Venting I miss you Henry :(

[BlueButterfly111]

I feel like I'm going insane, I need to die asap! Yes the grief got better over time, but the longing for him is still there. It's like an ache in my entire body and my soul yearns for him, he is my only home on this Earth, I want to go be with him in death so bad, but I have to wait until the Sn gets here. I woke up crying for him again, I'm so tired of doing this. I hope that peace comes soon. I'm sure that not many people understand what it's like to love a person this much. I would've lived for you, and I will die for you. I really hope that I can die soon, I can't take this pain anymore. I feel so alone and lost on this Earth ever since he's been gone. I don't even feel safe on this planet without him, I need to leave.

 

[RadiantNumber]

I know grief is strong feeling but don't do it impulsively :(
I hope you will be okay if you want to talk, write

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I know grief is strong feeling but don't do it impulsively :(
I hope you will be okay if you want to talk, write

I have to wait until my Sn arrives but it's so hard. I'm trying my best to be strong and wait.

 

[RadiantNumber]

I have to wait until my Sn arrives but it's so hard. I'm trying my best to be strong and wait.

Good luck I hope you will find peace here or there but don't act for the impulse

 

[frommolecules2stars]

Good luck I hope you will find peace here or there but don't act for the impulse

I understand your concern, but BlueButterfly has been talking about CTB for a while and has a plan. I don't think they are being impulsive at all.

 

[aiyuxhan]

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I can see how much you love him. If you need someone to talk to, please, my PM is open.

I understand your concern, but BlueButterfly has been talking about CTB for a while and has a plan. I don't think they are being impulsive at all.

I don't think she is being impulsive at all :(

 

[Raven2]

I'm sorry for your loss bluebutterfly. I havent experienced grief in the same way as you so I cant imagine what your going through. I read through some of your posts I can see you love him a lot.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I hear you BB. that type of pain is unimaginable until you've lived it. we're here with you. don't hesitate to reach out if you wanna talk, anytime. sending love to you

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I hear you BB. that type of pain is unimaginable until you've lived it. we're here with you. don't hesitate to reach out if you wanna talk, anytime. sending love to you

Thank you yeah it's terrible, it comes in waves. I appreciate you so much!!

 

[Halfhourdays]

Please continue sharing, your posts are nice to see.

 

[Corvette90]

Reiterating what others have said. Don't rush this. I read quite a few of your posts and your heart is clearly shattered. I'm mindful you are so young still and his death is still fresh. Also like others have said, I'm here to listen anytime. Sending so much love to you ❤ @BlueButterfly111

 

[Namelesa]

Personally this is an absolutely understandable reason to ctb and isn't impulsive as it has been some time. Relationships for some people can be really big parts of their lives and when they lose it become utterly broken. I have felt like that too and haven't really recovered from the end of my relationships despite it being years for the first one. Different people can react more intensely compared to others and that is absolutely valid. While she could maybe get better, its up to her if she wants to risk to see if she can potential get through more pain of the grieving process and longing feeling to recover or instead risk ctb to not want to go through that. Also she believes in that she will see her dead partner after death and if she wants specifically him then I think we should allow her to make that choice. Its really sad she has to deal with so much pain and I think it should be up to her in how to escape that pain.

 

[thebelljarrr]

One of my reasons why I want to go so bad too. Life becomes truly empty without them, I get you

 

[BlueButterfly111]

One of my reasons why I want to go so bad too. Life becomes truly empty without them, I get you

That's so true, I was just thinking to myself earlier that none of this is worth it without my baby, and it's been almost 9 months now since he's passed away. I know that he was my soulmate, and he would've been my only reason for living… I hope that peace comes soon, I'm so sorry for your loss as well! :(

 

[deathisapanacea]

I can totally empathize with your grief. May God give you peace, one way or the other.

 

[getoutgirl]

Grief destroys the soul, I'm so sorry you are going through that much suffering, I feel you. Reach out and write whenever you can, here and in grief forums and communities if you already haven't, anything that can help soothe that pain even a little is welcomed. I'm sorry for your loss and whatever happens I hope you can be rid of the pain. Lots of love your way <3333333

 

[AAE]

I actually understand 100%. My mother is my guardian angel and the love of my life. (Her father's name was Henry by the way, an amazing, good man) We lost my dad long ago to a sudden illness and we grew together as much as two family members can. She died 3 years ago and I cry every day and night, I talk to her and I just wish to leave this world and reunite with her. I suffer from multiple chronic illnesses and society/healthcare all treat me like I'm already dead. So yes I do understand and can only say I wish you find what's best for you personally, I wish you peace. Same to all the good people on here suffering endlessly!

 

[Michi_Violeta]

I would've lived for you, and I will die for you.

I think this says it all, it says fucking everything. I know I've been away from this forum and our chat for a while, but here I am for you and apparently several others. And all we want is to keep you company and a bit of comfort while that beautiful reunion with him takes place.

Personally this is an absolutely understandable reason to ctb and isn't impulsive as it has been some time. Relationships for some people can be really big parts of their lives and when they lose it become utterly broken. I have felt like that too and haven't really recovered from the end of my relationships despite it being years for the first one. Different people can react more intensely compared to others and that is absolutely valid. While she could maybe get better, its up to her if she wants to risk to see if she can potential get through more pain of the grieving process and longing feeling to recover or instead risk ctb to not want to go through that. Also she believes in that she will see her dead partner after death and if she wants specifically him then I think we should allow her to make that choice. Its really sad she has to deal with so much pain and I think it should be up to her in how to escape that pain.

Thank you so much for understanding. It's not the same, of course, when someone dies and when someone breaks-up with you, but the point is that a relationship can indeed leave you utterly broken. No idea how our society has become so mocking of people who love and feel so intensively if we have thousands of songs and books and poems and movies expressing just as much pain as @BlueButterfly111 does, only they do it in much less sincere words than her. I'm tired of people telling me how to feel, telling me she wasn't worth it or that she was a bad person: she made a mistake, several actually, but she's still my michi and that doesn't make what I felt (and still feel) any less real.