with me. I don't know what it is but it feels so satisfying to ruin that kind of person, even more so when it's their pursuit of being equal that makes them fall so far and they self destruct without my input….

There's other benign ways I have fun too of course but everyone around me is too boring to appreciate my absurd plots, this is maybe like the second time I've had an urge to ruin someone it's just so entertaining I want to see where it leads…

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Personally the people I like targeting most are people who are above me but want to be equals with me. I don't know what it is but it feels so satisfying to ruin that kind of person, even more so when it's their pursuit of being equal that makes them fall so far and they self destruct without my input….

There's other benign ways I have fun too of course but everyone around me is too boring to appreciate my absurd plots, this is maybe like the second time I've had an urge to ruin someone it's just so entertaining I want to see where it leads…

I get what you're saying but it all ends the same with you catching a fade. When you play games eventually you lose and it's really either going to get you to quit the game or keep playing.
But anyone who tells you that you're not eventually going to lose be it small or major is lying to you.
Everyone loses eventually.

Do you keep playing or do you clock out when that happens is entirely up to you.
So long as you're not doing anything with major stakes. But frankly, I don't think anyone's going to Pat you on the back for choosing to be toxic.
I just hope you realize it's something that only eventually comes back around full circle.

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

I get what you're saying but it all ends the same with you catching a fade. When you play games eventually you lose and it's really either going to get you to quit the game or keep playing.
But anyone who tells you that you're not eventually going to lose be it small or major is lying to you.
Everyone loses eventually.

Do you keep playing or do you clock out when that happens is entirely up to you.
So long as you're not doing anything with major stakes. But frankly, I don't think anyone's going to Pat you on the back for choosing to be toxic.
I just hope you realize it's something that only eventually comes back around full circle.

I'm aware of the consequences, but risk is part of the fun too.

And well, I wouldn't mind my life being ruined back. That sounds fun too.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I'm aware of the consequences, but risk is part of the fun too.

And well, I wouldn't mind my life being ruined back. That sounds fun too.

Lowkey you're the first person who shares my complete disregard for either player on the board

I wish you well

 

[NoMoreSanity]

Every single living thing is evil as long as they live. There are no good people