Venting I might give up a lot sooner than I planned

[gnarly]

I've been thinking about when I wanted to CTB for awhile. I've.. Lost myself in a way and my world has kind of collapsed on itself since I've first started thinking about it. At first I thought I would make another year. I had a full plan set. But so many things have changed and life's gotten a lot worse. I don't know when I'll CTB but I don't think I'll make it through this year now. I feel like I'm going to be giving up a lot sooner. I failed to pick myself up and put myself back together, I've become more self aware and my mind is still nothing but TV static. And the girl I loved most had found someone else(as she should tho). Everything hurts. Everyday I scream internally in agony… I should probably start writing goodbye notes for people. Or maybe not. I'm a nobody anyways so it's not like anyone will remember me.. I'm sorry mom but I'm a failure.

 

[KillingPain267]

I thought also I was getting better, but suddenly I realized it was just because I tried to suppress reality, so when I think clearly it all comes back and I am right back in agony. I cannot escape this time loop, I cannot escape my mind, except by dying.